My kids are suffering because IM shy....

[buffyangelfan]

Hi all,

Im new to this forum, but after reading loads of posts, I thought someone might be able to help me with a small problem I have. Just some hints and tips, or perhaps other peoples similar experiences so I know Im not alone ?

Heres my story ( short version hehehe )

Im a mum to twin 4 year old boys, my husband and I have just moved to a new state and Ive been shy my whole life, but I have dealt with it and accept that its who I am. I quite like, and have gotten used to doing
things alone when my hubby is working etc.

The problem is, I feel as though my kids are missing out on things such as playdates, making friends and going to little birthday parties because unfortunately, these things usually only occur after the mums become friends, then the kids start playing together.

I simply just do not know what to say to strangers, and have a battle trying to do the smallest thing like go to a Playgroup or similar. I also think I dont fit in with other mums as Im not a gossip, dont compete with others or basically have anything in common with people after their fascination with me having twins is over.

The strange thing is, my husband is also shy and has only one good friend. We are quite friendly with his friends family which is fantastic as our kids get to play together. This family also has small kids and also a 13 year old daughter who i get along with extremely well. I seem to like what the younger ones like ( Im 29 ) such as clothes, makeup, movies and music and I really wish adults were into that as we'd get on great !!

Basically, I had not many friends in high school as I was probably considered 'the nerd, a loner and teachers pet' and i feel as though I missed out on the makeup, music and clothes talk. Does anyone think Im prehaps trying to make up for that now ? I am genuinely interested in these things though so Im not sure why I seem so different, surely there are other peope my age into these things ?

I just dont know how to act 29 I guess ? Im really not into anything like doing gardens, or tupperware parties etc.. How can I talk to other mums so my kids will have some friends ?

ID LOVE ANY HELP, ADVICE or ANYTHING !
Thanks heaps,
buffy_angel_fan

[spitzig]

I'm under the impression most people like movies and music. Different people like different movies and music, though. Also, plenty of women seem into clothes and makeup. Interest in these things seems to drop off a lot with kids, though. Kids seem to become a much more primary interest. I suck at getting to know people based on pretty much anything like that, though.

I've always heard that the most useful thing to talk about with parents is THEIR kids--most parents like talking about them. I guess just ask "How's Joey doing?" "How did Joey do at his football game?", stuff like that. Try to remember the details of their kids' lives, even if you don't really care. It makes you look like you care, and gives an opportunity to develop a relationship, and at some point you might care.

[CaryGrant]

Don't assume that all the other moms are gossips, competitive, etc. Some will be deeper than that, but the only way to find them is to get out there and talk to them. You don't want your kids to grow up painfully shy, I'm sure, so you have to lead by example. You don't have to be a party animal, but if you could get yourself comfortable with yourself and around most types of people, that would be a big help to your kids.

[Low]

I can connect with you on the feeling young deal. I am 37 and find I can more connect to people younger than I am. Like you I didn't have friends I hung out with in high school so I missed all the social girly things that teenagers do. And certainly I don't look my age nor do I act it. This used to bother me because I thought I should be acting my age. Who knows how an adult is supposed to act anyway. Not saying I act totally childish or immature, but I feel like a younger person on the inside. So in a way we are making up for that lost time. Starting something difficult is usally very hard, but the best thing to do is to take a baby step because a giant step is too anxiety driven. There is always someone out there who is quiet and shy. You can always spot them. I usually talk with these ones first because i can emphathize with how they might be feeling. So maybe you can take a baby step and observe someone who is shy and approach them. Probably don't overwhelm them because like you this shy person may feel intimidated and suspicious of your motives. It is good you realize your children will need interaction to learn social skills and express themselves. I never had anyone to show me how to do this so by trial and error, I have been learning. Maybe enroll them in some activity so they have the chance to interact with other kids could help.