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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 2, 2003 12:59:23 GMT -5
I've been a lazy bum for the last several months, and can't seem to break out of it. I do barely enough work to survive financially, for example, and I have a book 2/3 complete that I really want to finish but can't seem to bring myself to do so. Does anybody else have this problem? I'm wondering if it's due to all the energy being sucked up by working on my SA. I'm going out almost every day of the week, and am a little stressed that none of it has turned into friendships or dating possibilities. (Though I am trying to have faith that it will.) My theory is that stress/anxiety negatively affects my energy, so that possibly my work to oversome SA is draining energy from other areas. Or I could really have become a lazy bum. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts?  |
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Post by inkysoftwhispers on Dec 2, 2003 13:30:58 GMT -5
I'm very lazy too. I like your theory, it seems to make sense. But I know it's not true with me..i'm lazy when i'm on my own as well, with no-one there to make me anxious or stressed.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 2, 2003 14:11:21 GMT -5
LOL @ "lazy bum."  That's a good question. I, too, lack energy a lot of times. I thought maybe I was lacking a vitamin  or something, but I don't know. It can't be the fact that I don't keep in shape, so that suggestion is out. To me, your theory makes sense and sounds logical. I think with the stress and anxiety will make you mentally and emotionally exhausted therefore causing you to be physically exhausted. (I dunno, I'm just guessing and going by experience.) I wonder if there are researches on this. |
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Post by Placido on Dec 3, 2003 8:06:40 GMT -5
I'm finding I'm less inclined to pursue my hobbies, partly I think down to tiredness, but also because becoming unshy is now my main project in life, and I'm not as focused on other things.
What sort of places are you going out to CG? I tend to wander down to any pub playing live music, mostly by myself, but it's more out of boredom and loneliness than any effort to expand socially.
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 3, 2003 12:14:11 GMT -5
I posted the same question on another board, and someone suggested that if you are generally lacking in confidence and not feeling good about yourself, it is hard to have energy to put into projects. In fact, as my main project is overcoming SA, this may be using all the energy I have.
Placido, here is my "overcoming SA" program:
Mon: play hockey at noon, group canoeing at 6, Writer's Collaborative every second Monday at 7
Tues: nothing
Wed: Hockey, speed dating tonight!
Thurs: Victoria Newcomer's meeting
Fri: Hockey, volleyball in the evening
Sat: Rowing, Vegetarian potluck
Sun: Canoeing, poker night
I also do other stuff as it comes up. My plan is to do things I enjoy regularly, and expecially things like getting on teams or committees help me to become part of a group.
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Post by smartie on Dec 3, 2003 18:10:20 GMT -5
A classic symptom of depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, seasonal affective disorder, and of many other problems is loss of motivation, lethargy, tiredness, inability to focus your energies (which usually manifests as being physically active, but unproductive), and sleep pattern disturbance - awake all night, asleep or tired all day. I was fortunate (?) enough to be referred to one of the most prominent psychiatrists in the UK about ten years ago, and he told me that it is quite possible to be affected by depression, and never feel low, but to display other symptoms... strange but true, if you choose to believe him. Maybe you have some depressive problem at the moment without it being manifest through classic symptoms. Constant dwelling on your SA can also result in physical and emotional exhaustion. Again this is something I enquired about with a shrink myself. I enquired specifically about anxiety resulting in total exhaustion, and he suggested that the exhausted feelings occur when your body and mind have simply had enough of dwelling on the riddles of your problem, and he told me that no matter hoe severe the physical and mental stress, it can't remain the case forever. he also mentioned something about the production in the brain of melatonin, which I think is the chemical released to prepare us to sleep.
I came here to try and learn, and to find other shy people. I feel rejected by the few people that I had hoped would really understand. I have had a terrible time in the last 18 months, and I was stupid enough to divulge what had happened to a member here who had sent me an 'I'll lend you an ear' message. I responded, like a fool (or maybe like a shy person - with honesty, integrity, and having nothing to hide). I get a very strong impression that this individual has had the gall to decide what I am, and in his none judgemental way he has heard my story, finds it a little unsavory, distasteful, or more probably thinks I am a liar, and so has skulked away with his tail between his legs. He still posts his litanys on this site offering his advice freely, but I imagine that as soon as anyone says something that doesn't fit in with his view of the world again he'll do the same thing.
