Some new with a question

[quietman]

Hi,

I just recently joined ShyUnited & would like to briefly introduce myself, receive some feedback, & maybe even make some friends. My name is Dave, I’m 35-years old & have Cerebral Palsy. I’m unable to walk, have some trouble in controlling some of my muscles, & people have a difficult time verbally understanding me at first until they become familiar with my speech pattern. Some may assume that my shyness is a result of my physical disability, but I’m not sure if that’s totally the case. As a matter of fact I may not even be consider being a shy person, but I know that I’m very uncomfortable & quiet when I meet & am in the company of new people. Is that called being shy? Maybe because once I get to know & feel comfortable around the person (unless it’s a cute female) I usually can relax & be myself – am I actually not really a shy person?

Please, I don’t mean any disrespect nor do I want to hurt anybody’s feelings, but is being shy all that bad? It’s probably a matter of what individuals are comfortable with him or herself & I’m well aware that there are a lot of people who are shy & wishes he or she was rather not. I know for myself part of my shyness (if I’m considered being shy) comes as a method of protecting myself from getting rejected (sometimes it doesn't work) & I don’t take rejection easily at all. In addition, (& I don’t mean to rub some people here the wrong way), but can’t sometimes being shy in fact draw more attention to you. I believe that my thinking might be a bit backwards here & may not be making any sense; a person who is shy certainly wants attention & to be notice, but doesn’t simply because he/she is shy. It might be that I have had different experiences then most other people, but I’ve always have been sort of comfortable & like being shy.

Again, I realize that many folks here struggle with being shy & wish that he/she can overcome it; by no means do I want to upset anyone, but is shyness so bad?
Like everything else in life it’s probably a matter of to what degree. Yea, someone who constantly feels uncomfortable being around other people & avoids contact with others at all cost certainly is a problem & unhealthy. Where does shyness begin & end?

Thanks,

[GodHAMMER]

Ok. I would agree with you, partially. Being shy is not the best thing, obviously, but is not always a bad thing. I've seen many people who are shy but are still able to lead their lives close to normal -some even get married. But the problem comes when shyness interferes with our normal lives (say for example at work) or is a cause of depression or poor self esteem.

Maybe you are not as shy as other people are, and that's good for you. Something similar happens to me. Although I'm very shy, I've learned to accept this problem and I managed to rebuild my self esteem. Now I no longer get depressed for being alone. But yet, being shy is no bed of roses, especially when it tends to reduce my possibilities of getting certain things, like a promotion (at work), falling in love or simply dong things that you can't do alone, like dining in a good restaurant, for example. The point is, as you come accept your shyness, it may not be an anguish any more, but it will still a problem to cope with. So, yes, shyness does not have to be a torture, if that's the point you made.

[spitzig]

I think I agree with everything you said. Shyness is a protection mechanism. Obviously, it is good in some respects, because it obviously protects in some ways. It's nice avoiding rejection. Of course, avoiding rejection by never talking to people(extreme shyness) has obvious other problems.

Sounds like shyness to me. Shyness is situational. A LOT of people, if asked would say they would be shy talking to a very large group. Shyness seems less common with people you know are not going to reject you. And, that knowledge comes in varying degrees, and shyness does too.

Quiet is not synonymous with shyness, though. Shyness and introversion are often confused, they are not the same thing, but being quiet tends to be associated with both.

[Twice-Shy]

Hello Quietman, welcome to SHY United. I think that shyness is a totally personal thing. Shyness is like a fingerprint: no too people's experience of it is ever the same.

[inkysoftwhispers]

That's a lovely thought shane Hello quietman

Good for you if feel comfortable being shy. For me it's usually a bad thing. But i'm starting to accept that it's part of me,it's always going to be there to some extent, and it's not all bad. Hopefully we'll all eventually grow to like it,completely..one day..

And yes, sometimes it does draw more attention to us,which is funny..