Post by Haze on Jan 26, 2004 22:34:33 GMT -5
Hello there
i have only just now come across this place and i do feel quite excited about possibly finding someone new to talk with. but it still gets me alittle nervous when i think i'll actully be talking so deeply about serious problems. i havn't been out propperly for about a year now and it is only just recently iv been realising why its got so bad. i recon this is because people are worried about me and i feel a great craving to get out there and help myself or things are just gonna get worse.i only have one longtime friend and i even go on dawners when he comes over, he doesn't realise whats happend to me. i just freeze up don't really know what to say or how to compose myself this has led to me shaping my wholeself to suit people and now im abit lost. i have such a bad memory also and this just adds to my entire uniqueness. i didn't used to really have problems meeting friends, when i was 15-16 i was in a really really good band and we used to hangabout in huge groups in town go to parties and all that and i felt part of it cos i had the boys with me and they kinda understood me. i could get chics eventhough i never opend up, but then i found myself allways close to tears and allways allways thinking and comparing myself to everyone around which was just stupid of me because im not like them and they new it but never really said anything. "i was just abit quiet". to cut it short the gauitarist left the band for some chic and i only saw them once more together. now im to scared to go out let alone go into town. i started walking alot cos i have parks all around and just sitting in field trying to meditate but after awhile of seeing the same dog walkers everyday i started getting nervouse AGAIN cos wot i see as normal is not to them.one of the final times i went out was when a couple walking past with massive german shepards pointed me out i don't know wot they said but thats the scaryist part. i havn't even gon for a walk in a while i don't really know why just fuckin scared of confrontation i think its screwed up. this is why i need someone.
i never had a proper education witch is another thing that adds to my big picture. i have allways had to think deep just to say a few words and cant talk without saying emm. i need to do something real soon cos im pissing my family off. when i get out of here i wanna be an eco friendly and all that maybe voluntear for greenpeace or something i dont care for money and stuff like that. im really into growing and cooking thats how i pass most of my time these days. in the evening i just listen to music bob dylan mainly i like anything from the 60's. cos music these days is all wot i call emotional rollercoaster music and simply has got no meaning behind it. i would have loved to live the 60's cos i love nature and funky colours. so, basicly i need a partner someone whose abit alike and can understand my concerns and just see through me. thats what im scared of never being understood. someone who hates our shitty western world as much a me. all corperations and industryliseation, fishermen, most governments, people who talk nothingness, dial a pizza, anyone that hurts animals, coka cola that type of crap. possibly a chic to get aquainted with, a girl who wants to eventually move somewhere nice S.O.F e.g and settle but male friends are also needed to help with my fears. its just people i guess the notso nice ones but the nice i do get along with but i have to build those bridges first. if anyone can make any sense of this shitt please get intouch dont be put off by the confusion of these words its the first time iv tryed to get anything out in over a year id love to know you.
this is my cry for help *HAZE* of the U.K age 18 Male
here is my e-mail address it would be nice to hear from a person for once not just loads of newsletters
JayEm@skinner2625.fslife.co.uk
i have only just now come across this place and i do feel quite excited about possibly finding someone new to talk with. but it still gets me alittle nervous when i think i'll actully be talking so deeply about serious problems. i havn't been out propperly for about a year now and it is only just recently iv been realising why its got so bad. i recon this is because people are worried about me and i feel a great craving to get out there and help myself or things are just gonna get worse.i only have one longtime friend and i even go on dawners when he comes over, he doesn't realise whats happend to me. i just freeze up don't really know what to say or how to compose myself this has led to me shaping my wholeself to suit people and now im abit lost. i have such a bad memory also and this just adds to my entire uniqueness. i didn't used to really have problems meeting friends, when i was 15-16 i was in a really really good band and we used to hangabout in huge groups in town go to parties and all that and i felt part of it cos i had the boys with me and they kinda understood me. i could get chics eventhough i never opend up, but then i found myself allways close to tears and allways allways thinking and comparing myself to everyone around which was just stupid of me because im not like them and they new it but never really said anything. "i was just abit quiet". to cut it short the gauitarist left the band for some chic and i only saw them once more together. now im to scared to go out let alone go into town. i started walking alot cos i have parks all around and just sitting in field trying to meditate but after awhile of seeing the same dog walkers everyday i started getting nervouse AGAIN cos wot i see as normal is not to them.one of the final times i went out was when a couple walking past with massive german shepards pointed me out i don't know wot they said but thats the scaryist part. i havn't even gon for a walk in a while i don't really know why just fuckin scared of confrontation i think its screwed up. this is why i need someone.
i never had a proper education witch is another thing that adds to my big picture. i have allways had to think deep just to say a few words and cant talk without saying emm. i need to do something real soon cos im pissing my family off. when i get out of here i wanna be an eco friendly and all that maybe voluntear for greenpeace or something i dont care for money and stuff like that. im really into growing and cooking thats how i pass most of my time these days. in the evening i just listen to music bob dylan mainly i like anything from the 60's. cos music these days is all wot i call emotional rollercoaster music and simply has got no meaning behind it. i would have loved to live the 60's cos i love nature and funky colours. so, basicly i need a partner someone whose abit alike and can understand my concerns and just see through me. thats what im scared of never being understood. someone who hates our shitty western world as much a me. all corperations and industryliseation, fishermen, most governments, people who talk nothingness, dial a pizza, anyone that hurts animals, coka cola that type of crap. possibly a chic to get aquainted with, a girl who wants to eventually move somewhere nice S.O.F e.g and settle but male friends are also needed to help with my fears. its just people i guess the notso nice ones but the nice i do get along with but i have to build those bridges first. if anyone can make any sense of this shitt please get intouch dont be put off by the confusion of these words its the first time iv tryed to get anything out in over a year id love to know you.
this is my cry for help *HAZE* of the U.K age 18 Male
here is my e-mail address it would be nice to hear from a person for once not just loads of newsletters
JayEm@skinner2625.fslife.co.uk