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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 12, 2008 16:19:14 GMT -5
i wonder if a shy guy would know that a co-worker asking him for a work-related favor might be doing it to figure out if he likes her?
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jul 12, 2008 17:16:38 GMT -5
i wonder if a shy guy would know that a co-worker asking him for a work-related favor might be doing it to figure out if he likes her? Probably not. They just can't tell a shy girl is interested in them, no matter what she does. Guess there's no hope for any of us. ;D |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 12, 2008 17:22:50 GMT -5
i wonder if a shy guy would know that a co-worker asking him for a work-related favor might be doing it to figure out if he likes her? Probably not. They just can't tell a shy girl is interested in them, no matter what she does. Guess there's no hope for any of us. ;D dammit! |
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Post by HybridMoment on Jul 12, 2008 19:12:57 GMT -5
How to tell if a shy girl likes you.
If she avoids you more then everyone else she avoids.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 12, 2008 19:22:15 GMT -5
How to tell if a shy girl likes you. If she avoids you more then everyone else she avoids. i know that's sometimes the case, but not always. i've learned to stop myself avoiding people i like and want to get to know better. my first impulse is still to avoid, but i override it. on the other hand, i have a very unpleasant old asshole for a neighbor i avoid the hell out of, and i certainly hope he NEVER gets the idea it's cuz i secretly like him! blecchhh!  |
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Post by thisface on Jul 19, 2008 21:38:11 GMT -5
wow...2004...i wonder if ShyMode is still around. lol didn't look at the date of the topic before I replied. Not sure how I found the topic...whoops. Oh well, maybe someone else will find it useful lol. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 20, 2008 0:03:55 GMT -5
wow...2004...i wonder if ShyMode is still around. lol didn't look at the date of the topic before I replied. Not sure how I found the topic...whoops. Oh well, maybe someone else will find it useful lol. no worries.  |
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Post by elusivelyvague on Jul 21, 2008 9:37:49 GMT -5
Lol, well I'm going slightly off-topic here... actually I have had my "ass pinched" myself a few times. A few years ago I was walking down the pavement when one of young women my age walking towards me, cheekily did it and glanced back as I walked off (as I, in turn, glanced back at them, not being sure how to respond - I must've been 17 or 18 when this happened).
Then, my social skills were pathetic. I'd still be shy now, though, as I wouldn't know how to react. I'd definitely read it as interest coming from a woman my age, though. I just wouldn't know how to follow it up. Any suggestions from the female members of the forum? If I tried to start a conversation, then there's still the fear that they'll dismiss me, tell me to dream on (to put it inoffensively) and walk away.
I wish it was vaguely socially acceptable for a man to do something similar back, that's the problem, lol.
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Post by MrNice on Jul 21, 2008 9:44:27 GMT -5
there is no magic thing you can say such that everyone would like you
no matter how you approach, there is always a possibility that you will be dismissed - there is no way around it
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Post by elusivelyvague on Jul 21, 2008 9:55:24 GMT -5
Of course I know that. But I do totally accept your point. It's one of those 'common sense' things you always know but need pointing out to yourself at times. I feel like I'm having to backtrack now, into "I was just saying..." mode.  Fear's not an intellectual thing so it was a fair point to make just the once. I was just clarifying the shy dilemma (on this, after all, shyness-themed message board) to other posters/readers with the ass pinching thing. Basically it makes no sense to me, not if the woman doesn't already know you. Why not just have a civilised conversation if you like someone? It's just looks like a weird first move to me. I'll never understand it, I guess. In all honesty I'll always just choose never to respond to that kind of thing because it makes no sense. That was my basic point.  |
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Post by MrNice on Jul 21, 2008 10:13:22 GMT -5
my point was that you have to still approach even though you know you will be dismissed
you have an option of doing something even though it makes no sense
of course its more difficult to do on the street, but its the same whether its your friends or a bar or some mutual activity. We have in our head some sort of a model that tells us where it is appropriate for us to show interest and where its not - but its important to realize that this model is the result of social conditioning, and not something absolute.
In a bar, it is expected that you would approach members of opposite sex so people go to bars. At a friends party you also have some sort of ok social signal. Though for shy people, we always think its not ok. But you just have to do it anyway. The fear will not go away - you have to do it despite the fear.
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Post by benjamin87 on Jul 21, 2008 10:27:06 GMT -5
In a bar, it is expected that you would approach members of opposite sex so people go to bars. At a friends party you also have some sort of ok social signal. Though for shy people, we always think its not ok. But you just have to do it anyway. The fear will not go away - you have to do it despite the fear. I have trouble understanding if a girl is really interested in me or just being friendly. Like say your standing at a bar and the girl next to you asks your name, how you are and how your nights going etc. Questions like that. Is that an approach or is that just the girl next to you making small talk? I feel pretty stupid right now but its difficult to tell sometimes.  Flirting should be more obvious haha |
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Post by MrNice on Jul 21, 2008 10:47:38 GMT -5
its an approach
but I think a big misunderstanding also lies within what we perceive as interested. Interest doesn't mean that this girl is ready to have your babies - she is just curious about you. It is not as big of a deal as we make it out to be. Depending on the interaction in can still turn into just small talk or to something better.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 21, 2008 21:15:11 GMT -5
its an approach but I think a big misunderstanding also lies within what we perceive as interested. Interest doesn't mean that this girl is ready to have your babies - she is just curious about you. It is not as big of a deal as we make it out to be. Depending on the interaction in can still turn into just small talk or to something better. yeah, but i know i'm not very curious about guys i'm not attracted to. that is a huge step from 'the rest of my life' though. ;D and yes, it is an approach. |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jul 22, 2008 5:12:58 GMT -5
I wish it was vaguely socially acceptable for a man to do something similar back, that's the problem, lol. Men have pinched my ass a lot. I think you just need to be incredibly cocky about the whole thing and do it to a girl who's not likely to stand up for herself (i.e. a shybie). Or just ignore it... that's probably the best option if you don't want to risk getting a criminal record. Is that an approach or is that just the girl next to you making small talk? She might just be very drunk and wants someone to listen to her. Or possibly she might want someone to buy her a drink. I've been out with friends before to a pub/bar and when they run out of money, they'll go and flirt with a guy (they have no interest in) so that he'll buy them a drink. Yeah, it's pretty evil but some girls are. In my opinion, bars aren't the right place to be picking up girls anyway (unless casual meaningless sex is what you're after). |
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Fear's not an intellectual thing so it was a fair point to make just the once. I was just clarifying the shy dilemma (on this, after all, shyness-themed message board) to other posters/readers with the ass pinching thing. Basically it makes no sense to me, not if the woman doesn't already know you. Why not just have a civilised conversation if you like someone? It's just looks like a weird first move to me. 
