does he like me

[penny]

I need some advice I met this guy in college and were both in our 30’s and I’m really shy and he’s somewhat shy. I how can I tell if he likes me or not with him being shy? He approached me first but when he did very nervous but he never would introduce himself or ask what my names is so I finally did. He has done things like open the door and has asked me more than once if marriage and children are in my future and where I’m going to live after college. He always smiles and winks at me a lot with his face all lit up but when his classmates are around he will not flirt but acknowledges me. In the cafeteria and if were both in their he will not come up to me I will not either I’m afraid but he does stare at me though or if I’m studying he will not interrupt me but I will not bother him either. Whenever he has tried to touch my arm or shoulder he pulls away and gets nervous. I believe he knows I’m shy cause he’s not too forward and does not laugh and we have talked at times alone on campus and were both comfortable with that. Were both really busy with school and work he works 30 hrs and takes 20 hrs at school so we do not have any leisure time our time goes to studying? I have seen him talked to other girls on campus that are in his class he does not act shy around them which he only talks about the class though and his voice is not softer like it is when he talks to me. with like me he acts tense like by looking at me then looks at his feet or looks away and he does not smile or wink at the girls in his class I‘ve notice when he does not know I’m around by me observing him. Do you think he likes me? I know that were both busy people especially working and attending school full time and I just need to have some patience and wait.

[l0ner]

Yes, he does.

[prsawyer]

if he does , the reason why he has not ask me for coffee or lunch because he works a lot of hours and take 20 hours at school and that he is tired and working hard for a degree at school. i did ask him to lunch and he said yes while touching his arm which he liked because he smiled but his family lives in another state and he was out of town but he did appologize and we never got to go. do you think i was too aggressive towards him? also when he is at school he does not eat alot or at all could it be that he is embarassed if he does not have much money. i do not know if that is the reason but even if that is it does not matter the reason i fell for this guy because of his heart personality and the fact he is not too aggressive. #nosmileys

[Jarous]

Hello prsawyer - welcome to the forum.
What you describe about the man seems to be typical acting of a shy person - this is really strange but true - we feel more awkward and insecure when around someone we care for or are interested in.
Well done on inviting him for a dinner. Do net let his appologizing from it deter you and try again, hopefully he'll have more time.

Too aggressive? Not in the least.
About his not eating. Some of us feel really anxious about eating before others, maybe it's his case?

[prsawyer]

if i could ever get the chance to ask him again i would but i only see him in passing on campus were both on our way to class amd we usually on get to say hello and flirt a little. i have made him a card with a letter in it not too mushy or saying i like you. i'm stating that how sweet and special he is though which i think he will like. as far about eating i see him eating alone and usually something small with no drink and also he has a very small wardrobe of clothes and probably does his laundry on the week-ends. which when i'm at school during the week i usually tend to wear the same clothes and i know with most guys they do not spend alot on clothes and both of us in college we both are struggling with money. so how long will it take him to open up or course he's probably wanting to know the same thing seeing i'm shy around this guy. at times my heart flutters and i can not breathe whrn i see him i just wonder what this guy is thinking when he sees me. thanks for the advice.#nosmileys

[CaryGrant]

Hi prsawyer. Per l0ner, yes, he likes you. You were not too aggressive. I'm surprised he didn't use the failed lunch gambit as an opening to ask you out to something else. Ie, "I'm sorry I can't go to lunch, but how about X." Could just be he's too shy.

I'm not sure how well you know him - I know you've talked a bit - but the sentiments expressed in the card may be premature. Can you invite him to go get a cup of tea? Tea is cheap; most people can afford that. Or to go for a walk? Or is there something you could ask him to help you with?

[mrshyguy]

Hiya prsawyer,

Firstly just like to say Well Done for managing to get this far with this man. You both seem to be very shy and I can relate to this.
I'm a shy guy myself as you can tell from my name and have never asked a girl out. There was one occasion I did ask a girl out but that was only after she told me she liked me and had told me to ask her out.. he he... .

You obviously like this man allot and from what you are saying this man likes you likewise. However one thing you didnt mention was the fact that this guy seems to be so much shyier than yourself, for one he hasnt had the courage to ask you out yet.

