"I preferred it when you DIDN'T talk!"

[Wayne]

I have recently been trying to get out of my silent prison, as I thought I had nothing to lose. Today I approached a group of classmates and started talking to them, and they showed me no interest whatsoever. One even said I should go back to being a loner in the corner, and another said, "I preferred it when you didn't talk". Now, it took me weeks to build up the courage to talk to these people, and I did it. I thought that I would be proud of myself, but now I regret ever doing it. What is the point in overcoming shyness if when you try and talk to people they give you loads of grief? I am starting to think that shy people like myself are better off being shy so they do not make a fool of themselves and they do not feel any unnecessary pain. Their hurtful comments have made things ten times worse, now I know I will never try and talk to people ever again. I wish I had not even thought of overcoming shyness, before I was an ignored loner, now I am an hated loner.

[Nicole]

First off, those people are complete.....uh, jerks. (I'm not used to posting on a moderated board, so I'm not sure what I can say and what I can't say.)

I'm going to assume you're in high school. Ugh, I hated high school. I had a few close friends and everyone else pretty much stuck with their own little clique. Things got much better in college and I was friends with virtually everyone. People change when they leave high school; trust me. Things will get better and people will get nicer.

But good for you for getting up the nerve to talk to them - I imagine it must have been difficult. Unfortunately, it didn't work out the way you planned. But don't let that make you start categorizing things in such extreme ways - they were jerks, so EVERYONE must be jerks, etc. That's the thing with socializing - sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. Some people will like you and some people won't. You can't fit everything into black and white categories; if you have a bad experience, you just have to say "oh well" and move on to the next one. (Often easier said than done, I know.)

YOU didn't do anything wrong - they did. I honestly can't imagine anyone being that cruel, but high schoolers can often surprise you. Now you know that that particular group of people is not worth being friends with anyway. Move on to the next. Better yet - maybe you could try talking to one particular person in class? People are sometimes easier to talk to one-on-one than in groups.

Don't let it get you down. *Everyone* has bad social experiences! There are nice people out there, though, and you'll find them eventually. Good luck!

[EdgedInBlue]

Exactly right, Nicole. I've had a terrible time in highschool myself. The best thing you can do right now is study and go to college where you have a more accepting crowd. People who say stupid things like that just aren't worth the time or the energy

[glenn miller]

hi
i did not like highschool eather. was pretty hard. i only had 1 friend .

[shylurker]

Wayne...

They sound like a bunch of losers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They felt threatened by your coming up to them and talking to them and they felt afraid.

I really think that is what drives people to be complete utter assholes - fear!

does it make sense.

Wayne, this may sound easier said then done, but don't let them get to you.

Are you in highschool? Highschool sucks. It is full of little insecure fukwits who think they can get away with treating people badly...and then when they enter the real world they soon discover that they've been wrong all those years thinking that they can get away with that kind of behaviour.

Don't let it get to you at all.

I used to be so shy even around my own group of friends in highschool, that when I did say something they all looked at me weird and never took me seriously. I found the only way to gain acceptance was to be the "clown"...and it is kind of stupid because it only made them take me less seriously, if you know what I mean.

I think society dismisses shy people, and this isn't right.

I think it is really brave of you to pucker up the courage to talk to them. But I have one question in my head...why did you want to talk to them anyway?

Or maybe you didn't know they were assholes. I am sure you do not want to talk to them now.

I don't know what else to say, but I hope it all works out for you. I've been through so much pain with not being accepted cause I'm the quiet girl all the time... and I've learnt it is easier when you can talk about with people..and support others in the same situation... and that is why I think this message board is great...because together we can possibly unite in spirit and overcome our issues caused from our "shyness".

I don't think shyness is a problem. But the issues it causes like low-confidence and low self esteem are. And it is this way because society dismisses shy people and dismisses it as a personality, it looks at it as a weakness, and this really isn't true!!!!!!!!!

I don't know, I think I am rambling now, don't read too much into my last two paragraphs, because I am getting more and more confused about it as I think about more and more. You know sometimes when your mind runs around in circles...

Wayne, if you need to chat, we're all here okay

Feel free.

