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Post by SpathiEluder on Aug 10, 2004 13:42:15 GMT -5
...and how does one detect them?
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Post by -sporky- on Aug 10, 2004 15:32:04 GMT -5
Good question. I would like to know too. Even tho i seriously doubt anyone would send me any signals...unless its a signal saying 'go away'...
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Post by sushiboat on Aug 10, 2004 16:11:33 GMT -5
...and how does one detect them? It would help if you gave more detail. I assume that you are talking about things like body language or people not saying exactly what they mean. If you are not sensitive to subtle signals, I wouldn't worry about it. Socially successful people are often less observant; they just barge in and go directly for what they want. Sometimes they get egg on the face, but then they just move on to the next thing, and more often than not they do well. |
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Post by SpathiEluder on Aug 10, 2004 22:30:39 GMT -5
i refer to the ones women supposedly send out to guys...
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Post by Sweet Pea on Aug 11, 2004 4:54:05 GMT -5
Hmmm...well I can only tell you about my own experience, but here goes. When I'm attracted to a guy and am open to him approaching me I look away when he looks at me at first, maybe even blush a bit when I get caught 'looking'. But eventually I will work up the nerve to smile at him, even give him increasingly prolonged eye contact.
Then from there it's a matter of give and take, if he reciprocates when I smile or give him eye contact, or say hello, then I move forward a bit, then he does...etc.
If you're not getting the 'signals' it might be because you're not reciprocating. It's a kind of a game where you up the ante a bit more each time. Some guys move really fast, others move really slow. But it doesn't really matter, as long as the give and take is there and you are gradually upping the ante a bit each time. (Actually anticipation is the best aphrodisiac so I actually like a guy who takes his time.)
One problem I have had with shy guys is that when it's time for them to make an actual move and ask me out they pull a fast fade cuz they panic. It's like you go through this big build up and then...nothing. Kind of a bummer.
I encourage you to practice with some girls/women without focusing on a goal and just get used to the give and take part first. Then when you find you really want to take someone out, take the plunge...ask her out! I guarantee she will be disappointed if you don't make a move after all the build up, she's expecting it. And the world won't end if she turns you down anyway, trite but true. Hope this helps.
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Post by CaryGrant on Aug 12, 2004 13:30:57 GMT -5
Excellent advice from Sweet Pea. There are lots of books on body language that would be helpful. I find that if I can calm myself enough to pay attention to my intuition, then there is no need to focus on specific signals (eg: is she playing with her hair to send me a signal?).
I remember reading that women are far more intuitive and better at sending signals than men, so if, as a guy, you 'feel' that a woman likes you, she almost certainly does. This has also been my experience....
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Post by canisay182 on Aug 12, 2004 15:40:44 GMT -5
lol. i hate it when guys dont get signals. its irritating, no offense. im in a fight with my boyfriend right now partially because of that. just pay attention!!!!  |
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Post by SpathiEluder on Aug 13, 2004 2:04:45 GMT -5
why not take it easy on your boyfriend and just tell him what you want instead of sending signals then?
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Post by SpathiEluder on Aug 13, 2004 2:19:30 GMT -5
Excellent advice from Sweet Pea. There are lots of books on body language that would be helpful. I find that if I can calm myself enough to pay attention to my intuition, then there is no need to focus on specific signals (eg: is she playing with her hair to send me a signal?). I remember reading that women are far more intuitive and better at sending signals than men, so if, as a guy, you 'feel' that a woman likes you, she almost certainly does. This has also been my experience.... hmm, i've never "felt" that a woman likes me... but is this just because of self doubt that a woman could like me or just that no, no woman has ever liked me ever.... i'm the type of guy who literally second guesses everything. |
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Post by HydratedBeatle on Aug 13, 2004 4:06:35 GMT -5
Sweet Pea is similar to the advise I'd give. Eye watching and looking away. Small little smiles that the lady is trying really hard not to do. When their body is turned towards you and their head is facing some where else. When her head is tilted on one side and she is looking at you like she is trying to figure something out (she's probably trying to figure out how to walk up to you or have you come over) Look up some body language things on line.