What Im trying to say is that even though he might have some idea that you like him, he wont ask you out unless he knows for definate that you wont say "No". Like millions of other shy guys the thing we hate most is rejection, especially from girls we like.

It is normal for a guy not to act the same around you when he is with his friends than when he is alone with you. He doesnt want his friends to embarrass him for flirting with you. Being the centre of attention can be the worst thing for a shy person so he will just want to hide in the background and not want to divert any kind of mass attention to himself.

You mentioned he doesnt act shy around other girls on the campus. Shy people are only shy around strangers or people they really like (attractive wise). Especially for shy guys they cannot act normally around girls they find incredibly attractive. Maybe this is the case with him and you.

Can you do me a favour? You mentioned he doesnt seem to eat very often and when he does he's alone. When you see him next time passing you by on campus, stop him saying something like
"Hiya, hows it going?"
or
"Hiya, can I have a word with you"
Touch him on the arm if you have to just so you can stop him on the spot and get his attention.
Ask him if he would like to go to get something to eat sometime together, mention if you have to that he couldn't before. Just saying something like this:
"would you like to get something to eat with me sometime"
if he says "yes" tell him that you would like to get something to eat at about 3 o clock or whenever in the cafeteria, and tell him to meet you outside the cafeteria so you two can walk in together.
This way when you go to get something to eat at the same time you can make small talk about the food or lack of good food.

I hope you do this, for the sake of your own shyness and for him. And of course for your love lives ;D

Let me know how it goes.

Mrshyguy.

P.S. The thing with him smiling and winking at you with his face all lit up is a kinda big hint that "HE LIKES YOU". Sorry if this message is too long had to get my message across. Good Luck!

[prsawyer]

thanks for alll the advice, the only problem when i do see him and when he sees me were always on our way to class so it's hard to stop someone if they are on their way to class. we do go to a small community college so maybe me and this guy will have a class together and i did get him a card with a letter to give him. which i have done before and he liked. also he works about 30 hrs and does not get off until 4-5 a.m. and goes to school the next day of the morning so he is usually tired which he takes 20 hrs. at school. he really does not have much time for leisure cause at times when i see him , it's like he wants to talk to me but he can not stop and talk he has to go to class because right now were both really busy and its reeally hard to start a relationship while in college if you do not want to mess things up. when i'm at school and see him i'm always nice and speak by saying hello and smiling and he always asked how i'm doing i say good and ask him he says good also with him staring smiling at me. the thing about him not eating is that he may be like me with not having much money of course my family lives here in tn and his family in wi so this guy is all alone with no help so he has a harder time to struggling than i do. he maybe embarassed to ask me out that he may not have much money also i think he just does not have the time with work and school.

[l0ner]

Umm, wow. The man is not shy. He is just dead tired.

[prsawyer]

what do you mean by he is not shy and just tired. he has never put his hands on me and when he would try always seem to be nervous. which he has open the door for me and smiles and winks at me usually except when any of his classmates are around or a crowd of people. cause like last semester when i met this guy after him finding out i went to the chiropractor this guy suggested that he would adjust my back which i smiled and blushed. yes when i do see him on campus he does seem to be tired alot which in fact he has mention it. i'm going to give a card with a letter and ask him for coffee between a semester break when were not in school to go out sometime and also let him know how sweet and wonderful he really is. how much i admire for what he is doing in his life and what a special man he is and how i would like to know him better as a person sometime. do you think i'm being too aggressive on what i wrote to him caused i stated and i wrote to him and said if i 'm too forward or interfered by writing you this then i'm sorry. what do you think?

