Looking good = feeling good?

[Placido]

I'd be interested to hear opinions about how important looking good is to self-esteem.

I used to be firmly of the belief that only shallow people really cared what you looked like, and if you spent a lot of money on clothes then you were giving in to a consumerist culture.

Well, it was a fine enough ideal, but unfortunately just because an idea is noble, it doesn't mean it will apply in real life...

So I decided to upgrade my image a little - nothing flash, no designer labels, just some decent-looking stuff from the high street that was a big improvement on the charity-shop crap I used to wear. And now I feel a lot more confident having one less thing to feel self-conscious about - and catching a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror a few times each day and thinking 'yeah, not bad' is a good way of upping my confidence on a regular basis.

Have I sold out? Frankly I feel so much better I don't really care...

[EdgedInBlue]

I think it can go both ways. It either inflates or deflates the ego from what I've seen
I know a few very attractive people who are self concious and they go to extreme lengths to cover themselves up with clothing and whatnot, while others are intent on making sure you notice them.

[CaryGrant]

Dressing better definitely improves self-image. I think EdgedinBlue is referring to people who conflate themselves with their image.

Feeling like you've chosen clothes that suit you and show you at your best is not shallow, I don't think.

[spitzig]

I know there's a difference between self-esteem and self-confidence. From what I understand, self-esteem is "I'm good, because I'm me"(or bad, for the same reason). Self-confidence is "I'm good because of X trait." X trait might be programming or debate, or looking good. So, self-confidence is dependent upon circumstances. I can program, so I'm confident with that. But interviewing to GET that job, no confidence. I don't know how self-confidence and self-esteem interact, though. I'd think they'd feed each other to some degree.

[inkysoftwhispers]

i definitely think looking good makes you feel slightly more confident. It's nice to know other people find you attractive..obviously.. But to be honest, if i woke up as a supermodel tommorow, in designer clothes, i really dont think it would make much difference to the shyness.
That said, i know i find things like eye contact more difficult when i think i look rough.. so it does have some effect.
And if i was stripped of the clothes and make up ive chosen id feel like id lost a small part of my identity,which is a bit sad really..
But then i think its only because of our surroundings -when ive been in other less consumerist cultures where no-one bothers with make-up etc i havent cared what i look like, and havent wanted to hide away if i think im having an ugly day. Which is a great freedom

[shyvegan]

For me, this is just the opposite. Most of the time, I ware a tee shirt, jeans and no makeup. Which I feel the most comfortable in. When I dress up a lot I feel very shy, because everyone seems to look at me. And I don't like the extra attention drawn to me.

[Boblouie58]

You are all correct in what you have said. Shy people "notice" what they perceive of people looking at them, when in fact, most people are looking past you unless they know you, just think about this? Now, if they know you they may say something that we shy persons feel is not a good comment; but hey! they are human and some people know what to say in some situations and some are clumsy about it.

Try and not take any comment personally and you will feel much better.

[CaryGrant]

Nitefalz,

a) No personal attacks
b) You have no idea what 2shy or anyone else on this board is like
c) Seek therapy immediately