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Post by Michael1973 on Nov 10, 2003 10:49:09 GMT -5
We've talked before about how us shy people tend to worry about things far more than the average person. Well, do you ever find yourself worrying over imagined situations? In other words, things that might happen but you have no real indication that they will?
For example, say you get invited somewhere. At some point, roughly a week before you go, you're suddenly struck by the following thought, "Uh oh, what if so-and-so is there? That person has a tendency to do such-and-such and I hate when they do that. It makes me so uncomfortable. Now I'm dreading the event."
And you find yourself freaking out about this all week, despite having no indication that said person will be there, or that they're going to make you uncomfortable should they show up. In other words, this whole situation you're fearing is all in your imagination.
I did this to myself twice last week, and neither time did the awkward situation play out the way I feared it would. Anybody else have this problem?
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Post by MissAnxiety on Nov 10, 2003 11:07:24 GMT -5
Yeah, that happens to me A LOT  ! Either I talk myself into not going to the event/place (which mainly happens), or it usually the situation doesn't play out like I feared. |
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Post by Mythangel on Nov 14, 2003 7:40:13 GMT -5
I find the anticipation of the event is worse than the actual event. Waiting for the time to go is pure hell.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Nov 14, 2003 14:10:32 GMT -5
Right on!
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Post by Robert on Nov 26, 2003 3:15:57 GMT -5
"Well, do you ever find yourself worrying over imagined situations? In other words, things that might happen but you have no real indication that they will?"
Yes. I used to all the time.
"For example, say you get invited somewhere. At some point, roughly a week before you go, you're suddenly struck by the following thought, "Uh oh, what if so-and-so is there? That person has a tendency to do such-and-such and I hate when they do that. It makes me so uncomfortable. Now I'm dreading the event."
You are speaking my language my friend.
"In other words, this whole situation you're fearing is all in your imagination."
Yup. Been there.
Robert
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Post by Rose on Nov 26, 2003 4:06:01 GMT -5
I missed so many social events because of this - parties, celebrations, possible dates..., and if I decided to go, I spent so many hours feeling almost sick from how afraid I was...'no' was my automatic reply to any invitation, lol!
Trying to change it now, though...and things never turn out as horrible as I imagine (actually, sometimes it's worse ;D just joking...
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Post by moogle on Dec 1, 2003 21:14:27 GMT -5
I can usually find enough unimagined reasons not to do things..
But if it's something that I know I'll regret not doing later, my avoidant personality kicks in, and I simply stop thinking about it until the event is upon me.
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siri
New Member
Posts: 19
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Post by siri on Dec 1, 2003 23:42:05 GMT -5
ya... it happens to me a lot of times... i try to imagine the worst things that can happen to me when i go to a social gathering that the nearer the date i have second thoughts of going.. worst things that sometimes that is so far fetch to happen.... i just worry myself unnecessarily  |
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Dec 2, 2003 0:30:03 GMT -5
I relate with everybody here. I imagine worse case scenario alot of the times, and sometimes catch myself, and actually realize how stupid/rediculous my thoughts are, the thing is I have no control over them and I can be thinking them without even realizing it---consciously and many times subconsciously (I believe). I have a book that talks about this issue, irrational (positive or negative) and rational thinking. An example of positive irrational thinking is a friend or maybe even yourself saying "I will give this speech and it will go great"---positive. "I will give this speech and everyone will see me blush and point and laught at me"---negative. OR "I will give this speech and there is a good chance I will blush and stammer, but I will get through it and people probably won't even pay attention to me or care how embarassed I am, and no matter how bad it is, it won't matter a year from now, therefore my fear is not worth worrying". So basicly what I'm saying is it all boils down to rationalizing and controlling your thoughts and reprogramming your mind, which I find extremely difficult, because it can be one thought after another and you can't stop the thoughts from generating or existing.
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Post by spitzig on Dec 2, 2003 2:48:19 GMT -5
To some degree, you CAN control your thoughts, though. I meditate somewhat regularly. Basically, when I meditate, I concentrate on my breathing. Minds always wander during meditation, but when I notice it wandering, I just say "oh yeah, back to breathing". I've found it helps make me less anxious in general.
Buddhism is big on the idea of "changing your mind", a play on the common phrase in English.
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Post by moogle on Dec 2, 2003 9:09:55 GMT -5
To some degree, you CAN control your thoughts, though. I meditate somewhat regularly. Basically, when I meditate, I concentrate on my breathing. Minds always wander during meditation, but when I notice it wandering, I just say "oh yeah, back to breathing". I've found it helps make me less anxious in general. Buddhism is big on the idea of "changing your mind", a play on the common phrase in English. oooh, nice idea. I have tried that.. my mind gets bored just concentrating on breathing, so I do yoga instead. But either can help your well-being in general. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 2, 2003 11:48:35 GMT -5
I have heard that it is impossible to be stressed/anxious if you are taking deep, relaxing breaths (which you do in meditation and yoga). The times I have been able to remember to do this in the heat of the moment, it works.  |
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Post by mind on Dec 2, 2003 14:14:22 GMT -5
Actually, i read in abook some where, that the last thing you should do when your nervous is take deep breaths! When you do this, you actually tense all the muscles in your throat- so you really really shouldnt do it if your tryin to do a solo talk or a presentation to a group of people.
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Post by Boblouie58 on Dec 2, 2003 15:37:46 GMT -5
CG, you are right about "deep breaths", this allows for more relaxation and more air to get out what you need to say. Yes, most us being shy, do think we think too much and its usually about ourselves.  One reason to get yourself invovled in more things...so you don't spend the entire day wondering if your thoughts are good, bad or indifferent. You know, you could probably drive yourself..real crazy...if you tried too! And yes, sometime I've thought something would happen and it actually did, weird I know!  |
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Post by spitzig1 on Dec 2, 2003 19:06:11 GMT -5
oooh, nice idea. I have tried that.. my mind gets bored just concentrating on breathing, so I do yoga instead. But either can help your well-being in general. Yeah, I did too at first. I got used to it before long, though. A lot of people can't stand meditating for more than a few minutes, and gradually increase up to 15-20 minutes. That's the point at which your brainwaves start doing something. I'm not exactly a neurologist, so I don't really know what. |
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! Either I talk myself into not going to the event/place (which mainly happens), or it usually the situation doesn't play out like I feared. 
Befriend the trees...they are good listeners. ;D
One reason to get yourself invovled in more things...so you don't spend the entire day wondering if your thoughts are good, bad or indifferent. You know, you could probably drive yourself..real crazy...if you tried too!