[ASolitarySoul]

Wayne said:

I have recently been trying to get out of my silent prison, as I thought I had nothing to lose. Today I approached a group of classmates and started talking to them, and they showed me no interest whatsoever. One even said I should go back to being a loner in the corner, and another said, "I preferred it when you didn't talk". Now, it took me weeks to build up the courage to talk to these people, and I did it. I thought that I would be proud of myself, but now I regret ever doing it. What is the point in overcoming shyness if when you try and talk to people they give you loads of grief? I am starting to think that shy people like myself are better off being shy so they do not make a fool of themselves and they do not feel any unnecessary pain. Their hurtful comments have made things ten times worse, now I know I will never try and talk to people ever again. I wish I had not even thought of overcoming shyness, before I was an ignored loner, now I am an hated loner.

Man this bites - I had this happen to me a time or two.

OK - are there any other shy people (rejected/social outcasts) in your school?
Surely you can associate with them? ... form your own little clique’
of outcasts?

What are your personal interests? If it’s something that you can share
with others, then it’s something with which you can build relationships
- indeed, interests in common is the cornerstone of most every viable
relationship.


Solitary Soul
all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
--------------------------------------------------------

[Alecto]

I agree with asolitarysoul. Try to befriend some of the other loners or outcast in your school. They are probably in need of some friends, but too shy to approach anyone. So maybe starting a friendship with outcasts can be good.

[glenn miller]

it could work to try and be a friend with a shy person. to talk to. has not happened a whole with me.

[Mr Same]

I go thru the same thing, Wayne. I don't like to talk to people who know everything about me, and right now it's like everybody knows everything and they're all wrong. I plan to be silent the rest of my life. Even the television talking gets to me, so I turn it off. I've got a machine head. The theory of why goes back along time, and I'm done with society. The slower I move, the quicker I...

Of course much worse things have happened to much better people, so.

[SetApart]

I avoided talking in class in high school even if I was the only one who knew the answer. In university I deliberately took the classes that didn't require participation. I had a couple people to talk to but they were never in my classes so I was alone. The few people I hung with were the "outcasts" that didn't fit in the social cliques. They are the ones that will accept others more readily and are the ones that can give you support. It took time to develop a 'friendship'....just start with one-on-one short chats about little things and work your way on from there. Make a list of topics before you start so you don't panic. Some people will pan out and some won't. You need less courage after a while and you start to feel safe with the ones that work.

You know, people have told me they thought I was a bitch before they knew me, because I was so shy. People who aren't shy just don't get it unless you tell them and sometimes not even then. They can't even imagine the feelings of anxiety we experience.

Good luck...remember you aren't alone and that we are all valuable!

[Shypuppy17]

The same thing happened to me in high school. I built up enough courage to ask this group of girls if I could sit with them at lunch. One of the girls reply was "this seat is taken." Another one even told me to go back to sitting alone. My advice is to find one person who seems nice enough to talk to. Having one good friend is better than none. That group of people sound like real jerks. I can sympathize with you because I know it takes lots of courage and when they act like jerks, it seems like its no use talking anymore. Not all people are like that.

[+_sdgirl_+]

Having one or two close friends is better than having "friends" like that to try to fit in with.
I'm a Senior in high school and i still haven't found a "clique" that i can fit into, but i don't worry about it because that part of my life will be well over and then I can move on to bigger and better things with out the immaturity.
Hope things start looking up for you soon

[Ghost]

I think you approached the wrong people Wayne. As soon as I saw cliques, I felt unwilling to participate into their activities. In this case I knew those people well enough (classmates) and some were pretty ok. However, the people I thought to be all about fashion and being trendy, drooling about Brad Pitt and giggling gossiping, I avoided like a pest ;D

I agree with the others. You have to find "like minded". I sure I had more to say, but when I walked off from my computer I lost any memory recollection of what I wanted to type...

[Jarous]

Guest-Shypuppy17 said:

I built up enough courage to ask this group of girls if I could sit with them at lunch. One of the girls reply was "this seat is taken." Another one even told me to go back to sitting alone.

Always wondering what makes people behave in such a way. Must they make other people feel bad to feel good themselves? Shypuppy, it's definitely better to sit alone than with human beings constantly displaying their inhumanity. In that way you may be lucky and some amiable people will sit with you.

[Ghost]

I guess it is a clique mentality: being cruel to another is natural to them and proof to others they are not to mess with. Sort of Alpha-females behavior, to show the oucast/underdog that s/he is standing on ground that only the elite may occupy.

Such cruel people. Now I am rather relaxed about it, but if I was there I would have the serious need to slap them silly. Note how gently I express myself about such immature people who think they are quite something by their complete silly "pack" behavior.