[prsawyer]

i just want to thank you for all the advice, you know i've asked some of my girl friends advice about this guy and some say they would not have anything to do with him seeing that he has not asked me out but he has done nothing except be nice and sweet to me and i have return the favor back. cause, i met him last semester and we really did not start talking until the middle of the semester. it's the way this guy approached me he was nervous and never ask what my name is or introduced himself. i had to be the one to ask and i know most girls would have laughed at him but i really think it was sweet how this guy was just being himself and let me be myself. i give him space and he gives me my space. i 'm being patient with this guy and i believe he is with me so neither one of us laugh at the other when we act nervous or shy cause when we see each other neither of us know when that will happen it's just we appear out of no where. i know most girls go for looks and money and guys who have hair. i use to be one of those girls who wanted a popular and rich guy. this guy is average looking does not wear trendy clothes which is ok cause i think he dresses great in my book but is hansome to me and he may not have much money but money is not everything and he shaves his head because he was in the military thats fine by me. i'm not the best looking girl or have alot of money but i can offer this guy my heart i just hope someday he will give me a chance the way i gave him one when he approached me because i've never had any luck with guys i'm always afraid if i approach them i will scare them away or if i don't they loose interest. my dates i've had is one and one only for the guys i have never gone out more than twice with a guy because they never called me back and i know what they want and seeing i would not give them what they want so i feel it's their loss not mine. i can not help that i'm shy i'm just afraid of being turned down especially from this guy at school who i really like who i've grown to like since last semester because of my fear of rejection cause he different from all the other guys he wanted to know who i was the real me and i want to know the real him and not my body just treated me like a lady. i just feel so comfortable when were alone and he feels the same cause we can talk about anything it's like were friends but also their is an atttaction very good chemistry between us. it's like i've known him all my life and for the first time i finally found someone who does not come on too strong cause i do not like aggressive men and someone who is close to my age instead of a guy who is like 8- 10 years difference and very polite and well mannered quite person but still will speak to others he is just my idea man that i have been looking for all my life who can be my best friend and a boyfriend at the same time just having someone to talk to would be the best thing to have and getting to know that person would be a great joy their is more to life than just sex i believe it's whats in your heart that matters which neither me or this guy has never made any sexual comments to the other we have both shown the other just wanting to know the other person about them and their life. i just wish we could spend more time together so it would not interfer with our work in college. sorry so long i just felt like expressing myself.#nosmileys#nosmileys

[sushiboat]

prsawyer,

Carpe diem! However you plan to move things forward, do it now. There will always be obstacles, today or in a month or in a year.

If he is busy, then make a date for later. Or set up a time to talk on the phone. The important thing is for the situation (the fact that you like him and want to date him) to be crystal clear to him ASAP.

Don't spill everything you feel right away. A note (not a letter) is fine, but keep it short. "Let's have coffee! Call me at xxx-xxxx. Jane." Maybe draw a cute smiley face.

Also, do a reality check. You don't know that he is the man of your dreams. He is a prospect, but that's all for now. The point of dating is to find out more and (hopefully) enjoy his company in the process.

Good luck!

[prsawyer]

yes i do like him but the only time i could possibly go out with him in between semester breaks i can not while the semester is going on. by writing him a letter and giving a card and letter explaining why like i'm shy and that i think he's sweet and wonderful you mean i should just say lets go out. i gave him my number last semester and asked him out in a letter but i stated lets go before the semester ended by calling me i only saw once before the semester ended after that which signal that he liked the card and letter. which someone did call me but they blocked the call i feel like it could have been him but i'm not for sure i guess i should have been more clear and also we just met and could have been too early and some guys do not like to be pushed into a corner right away. i do not want to go fast with this guy take things slow and hope to know him better. also i have known him really since last november so is it too much to write him another letter. #nosmileys

[sushiboat]

Do you have time for a relationship? You really can't spare an hour for a cup of coffee or two hours for dinner? That's all it takes to get things started. Even a few minutes on the phone could be a step forward toward a relationship. If you have time to read and write here, you have time to talk with him.

Even if the break between semesters is the first available time to meet, don't wait until then to set it up. Get a commitment now. And get his phone number (and e-mail address).

If you have already written him once, it's OK to say a little more in a second letter. However, do not "dump" all your hopes and dreams on him. There is an unwritten rule about revealing information about yourself. You should do it a little at a time, and he should reciprocate. Telling everything about yourself and your feelings will make you look desperate and needy. Keep the letter short and sweet. A little mystery, together with some positive signals, is good at the beginning.

[Alecto]

I agree with sushiboat, go ahead and write to him. Try to make plans for the next available time you will both be off