Shy mannerisms.

[cubby]

I'd like to share this e-mail i got with you all, It's from Vladimir, the founder of russian martial arts which i study, He knows all about the mind and phycological ( sorry about spelling....lol ) so i sent him a e-mail asking how to overcome shyness and worrying,,,,,, he wrote this......

" While your question may not appear to have a direct correlation to martial arts on the outside, your state of mind, heart, and soul have a dynamic bearing on how you move and live on the inside. You say you are a worrier. The real question is why are you worrying? The fact you allow your mind to be filled with issues and distractions points more to your belief you need to control everything that goes on around you even when you know this is not possible. If you can control them (or at least react to them in the manner that causes you the least amount of pain), then you can make your life easier. But this desire is totally impractical. Not only that, but this need is destructive. More often than not, you will find yourself taking no action as you will be afraid you will do the wrong thing. This will then lead to more worry about failure and so on. The solution is really quite simple. Worry is the outward manifestation of fear. In this life, you need only fear the One Who has both the power and authority to do as He wishes, God. You need to recognize God is in control of all things. You are not God. When you feel yourself falling into the familiar cycle of worrying about things, you must pray to clean yourself and put your focus on what is necessary. If you truly trust God to take care of you, your need to control what you cannot humanly change evaporates.

So, pray and trust God."

Thats what he replyed to me, but ive never really believed in god... well im not sure what to think when i read his e-mail, could it be true? maybe.

Take care all

Laura.

[MissAnxiety]

I guess I "close" myself off from everybody and even God due to fear, worry, rejection, anxiety, etc . I should know better if I believe what His word says ...and I do.
Vladimir wrote some good stuff...but worry, etc tends to over take me to pray and trust God. I'm mad at myself for making these excuses.

[spitzig]

cubby said:

In this life, you need only fear the One Who has both the power and authority to do as He wishes, God. You need to recognize God is in control of all things. You are not God. When you feel yourself falling into the familiar cycle of worrying about things, you must pray to clean yourself and put your focus on what is necessary. If you truly trust God to take care of you, your need to control what you cannot humanly change evaporates.

So, pray and trust God."

Thats what he replyed to me, but ive never really believed in god... well im not sure what to think when i read his e-mail, could it be true? maybe.

I've been an atheist for going on twenty years, and, at times have had difficulties with things that used God-concepts like that. I've also got a minor in philosophy and religion. If you wish to use this and not attempt to change your belief system(and, I don't know how well deciding to changing one's belief system works), you can look at the idea of God in psychological terms.

Assuming, God doesn't exist, the idea must have some psychological benefit to people--given how many people take up religions willingly. Much of religious terminology can be put in terms of "oneself". The "God give me the strength" types of prayer seem to work quite well, asking one to give oneself the strength--if you believe you are stronger, you are.

Some of what he emailed you can be put in terms of "the way things are". I heard this stated in a Zen manner(by an American). There are three types of "business", my business, other people's business, and "the universe's"/God's/whatever's business. You have control over your business. Your business is what YOU do. Others have control over their business. The universe/God/whatever has control over it's business(this part can mean "God has a plan" OR "whatever happens, happens"). Basically, "mind your own business, and not others' business".

[Mythangel]

I use to worry about the samethings you stated. I found out along time ago that you can`t be somebody else, you have to be you. I use to try to act like everyone else, i thought that would make them accept me,but i was wrong.It only made matters worse.So then i started thinking what did i like,i got clothes that i was comfortable in, fixed my hair the way i liked it,i walked the way i normally walked.I let me be me.I`m not saying that this is a cure,but It will allow you to like yourself. That should build up your confidence some, which may help when you talk to people.

This worked for me,maybe it will work for you. Good luck

[CaryGrant]

What helps me feel less self-conscious is being in a position where I can observe others without the focus being on me. For example, if I buy a magazine and then go sit in a largish coffeeshop/busy beach/mall food court/etc., I can look at the other people around me and realise:

a) they're not paying any attention to me
b) there is a huge range of appearance - I don't really stand out
c) there are other shy people there - you can tell by their mannerisms!

This is also very helpful for finding "role models," in the sense that you can decide who you think is well-dressed, for example, and then know that if you wear similar styles you'll fit in.

[Robert]

"I suspect that these things cannot be taught, or can they? "

Yes they can.

In my case my shyness stemmed from a lack of self confidence in my self. This can be changed.

Please read through some of my prior posts for further clarification on this point.

If you wish, ask me a question, and if I can, I will answer you to the best of my ability.

Robert.

[Rose]

Hey everybody,

I am new to this board and it's really nice to know there are some fellow sufferers out there

I laughed so much at the prospect of a shy camp, imagine a bunch of shy people, avoiding eye contact, stuttering, hoping nobody would ask them anything, worrying about their clothes a week before the meeting...it would be such fun ;D ;D

But seriously, I can relate to many things written above. Especially the 'mind going blank when I have to speak' problem when talking to other people than my friends. It makes me feel like a total idiot. I know exactly want I want to say but when I have to say it - nothing. I say a few words and then I mess it all up, I blush, god I hate it so much....

Sitting or standing straight - yep, that's a problem, I am pretty tall for a female, can't be invisible no matter how I try

I've learned one thing, though - the more you want to hide your shyness, the more obvious you make it. I like the approach described by 'Just me', really cool, but so much easier said than done, I've been trying this for a while now with only partial success. But I'm determined to continue... Anyway, good luck to everybody and
hope to see you around.

rose

[SADdaydreamer]

Shy camp! what an awesome idea, if you think about it many people would benefit, everbody else has similar problems, like everyone here. if there is a midget camp i think we can get away w/ a shy camp, lol. ;D
As I've said in all my other posts, I relate with everybody. If only it were so easy to simply talk yourself out of being shy and simply not caring! I have rationalized my thoughts so much and realize how dumb they are, the fact is they are deeply ingrained and won't go away, alot of the times I catch myself thinking irrationaly---meaning it is past the conscious level and can be subconscious in nature. I know what you mean about eye contact, I try to force myself to do it but still can't, I picture my shifty eyes all the time, it's become an obsession. But a very good point was made in here, if we are to change, we must first accept ourselves for being shy and quiet. Then rationalize you thoughts. I read in a book to write down your thoughts when you are having alot of anxiety, and then counter them with a more rationaly thought. I havent actually wrote anything down because it takes time and I would have wrote a bible by now, but in theory it makes sense. I have realized many dumb things I think, just they never go away no matter how much I rationalize them. But maybe I will try to write, maybe it solidifies things...Anyway, just a few thoughts...