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Post by shushyou on Oct 15, 2003 15:08:56 GMT -5
Does anyone think its hard to become less shy because its what people expect from you?
I've felt for a while that I could be more outgoing than I was, but I also felt the people who knew me's expectations of me was that I was really shy. I've always thought that it was hard to break away from this preconception.
Anyway, I started university this year, far away from home, and not knowing anyone and I've found that its been really good for me. People don't know me, so they don't have any preconceptions about me being shy so I can be more outgoing than I would have been before. I am still shy, I don't think its possible to change that, nor would I want to, but I think having a clean slate has really helped me.
Does anyone else feel they are being held back by people's expectations of you being shy?
Also, do any of you think that its easier to cope with shyness as you get older?
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Post by Twice-Shy on Oct 16, 2003 11:01:12 GMT -5
I lived at home when I went to University, which has its good and bad points. A few guys from my school were there at the same time and I never really shook of the quiet / shy tag. Part of me would have loved a clean slate.
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Post by Michael1973 on Oct 16, 2003 13:17:22 GMT -5
I can very easily relate to this. This is a big part of why I remain shy in group situations. I am so afraid of capturing excess attention by suddenly acting outgoing that I can't bring myself to do it. Instead, I sit there in total silence like everyone expects. This happens even when I go somewhere where I am a total unknown, and people immediately pick up on it and shy away from me.
I actually think shyness is harder to cope with as we get older. The opportunities to go out and be with people my own age have gotten more and more scarce as time goes by, and I hate feeling like I need to "force" myself into situations in order to have a life.
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Oct 24, 2003 21:45:28 GMT -5
I can definitely relate. None of us would want the added attention of breaking out of a shy persona. I'm in college now and find it difficult to speak in class let alone present something in front of the class (shy hell, lol) I think we all find comfort in being quiet, we just want to blend in with the walls, be invisible. It all breaks down to a fear of what people think, as if a negative thought in someone elses thought process about you is a disaster. I've these irrational thought many, many times but my thoughts and anxiety are uncontrolable. I really want to find a way to gain control of these thoughts and anxiety and am currently reading painfully shy by Barbara Markway Phd. she makes alot of sense and I would recomend this book to anyone.
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Post by Laurelle on Oct 26, 2003 23:43:36 GMT -5
TEXT  hi, this is my first post here but i just wanted to say that it's happend to me too. i'd be sitting in my psychology class & we were talking about personality differences. When they started on introverted personalities, lots of my classmates glanced in my direction - no this was not in my head, they literally looked over at me - i didn't freak out, but felt like I was kind of stigmatized. i think that's the worst, when people stigmatize shys as inferior or weak. It's hard, but i'm trying my best to forget their reactions to me. i also have a hard time competing with louder people in big groups. it's like everyone jumps in at once to talk & i think it'd be impolite if i did the same. one time i tried that, and the entire group stopped in mid-sentence and it was like totally quiet. maybe they really wanted to hear what i had to say since i don't speak much. but it still annoyed me, though. Again, i think i can ignore them and just keep trying. maybe if i keep trying to interrupt, they'll get used to it and won't think twice about me being shy no more. A big HELLO to everyone ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by NewOrleansLady on Oct 27, 2003 0:49:03 GMT -5
I can relate also. The reason that I'm shy is because I care too much about what others think of me. Whenever I decide that "today is the day that I will become more outgoing", it always comes with a fear that people who know me as being shy will just think that I'm being fake. I also don't like having to deal with those same people making a big deal out of me doing or saying something that would be completly normal for any non-shy person. Because of that I'm always more outgoing around people who don't know me at all or people that I know I will never have to see again.
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Post by spitzig on Oct 27, 2003 15:14:02 GMT -5
I also don't like having to deal with those same people making a big deal out of me doing or saying something that would be completly normal for any non-shy person. When I went skydiving, I think some people found that conflicting with my shyness, so I liked that is was a way of sort of flipping people off who have a stereotype of me because I'm shy. Jumping out of a plane is much easier than talking to people--it's all about technique, and there aren't that many points of technique. |
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Post by shushyou on Oct 27, 2003 19:43:36 GMT -5
Skydiving! You must be really brave to do that. I can't picture myself doing that ever. I can't even picture myself picturing myself doing that. I'm getting a bit dizzy as it is.....  That's really cool. |
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Post by spitzig on Oct 27, 2003 21:17:03 GMT -5
Not brave--just not that scared of death. Or, maybe the fear is what makes it fun.
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Oct 28, 2003 1:41:08 GMT -5
that's awesome man, I've always wanted to but never looked up places that do it and price. Someday I'm definitely going to take the initiative, that's one of the coolest things I could imaginge...
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