loner
New Member
Posts: 9
|
Post by loner on Mar 28, 2004 13:25:44 GMT -5
I'm in a position I absolutely hate. I'm 22, a senior in college, and despite being a good looking and somewhat charming guy, I've never ____ with a girl. Just fill in the blank with whatever you can imagine. I suppose it's mainly been self-esteem issues, and I haven't had a social life in years, and it's kind of hard to imagine a girl becoming interested in a guy who has no friends, so I just never really bothered. Nothing much has happened in my life, and I feel like an uninteresting person with nothing to add to a conversation, even though, deep down, I know I have a good sense of humor, interesting points of view and am open-minded.
But I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, never even kissed a girl, and it kills me. The past couple semesters, out of no where I've had a surge in motivation to meet people and try to "improve my game" (so to speak) with girls, but nothing has come of it except for meeting one girl whom I'm pretty damn sure had an 'interest' in me, but because of my shyness and lack of experience and assertion skills, I'm pretty sure we're just "friends" at this point. And now, I'm about to graduate from college. College is supposedly THE time in one's life to meet all sorts of interesting people and become familiar with the opposite sex, and I never took advantage of it. So what is it like out there in the "real world" as far as meeting girls and dating for someone like me? Is it entirely hopeless? If I couldn't get a girlfriend in college, how the hell am I going to out there in the real world with a 9-5 job, all the other BS responsibilities, and not living on a campus full of girls my age?
God, this makes me so depressed.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jarous on Mar 28, 2004 13:59:46 GMT -5
Come on, man, you speak as if life ends after university.
The girl you mentioned, are you interested? Why not give it a try? How have you met her? Do you know her interests? If not, find out, then invite her to do something she enjoyes together. As friends, not a date. Consider it 'experience gaining.'
I would start with yourself though. How can you be both uninteresting and humorous? Clearly, you have to challenge your mind pattern. It might be easier to do so with male friends first before going girlfriend-hunting.
|
|
l0ner
Junior Member
Posts: 68
|
Post by l0ner on Mar 28, 2004 14:35:44 GMT -5
In a way I feel as though my life ended years ago....I've barely enjoyed it at all. And that was during high school and college when people are supposed to have fun. I just don't see how, if I couldn't have fun and meet people then, I would be able to after college. That's all I meant.
I'll clarify/elaborate on that. We met maybe 8 weeks ago or so. There was some subtle initial flirting going on (the smiling and eye contact stuff, I have no problems with that), and she approached me and we kind of 'hit it off'. A week later we hung out for the first time, it went alright I guess, but I of course felt as though I was boring her (I'm not good with conversation, especially with people I don't know). Turns out she seemed to enjoy it and wanted to get together again. I honestly couldn't fathom why, but I just went with it.
So we did, and we talked a bit, nothing really 'happened', she gave me her phone number, and I called her up asking if she wanted to 'get together'. We eventually did...watched a movie at her place, and it was obvious she wanted to get pretty close on the couch....by the end of the movie she had her head on my shoulder, my arm around her, and we were touching each other's arms and whatnot. That was the closests I've ever gotten with a girl. It seemed to be going great, and when she dropped me off at my place (she lives off campus and has a car, I don't), I SOMEHOW mustered the courage to actually kiss her....and she rejected it and was 'sorry'. Whatever. Turns out there might be 'somebody else' whom she is seeing on-and-off, but I dunno.
Ever since then we've gotten together mostly just to eat dinner, and have actually hung out a few times, but nothing has "happened". I have a hard time telling "how" she likes me and what kind of interest she has in me, but the whole situation is kind of weird, and we hardly ever have a real conversation (like I said, I'm not good conversation), and we hardly ever do stuff together. In the first four or so weeks of knowing her I'd call her up once or twice a week asking if she wanted to get together, and she was usually 'busy' or already had plans or whatever, so I've just kind of given up on that. I'm sure if I had been more assertive in this way or that way, something more might have happened along the way. But I'm just not assertive enough and I'm usually too shy, I often feel like I'm boring her, and she has a social life that is an absolute antithesis of mine(or lack thereof), and I would feel too nervous and awkward get involved in all that and possibly be exposed as a lifeless, friendless, anti-social loser (she doesn't really know about that for the most part, somehow). So I guess we're just "friends" at this point (although we hardly ever see each other), even though there does seem to be a hint of "more than just friends" chemistry between us. I just don't think I'm read for that, though.
I know I have a good sense of humor, but by "uninteresting" I just mean I don't really know how to be social, I suck at chit-chat and conversation and too often can't think of anything to say, and I have a hard time expressing (at least in an interesting way) thoughts and ideas and stories. I also don't really have anything going on in my life, and no real hobbies, so that doesn't help with not having anything to talk about.
As for guy friends, yeah, I know that's something I should work on. But for some reason that seems even harder. I haven't had any friends in a long time, and I just find it hard to relate to other guys, connect with them, and have interesting conversations. That in itself sucks, but it would also make it harder with girls because someone who has no friends I think would usually be seen as somewhat of a weirdo.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jarous on Mar 28, 2004 15:16:45 GMT -5
In a way I feel as though my life ended years ago.... But it hasn't. It's never too late to start doing something (especially improving yourself). It seems the girl doesn't want you as a boy-friend, but you can still be 'just friends.' You say, you don't have hobbies. It's rather that you don't know your hobbies. Could you ask her to do her interests with you - perhaps you'll develop a liking to some of them. Or try them on your own - sports or culture - just try a bit of everything a see what you prefer. Take her as a friend and learn from her. There are more women waiting for you ;-) Her initial acting shows females are interested in you, find comfort and confidence in that. |
|
|
|
Post by spitzig on Mar 29, 2004 0:44:46 GMT -5
As for guy friends, yeah, I know that's something I should work on. But for some reason that seems even harder. I haven't had any friends in a long time, and I just find it hard to relate to other guys, connect with them, and have interesting conversations. That in itself sucks, but it would also make it harder with girls because someone who has no friends I think would usually be seen as somewhat of a weirdo. I can relate to that. I am by no means very successful with women, but at least with women, there is some clear progression of the relationship. Asking for a phone number can be easy if the conversation has been good. Talking on the phone, too. The next stage is dates, then kissing(if it goes the romantic route), then sex. That's the furthest I've gotten in the game, I understand the next level is pretty hard, though.  (first time I've turned dating into a video game metaphor LOL) For guys, though, it seems like there needs to be something specific to call them about--which I rarely have with someone I just met. As far as hobbies, you can get those. Go to the library and look around the non-fiction section for ideas. Put "hobbies" into google. Try things that have peaked your interests in the past--if they continue to do so, turn them into hobbies. Check out clubs and interest groups that sound interesting--there are people to talk to there, too. And, something to talk about. |
|
(first time I've turned dating into a video game metaphor LOL) For guys, though, it seems like there needs to be something specific to call them about--which I rarely have with someone I just met.