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Post by SilentShadow on Sept 20, 2004 13:22:38 GMT -5
alright, let me get straight to the point in as fast a time as possible: It's my first year at University and I'm really shy and lonely. However: I've been having alot of luck lately. There's a girl who sits in front of me in my english class and on the first day of class the prof put us into groups to work and she ended up being with me. I introduced myself and we got to work. when we were done I actually managed, despite my extreme shyness, to make some small talk. as the days went by we started working together more and more. It turns out she loves to draw and write (just like myself) and I asked her if she had an online gallery of her work. She gave me a link to this site of hers as well as, to my surprise, her EMAIL ADRESS!!! we talked some more as we left the class, and I told her that I would email her soon. now I'm stuck... I don't know what to write to her. I want to let her know that I like her and want to take her out but I don't want to be OBVIOUS about it! here are some ideas I have to finish my email: « I think you're very nice and I would like to get to know you better if it's okay with you?» « how about going out for a coffee sometime? I would like to know more about you» « I'm rather shy in person, but is it okay If I ask you out for a coffee or something?» anyway... sorry about the lenght of this message. I'm really stuck right now in terms of how to write my email to her without sounding like a goof. PLEASE help! I've NEVER gotten this far with a girl before and I don't want to ruin it now!  any suggestions please? |
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l0ner
Junior Member
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Post by l0ner on Sept 20, 2004 13:45:59 GMT -5
DO.NOT tell her that you like her and that you want to date her, or any of that kind of stuff. That puts too much pressure on your 'relationship' (I use that term broadly) to go in a specific direction and creates too many expectations that may scare her away, and makes this more awkward and less easy-going.
Just send her an email saying how much you really liked her online gallery, and make a comment or two (preferably funny/witty, which doesn't mean insulting) about one in particular. Then say something like "hey we should get together/hang out some time" and suggest something specific.
Your second example is definitely more what you should shoot for.
But again, don't spill your guts, especially so early on before you've even begun to hang out, about how much you like her and how great she is. It'll be obvious where you're coming from and what you mean, and it will very likely freak her out. You have to treat her like a potential buddy, but (if you're interested in her in "that way") flirt when you can. It's better to *show* her that you like her either nonverbally or indirectly instead of flat-out confessing your feelings.
Oh, and as for what you should do to hang out, make it something casual and kind of fun, not something that screams "date!". Maybe something like meeting for coffee or whatever, and then shooting some pool or something like that.
Also, another thing that occurred to me after reading your post again. Don't act needy in asking to get to know her, stuff like "would you mind if we got together?" or "I'd like to get to know you if that's okay with you" or "want to go out..please?". You may feel this way, but don't act like her agreeing to get together with you is doing you a favor. Try to adopt the mindset that she should want to get together with you and the two of you will have an equally good time, and apply that mindset to every interaction with her, email or otherwise. That almost sounds like arrogance, and indeed if you took it to a certain level it would be. But you don't have to, and even if you did, a little arrogance isn't so bad with girls if you don't come off as a prick.
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Post by mathew on Sept 20, 2004 15:16:09 GMT -5
I agree; Do not give her the upper hand before you even go out together.
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Post by sushiboat on Sept 20, 2004 16:52:10 GMT -5
l0ner has it exactly right. Reread it!
You must think and feel that you are the prize, and she is the lucky one. You are worth spending time with, and she has a rare opportunity. Don't brag, but find those qualities about yourself that you like and think about them often.
Also, if you tend to be a homebody, find things to do. Join clubs, go to the gym, play sports, etc. A woman wants to be one part of your life; she doesn't want to be sucked into a vacuum of neediness and clinging adoration. That means you have to have a full and busy life on your own. That will also give you things to talk about.
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Post by SilentShadow on Sept 20, 2004 19:42:42 GMT -5
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l0ner
Junior Member
Posts: 68
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Post by l0ner on Sept 20, 2004 21:06:30 GMT -5
That's why you ask "wanna hang out?" or "let's get together for some coffee and chat some time" instead of "wanna go out with me?" because you're asking something completely innocent that doesn't necessarily involve anything romantic. Maybe you don't want to bother because you like her in 'that way', but she seems like she might be a potential friend anyway. Girls with boyfriend do have guy friends, ya know. But maybe you don't want to be that "other guy".  I am that "other guy", and it kinda sucks. |
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l0ner
Junior Member
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Post by l0ner on Sept 20, 2004 21:40:02 GMT -5
By the way, how did you find out she has a bf?
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Post by SilentShadow on Sept 21, 2004 19:17:18 GMT -5
She mentions him numerous time on her website.
anyway, I'm still going to enjoy having her as a friend, it's better than nothing. I was just so excited over the chance of someone actually "liking" me.
Oh well... I just can't seem to find any available girls who will give me a chance. damn... I was so close this time. I really thought she "liked" me in "that" way...
thanks again, everyone, for all the good advice, I'll definately keep it in mind in case a similiar situation happens in the future
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Post by CaryGrant on Sept 29, 2004 15:53:40 GMT -5
If a girl likes you as a friend, and she has girl friends...
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Post by mathew on Sept 29, 2004 22:44:52 GMT -5
When a girl says, "I think of you as a friend," that just means she thinks she can do better than you.
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max
New Member
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Post by max on Oct 6, 2004 11:41:20 GMT -5
Like Cary said, she probably has girlfriends she could hook you up with! Definitely keep talking to her and see if you can't go and hang out with her and her friends sometime.
It's been my experience that nothing works as well for getting a girl's attention as having a female friend of hers on your side .. either trying to hook you up or just saying nice things about you. Immediate social proof.
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