Post by luvmyshyguy on Sept 25, 2003 21:44:09 GMT -5
Hello everyone! I'm really glad I found this board. It's a shame there are not more people posting. Anyway, I'm in-love with the most wonderful man but we're having some issues due to his shyness. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life and help him to overcome his shyness and we have made significant progress already, but I would really like to find a mature adult I could talk with to give me some insight, advice, suggestions, etc.
Let me give you a little background. We met over the internet in a political discussion forum. Neither of us was looking for a relationship. It seems that the internet allows shy people to be a little more bold than usual. Had we met in person, I doubt we would be where we are today. I live in the States and he lives in London. I'll be with him in a few weeks and I'll stay there for several months. Can't wait! ;D I'm 31 and he's 44.
He's extremely shy when it comes to the opposite sex. Let me put it this way - I'm basically his first relationship. Amazing to me because he's so perfect in so many ways. Anyway, we have some sexual issues to overcome, relationship issues, etc., and would really just like someone to talk to who would understand his point of view so that I can understand better.
Post by luvmyshyguy on Sept 25, 2003 22:34:47 GMT -5
Oh, and please don't be shy about contacting me! Seriously. Don't just read my post and move on. If you are shy then please respond, privately if you would prefer. There are alot of issues that come along with shyness such as tending to be too nice and getting taken advantage of at work and by friends and neighbors, not to mention the other things I mentioned above. I want to understand things from my guy's shy perspective so that I know the best way to deal with issues when they come up. I really love this man and don't want to blow it, see?
Well, I'm not sure if I can help, but I don't mind trying to answer any questions. Here or by email. My email address is in the profile.
The only thing I can think of is that you shouldn't make assumptions. For example, he's shy therefore he is(or is not) X. All things are just possibilities, since shy people are shy in different ways. It always seems connected to self-esteem. That tends to mean problems in other areas than just dating. Insecurity, thinking others are thinking X about him. The combination might apply to you as well. I don't know much about dating shy people, since I've not dated extensively, either. But, a lot of it can be generalized to interactions.
Post by luvmyshyguy on Oct 11, 2003 23:01:59 GMT -5
I forgot where this board was.
Anyway, thanks for your replies. I'll be with my guy soon and I don't know how he would feel if he knew I was looking into all of this shyness stuff, so I'm going to just concentrate on spending time with him for a while. I have no doubt that you will hear from me again in the future though.
Hello Luvmyshyguy. If your looking for somebody mature, good looking, sensible etc , I'm your man.
Shane! Are you offering to help me in the relationship department, or are you offering me a relationship?! ;D ;D ;D ;D
Hey! Hope it went well! Probably too late for this advice, but:
- Be supportive and nonjudgemental - Don't pressure the sex thing - Be encouraging
Don't be an "enabler" for his shyness - meaning, it's one thing to be supportive, and another to let him be shy all the time. You and he will have a very frustrating life. It is a fine line between putting pressure on him (he will be putting plenty on himself) and making it too easy for him to stay shy with you.
That said, many shy people become much less shy once they get to know you. I hope that was your experience!
Each indecision brings its own delays and days are lost lamenting over lost days... What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic, power, and genius in it.