hi, I'm painfully shy. There is a girl in my class at college who is shy too. I have a massive crush on her and I would love to ask her out. Any advice on how I should do it? I've never had a girlfriend before and I'm afraid of making a complete fool of myself.
Post by unionjackattack86 on Mar 14, 2003 12:46:17 GMT -5
If your both shy, one good way of asking her out might be by doing it through a letter or a card, that way you don't have the embarassment of asking face to face and she doesn't have the embarassment of being asked plus it gives her time to think about it. If you don't know her that well, I wouldn't advise asking her out as in a relationship, I would just ask her to the cinema or somewhere and the cinemas always a good place to go for a date as you don't have to speak much. And if it goes well and you get to know each other better and become more comfortable with each other, then you could ask her out. You have more of a chance of her saying yes if she knows you pretty well and has spent some time with you than if your just some guy out of her class.
Having read about your situation I realise im in the same state. Im currently at college aswell and have special feelings for this girl in the same class as me. However like you I am painfully shy and have never had the courage to ask any girls I liked out for fear of rejection. However unfortunately I do disagree with the previous advice being given. Girls enjoy a sense of confidence in a man and you'll see that in every couple you walk past.
One thing you have to get across inside your mind though is that if you really want to go out with her, you have to ask her out as if your life depends on it. This way the fear of rejection is taken away or minimised so that it is forgotten for a brief period of time. Sending a card or letter may have its advantages but it can also carry its disadvantages for example she may think even if you are shy that you dont have the courage to speak to her let alone ask her out.
Another way to tackle it is to start speaking to her friends first build up a friendship with them and then gradually speak to her get to know her and if you like what you see ask her out to the cinema. In conclusion I think she will respect you more if you ask her out in person that way she knows you have the courage to ask people out and dont care about rejection.
Good advise Stu Some girls might find a card somewhat romantic though. But friendship is always the best way to start. That way you get to know each other better and for longterm relationships, being friends is a must.
Dear forum readers...I know I make a lot of spelling mistakes (and some grammar). Please, have patience with poor old me, because my fingers type and delete faster then my poor head can keep up with ;D
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried...j/k
I'd be the first to agree that women admire confidence in a man, but I wanted to stick up for unionjack. He didn't specify how the card was to be delivered - it could be handed to her. And, as she is shy, too, then as UJ said, the card makes it easier for her, and as a shy person she may respect the effort made to make and deliver the card. She may not expect him to be super-confident and smooth.
Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it.
I have been there, in college, and had this same problem.
I being also painfully shy tried to do it two different ways both of which were successful I might add. 1) find out who her friends are and ask them to "fix you up" or 2) find out her phone number (most college campus' have student directory's) and call her up and talk to her on the phone.
But most of the time, I had other girls I was comfortable with, fix me up. Hope this helps.