If you can't handle the truth, don't offer advice, or an ear... it's a big ugly world, and at the same time it's full of good people if you can find 'em. Being good isn't just spouting shite without conviction. Any fool can sit at a computer or stand on a soap box and talk the talk (cliched, but I don't give one).You have to have faith in others, and you should accept that other people's experiences MAY just be radically different from yours. Not everyone has a cosseted life, and some people have better or worse experiences than others. To the person who showed such a deep interest in me (and you know who you are), I am going to make a judgement about you... You are a middle class American conservative... I hate to say it, but that's not a compliment, as I am suggesting to you that you are an arch judgementalist, and that you have no idea at all about the real world, only your poorly formulated imaginings based on insular experiences in your own life.
One final point. I noticed with interest a post from a guest OKyDoky, sayign that he was not looking forward to Christmas suggesting that he felt suicidal. The lack of response to this persons plight disgusts me... he/she may well be some fool having a laugh at us losers, but I am staggered that you seem to be able to turn your back on another man or woman. Regardless of his plight, actor, psychotic, shy or idiot, you are not prepared to take a risk and feel a little silly if he is taking the piss, yes? Or maybe all of you shy people have your heads shoved so far up your own butts, that this guy doesn't matter. When you learn to respond to a plea like this, your chains will fall away from you, and you will be cured. The worst aspect of shyness is that you are selfishly denying others access to your virtues...
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Post by spitzig on Dec 4, 2003 2:19:54 GMT -5
I noticed with interest a post from a guest OKyDoky, sayign that he was not looking forward to Christmas suggesting that he felt suicidal. The lack of response to this persons plight disgusts me... Lack of response does not necessarily mean lack of interest. I get depressed quite often myself. I don't usually consider suicide to be a bad thing(for me--individual circumstances vary). I don't really think telling someone that is going to help them to be not depressed, though. |
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2shy
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Post by 2shy on Dec 4, 2003 5:20:55 GMT -5
It takes a lot of energy to cope with stressful situations all the time. Either that, or I've become a lazy bum as well! If I go out one evening, I need the next day to recover my equilibrium while my 'normal' friends start planning the next outing.
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Post by Placido on Dec 4, 2003 7:08:57 GMT -5
I posted the same question on another board, and someone suggested that if you are generally lacking in confidence and not feeling good about yourself, it is hard to have energy to put into projects. In fact, as my main project is overcoming SA, this may be using all the energy I have. Placido, here is my "overcoming SA" program: Mon: play hockey at noon, group canoeing at 6, Writer's Collaborative every second Monday at 7 Tues: nothing Wed: Hockey, speed dating tonight! Thurs: Victoria Newcomer's meeting Fri: Hockey, volleyball in the evening Sat: Rowing, Vegetarian potluck Sun: Canoeing, poker night I also do other stuff as it comes up. My plan is to do things I enjoy regularly, and expecially things like getting on teams or committees help me to become part of a group. Wow - you're doing pretty well then, and you're obviously a bit further along the road than I am to even contemplate speed dating. I'd love to know how that went, and how a shy chap would get on at that kind of thing. I might start doing singing workshops in January - that will help me with projecting my voice a bit, as well as the usual meeting-people stuff. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 4, 2003 11:41:12 GMT -5
Singing workshops! Wow! That takes guts. One of my long-term goals is to sing without worrying about what anyone thinks about it.
I will update my Diary on the speed dating results. Doing all these events is great, but now I have to take it to the next level and build some deeper intimacy with some people.
I do think smartie may have a point about the low-level depression. As the speed dating got closer, I realised I had some low level anxiety that became more pronounced as the time got closer. So quite likely this anxiety is lurking there all the time and is draining my energy to an extent. Probably even thinking about all you could be but are not is a stress that saps energy.
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Post by Placido on Dec 5, 2003 4:29:34 GMT -5
At the moment I feel self-conscious singing alone in the house!
I'm already directing the music for a local panto, which was pretty hair-raising at first, but I'm rising to the challenge. I'm getting in touch with my inner Nazi and rather enjoying telling people to shut up and pay attention!
Your diary is a great read, btw - very inspiring to see a successful transformation in progress.
Especially after reading all the bitter self-pity on alt.support.shyness (the 'support' part of that NG's name must be ironic...)
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 5, 2003 11:46:06 GMT -5
Thanks, Placido. I have a speed-dating update today!
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or something, but I don't know. It can't be the fact that I don't keep in shape, so that suggestion is out. To me, your theory makes sense and sounds logical.