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Post by moogle on Dec 1, 2003 22:23:05 GMT -5
I have read a few posts on here that talked about recovering by simply saying to hell with it and not caring what anyone thinks anymore and doing your own thing. Some of you questioned the validity of something that seemed easier said than done, but there are other ways.
I realized lately that I have been recovering. For me, it's a very slow process. I try to find people or places (outside of my room) that can make me feel comfortable and use that as a starting point. For instance, at my job, I have to try very hard to talk to people. It's extremely customer-service based. But the people I work with are all very good friends of mine. Their very presence puts me at ease. And the more I work with them, the more comfortable I get with the environment of the job in general. I begin to get more confidence when talking to customers.
As I said, it's coming along slowly, but I can really tell a difference. I can talk to guys without blushing, I can make trivial conversation, and I even find myself making conversation with clerks when I'm the customer (this used to be unthinkable!).
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Post by SADdaydreamer on Dec 2, 2003 0:39:14 GMT -5
Thats awesome, I'm glad to hear someone progressing! I know what u mean, u do have to push yourself. I can do things like small talk with people I don't know to a degree. But my main problem is conversation, I have a fear of coming off as quiet and boring, even with my friends and people I am close with. I always try to think of things to say and am preoccupied, I can't flow or tell stories like most people. This is most frusturating for me, mainly because I want to be a somewhat good conversationalist instead of the though of people pulling teeth to talk to me ;D
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Post by Placido on Dec 2, 2003 5:14:18 GMT -5
I'm finding it's definitely best to work in terms of small steps forward. If I go into work thinking 'Right, I'm going to be really confident and talkative today!', then it just doesn't happen. If I resolve merely to strike up a chat with someone I've not really spoken to before (even just to ask 'how's it going', then that's much more concrete and achievable. I've given myself a year to become a half-way 'normal' person with a social calender and active sex life, and broken the task down into phases. Phase one was just to start conversations with some of my more approachable co-workers, and to join some sort of club. Done that! Phase two is get on conversational terms with all co-workers, make a little small-talk to strangers and cultivate some actual friendships at work. Phase three might involve.... girls!  |
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Post by moogle on Dec 2, 2003 9:07:04 GMT -5
That's great, Placido!
I hope you're factoring in some rest-time into your plan. I find that when I am too social for too long, I get emotionally strained and it makes me want to hide in my room for a while. I try to have at least one real day off a week where I am not doing anything social.
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Post by Placido on Dec 2, 2003 9:23:07 GMT -5
Well, I live alone and have nothing to do Sundays, so that's kind of forced on me!
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 2, 2003 11:45:19 GMT -5
Placido, you and I are following the same plan! And I do agree, Moogle, that pushing the social envelope necessitates recovery time.
To the original question: I take small steps and am having noticeable success. In the past I have pushed too far, too fast, and crashed back to a lower confidence level than I started at. (Carducci talks about this in his book, advising to take it slow but steady.)
I have read about people who change overnight, but they generally had some life-altering experience - often a near-death experience! - that caused them to question their life. Motivational experts like Tony Robbins try and get the rest of us up to this level of motivation, but it has never worked for me. Slow and steady does work, and I've noticed that, as my confidence increases, the pace of change accelerates.
That said, I have good days and bad days, and on the latter I feel like I've regressed. I have to be careful not to give in on those days, or progress stops. When I get back to a good day, I realise I am ahead of where I was.
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Post by Placido on Dec 3, 2003 8:33:44 GMT -5
This can be true - and I also find once I start making conversation with other people, they start wanting to make conversation with me more often, now that I'm not the 'quiet guy in the corner' any more, thus the initial burden of initiating is lifted somewhat.
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Post by robini123 on Dec 4, 2003 6:01:18 GMT -5
"I have read a few posts on here that talked about recovering by simply saying to hell with it and not caring what anyone thinks anymore and doing your own thing."
I am one of those people but it is not quite that simple.
"Some of you questioned the validity of something that seemed easier said than done,"
In my experience, recovering from shyness was an excruciating process.
"I realized lately that I have been recovering. For me, it's a very slow process. I try to find people or places (outside of my room) that can make me feel comfortable and use that as a starting point."
This is a good starting point.
"I begin to get more confidence when talking to customers.
As I said, it's coming along slowly, but I can really tell a difference. I can talk to guys without blushing, I can make trivial conversation, and I even find myself making conversation with clerks when I'm the customer (this used to be unthinkable!)."
I applaud you and say keep it up.
Robert
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