Over the weekend, my b/f and I went out with a couple of people he knows from work. Of course, I barely said anything the whole time. I fidgeted and looked at the ground mostly. I am PAINFULLY shy, especially around new people, although they were a very nice couple. When we got in the car my boyfriend practically exploded and asked me if I was going to act like that every time we spent time with other people. He's a complete social butterfly, so it's hard for me to explain myself. It's also difficult for him to understand shyness. Now that we've talked a little bit (and are getting along fine), I was wondering if anyone could offer book suggestions for couples. I'm not coming up with anything. Thanks!
Post by Michael1973 on Sept 26, 2003 13:11:40 GMT -5
I have mixed feelings on how to respond to your situation. On the one hand, I definitely sympathize with you because I know how hard it is when people act like you can change your quiet nature just by deciding to.
On the other hand, I feel like you're lucky to have someone who's taking an interest in your problem. (Granted, he's not handling it very professionally.) See, in my case people generally ignore me. They see I'm quiet and therefore don't bother with me very much at all. I think if more people had taken the time to say more than hello to me (or even ask me why I'm so quiet, and not in a joking fashion) when I was younger, it would have helped me be more social in my later years.
I understand your situation perfectly, because I am exactly the same. At least you are lucky enough to have someone special. My shyness has cost me everything including any chance of a meaningful relationship. People just don't understand why you can't 'take part'. I have just taken to staying at home as much as possible. That's far less hassle!
Try to make your boyfriend understand how you are feeling, but if that soesn't work, and he can't accept you for who you are, then maybe he's not the right person for you? Good luck anyway.
Hi Clare, I don't know of any good books for couples on shyness off the top of my head. There is a free email course advertised on the main SHY United Homepage. Maybe you and your boyfriend could work through that. It breaks your shyness down into separate parts. Maybe it would help you both better deal with your shyness in the future.
Positive website for people who are shy and/or are interested in self-help.