Post by InmanRoshi on Dec 13, 2003 15:19:08 GMT -5
Shane, I saw your story on another site and wanted to post my response to you here as well......
Shane, thank you so much for your story.
I just recently came onto this site because I know I have a huge problem with my shyness, and I was just looking to see if there was anyone else like me. Its so refreshing to see I'm not alone.
My story is so similar to yours. I, too, can remember having a crippling childhood because of my shyness. One of my worst memories as a child was my first day at school, because I had to ride the bus home. I just sat rigid and quietly as the bus drove right by my house because I was too shy to tell the busdriver it was my stop. My father, who has since passed away, would always tell the story of how he stepped out of the house and saw the bus driving away with my face pressed up against the window, non-verbally pleading for him by the expression on my face to come and save me.
I also thought I had conquered my shyness as a teenager, because I myself was a very good athlete. I was the captain of my American-style football team, and the the best player on my baseball team. I was also first in my academic class. People wanted to be my friend, and girls wanted to date me for this alone. I had my first girlfriend, but she could tell that there was something wrong with me ... like the way I would uncontrollably shake and sweat when I was holding her. Still, I thought the insecurities of my childhood were behind me. Now, I realize they were always there. People just reached out to me because of who I was, but I never had to reach out to anyone. It was too easy. I went off to college and fell in love for the first time, and I later had my heartbroken by the same girl. After that, all my old demons came back to haunt me. I started shutting myself away from others. For a long time, I was still able to aquire friends and make friendships because I'm just so generally nice and polite around people that they feel comfortable around me. Still, they have to reach out to me, I never reach out to them. For the last 8 years, its grown worse and worse. I'm to the point now where I have almost no friends left, because I won't answer the phone or try to contact someone. Everyone has to reach out to me, and many of them have lost patience. Many of my old friends from college resent me, because one day I just packed up and left without telling anyone good-bye or even that I was leaving.
I've just realized that this is crippling me. I can't go on and pretend that things are eventually going to get better. The smallest things seem so insurmountable to me. Just this last month, a lady struck my automobile in a fender bender. Her insurance company is offering to cover the cost of my vehicle repairs, as it was her fault, but I haven't contacted them because just the thought of being grilled in questioning about the accident just paralyzes me with fear. So here I sit with a huge dent in the side of my car because I can't even handle some simple questioning about an event in which I'm just an innocent bystander. Its so trivial and silly that its not even worth the time to type out onto an internet messageboard, but its so symbolic of my state of life right now.
Thanks to your site and SoulMate for giving me some direction, and most importantly some sense of hope that this can get better.
Shane, thank you so much for your story.
I just recently came onto this site because I know I have a huge problem with my shyness, and I was just looking to see if there was anyone else like me. Its so refreshing to see I'm not alone.
My story is so similar to yours. I, too, can remember having a crippling childhood because of my shyness. One of my worst memories as a child was my first day at school, because I had to ride the bus home. I just sat rigid and quietly as the bus drove right by my house because I was too shy to tell the busdriver it was my stop. My father, who has since passed away, would always tell the story of how he stepped out of the house and saw the bus driving away with my face pressed up against the window, non-verbally pleading for him by the expression on my face to come and save me.
I also thought I had conquered my shyness as a teenager, because I myself was a very good athlete. I was the captain of my American-style football team, and the the best player on my baseball team. I was also first in my academic class. People wanted to be my friend, and girls wanted to date me for this alone. I had my first girlfriend, but she could tell that there was something wrong with me ... like the way I would uncontrollably shake and sweat when I was holding her. Still, I thought the insecurities of my childhood were behind me. Now, I realize they were always there. People just reached out to me because of who I was, but I never had to reach out to anyone. It was too easy. I went off to college and fell in love for the first time, and I later had my heartbroken by the same girl. After that, all my old demons came back to haunt me. I started shutting myself away from others. For a long time, I was still able to aquire friends and make friendships because I'm just so generally nice and polite around people that they feel comfortable around me. Still, they have to reach out to me, I never reach out to them. For the last 8 years, its grown worse and worse. I'm to the point now where I have almost no friends left, because I won't answer the phone or try to contact someone. Everyone has to reach out to me, and many of them have lost patience. Many of my old friends from college resent me, because one day I just packed up and left without telling anyone good-bye or even that I was leaving.
I've just realized that this is crippling me. I can't go on and pretend that things are eventually going to get better. The smallest things seem so insurmountable to me. Just this last month, a lady struck my automobile in a fender bender. Her insurance company is offering to cover the cost of my vehicle repairs, as it was her fault, but I haven't contacted them because just the thought of being grilled in questioning about the accident just paralyzes me with fear. So here I sit with a huge dent in the side of my car because I can't even handle some simple questioning about an event in which I'm just an innocent bystander. Its so trivial and silly that its not even worth the time to type out onto an internet messageboard, but its so symbolic of my state of life right now.
Thanks to your site and SoulMate for giving me some direction, and most importantly some sense of hope that this can get better.