Same as in return. When you are looking at a guy and he has trouble stopping from smiling. When he keeps looking at you over the rim of his glass. When his body is turned open to you even though his head is talking to his mates. When he gives a little head flick backwards like crooking a finger to say come here.
When you walk up to a girl walk up beside her not behind - its intimidating. Don't go for silly come on lines. Be honest - girls don't like slimeballs. Try "Hi! Can I hang out with you?" or "Hi! Can I join your group for awhile?" or "Hi! How would I go about getting you to gasbag to me?" or "Hi! Are you having fun? Want to hang out with me for awhile?" or "Hi! Want to hang out with me and the guys for awhile?"
or the one I love to use "Hi!" and get a "Hi!" answer back and then "How about if I buy you a drink, you buy me one at the same time?"
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Post by canisay182 on Aug 13, 2004 12:17:33 GMT -5
why not take it easy on your boyfriend and just tell him what you want instead of sending signals then? trust me, ive tried that before. if you say things like that he gets all devensive and wont talk to you until you apologize, so basically im always the one fixing things and apologizing when he was the one that did something wrong in the first place. its so annoying. |
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Post by SpathiEluder on Aug 13, 2004 12:55:25 GMT -5
sounds like he's an asshat then, if he won't let you communicate with him. if i was lucky enough to have a girlfriend, and something about me was troubling her, i'd want to know so i could make it right...
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Post by SpathiEluder on Aug 13, 2004 13:00:58 GMT -5
Sweet Pea is similar to the advise I'd give. Eye watching and looking away. Small little smiles that the lady is trying really hard not to do. When their body is turned towards you and their head is facing some where else. When her head is tilted on one side and she is looking at you like she is trying to figure something out (she's probably trying to figure out how to walk up to you or have you come over) Look up some body language things on line. Same as in return. When you are looking at a guy and he has trouble stopping from smiling. When he keeps looking at you over the rim of his glass. When his body is turned open to you even though his head is talking to his mates. When he gives a little head flick backwards like crooking a finger to say come here. When you walk up to a girl walk up beside her not behind - its intimidating. Don't go for silly come on lines. Be honest - girls don't like slimeballs. Try "Hi! Can I hang out with you?" or "Hi! Can I join your group for awhile?" or "Hi! How would I go about getting you to gasbag to me?" or "Hi! Are you having fun? Want to hang out with me for awhile?" or "Hi! Want to hang out with me and the guys for awhile?" or the one I love to use "Hi!" and get a "Hi!" answer back and then "How about if I buy you a drink, you buy me one at the same time?" my usual reaction when i see a pretty girl is to always look away if she looks in my direction, cause i'm afraid she'll "catch" me checking her out and think i'm some kind of slimy pervert... |
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Post by HydratedBeatle Cas on Aug 13, 2004 20:08:47 GMT -5
Look back for heavens sake. Everyone loves to know that someone thinks that there is something interesting about them. Give them a little smile next time and hold their eyes.Take it in little steps at a time. If she keeps looking and you don't want to go to her wiggle your finger and see if she'll come to you.
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Post by SilentShadow on Aug 14, 2004 15:27:34 GMT -5
I'm a newbie when it comes to flirting (I've only recently found the courage to look girls in the eye), but I can tell you what I do to avoid looking like a pervert. I always avoid flirting with the prettiest girls, they're WAY out of my league. so I try my best to flirt with the shy-looking or lonely girls. I avoid the overconfident, overly-masculin posture that says: "you KNOW you want me!" whenever I see other guys do that I can't help but feel sorry for them. because I'm so shy, I'll usually walk by a girl, lower my head and smile gently. that says something more like: "I think you're nice, but I'm too shy to talk to you." from experience I can tell you that 90% of girls have smile back at me! ;D and If girls will smile at ME, they'll smile at YOU!
keep in mind that I've never flirted before in my life, and I'm probably not the best person to give advice.
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