Post by CaryGrant on Oct 6, 2004 10:55:53 GMT -5
As part of my self-improvement program, I subscribe to a couple of e-newsletters, and I thought this one might be especially helpful to shy guys:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR ATTRACTION
I would like to share with you ten critical points for
success with women that I believe are UNIVERSAL.
In other words, no matter what your goal is, no matter
what kind of woman, the following “commandments”
are crucial.
#1.
THOU SHALT HAVE A GREAT STATE OF MIND
Everything you do flows from your state of mind.
Your most subtle behaviors will reflect your state,
and women will pick up on this more than you can
possibly imagine.
The problem is that a lot of guys think that having
the right state of mind means having a militaristic
state of mind toward meeting women. As if it meant
“I AM THE BOSS, AND YOU BETTER
UNDERSTAND THAT”. This kind of philosophy
works only on some low self esteem women, and
is usually the result of bitterness and anger and
generalizing about all women from a few negative
experiences. All this stuff is the dark side of the force.
Stay away from it. It is REPELLING.
How can you expect a woman to want to be with a
guy who despises her or feels over-riding bitterness
towards her? If you feel this way about a
PARTICULAR woman, there is probably a good
reason for it, so just stay away from HER.
Having a great state of mind is a complex topic which
I deal with in greater depth in my book and my live
seminars and workshops, but if I had to describe it
in brief, I would say that it is more like
“I know I have what it takes to make any woman
insanely happy, and I enjoy giving of my personality
to the right woman, and only the right woman”.
Other parts of this state of mind might be described as,
“I am not just a taker, I am also a giver, and I attract
others with this attitude. I also am smart enough to
not get taken advantage of without having to be
angry or have my guard up so high that no woman
can reach me.”
Finally, another element of this state of mind
might be described as “I learn from EACH
experience and from every woman that I meet”
as opposed to being all caught up on the final
result. In other words, if you take every woman
that you meet as a learning experience, you will
learn VERY FAST, and you will find that you
enjoy the learning experience.
Ironically, this will ease the pressure and help
you actually do better and get better results.
You will achieve greater insight and skills than
if you were too focused on how the date went.
Just focus on what you are learning. Become
a human learning machine.
#2.
LEAD THE SHOW/KNOW WHAT YOUR GOAL IS
I think a lot of guys confuse being a CONTROLLING
PRICK with leadership and dominance and having a
sense of direction of where they want to take things
with a woman.
In these newsletters, I have to be more blunt
and harsh to get the point across, it’s not as
easy as when in person when I can explain
and demonstrate. So let me just say here
that there is a HUGE difference between
being a leader and dominant and being
an overly aggressive prick, and though it
might SEEM obvious, it actually ISN’T
in real life.
I see this all the time in my workshops, so it’s
become very clear to me this is a huge problem.
It’s one of the main things I focus on with guys
who are serious about success with women.
A lot of times, a guy will actually be doing
well in a conversation with a woman he
has just met, he could have easily turned it
into an instant date, or at least get her number,
but he won’t do it, because he really wasn’t
sure if “he should” or not. The answer is
he SHOULD. THIS is progressing things,
this is leadership. THIS is what women
mean when they say they want a guy who
will be a man. They don’t want to have to
be the man, they want the man to be the man.
Sometimes, you need to know what your
goal is fast. If you see a woman and you’re
not sure if you should go up and speak to
her and you spend ten minutes thinking
about whether you should go up to her or
not, you need to accelerate your decision
making abilities or she will likely be gone.
If a woman feels that she is with a guy
who is namby-pamby about what to do
with her, where to go, when to kiss, etc,
etc, she will NOT feel “what a cool guy
who is not desperate” but she WILL
feel very uncomfortable and that she
is with a female girlfriend, and a very
pathetic one at that.
At the same time, there is WAY to
make decisions, to progress the
romance, to progress the attraction,
to escalate to the physical if you
so desire, without being AGGRESSIVE
about it, and yet still be dominant
and lead the show.
The art of attraction is a very FINE art.
It’s not about SMASHING a nail with
a HAMMER. It’s more like driving
in the Indy 500 or Formula One- you
have to be able to SMOOTHLY CONTROL
all that power called BEING THE MAN.
This requires tactfulness, for example,
the tone of your voice when mentioning
to a woman that you should talk more
over a coffee right then and there should
be confident, but not domineering. Think
of how James Bond might offer a woman
the chance to chat with him. Not aggressive,
yet very smooth and very confident. It’s
not just the words, it’s the tonality, the
relaxed demeanor, and several other
non-verbal cues.
A lot of guys will want a one-word answer
to how to do all this, but the truth is that
it involves many subtleties. There is no
“one-size fits all genie bottle magic”, it
takes experience and insight to get it
all down just right.
#3
THOU SHALT HAVE A SENSE OF
CONFIDENT HUMOR
Most people lose sight of perspective. They
get overly serious about everything and they
forget that the truth is they could be laughing
a lot more. When you have this attitude,
especially if it is a CONFIDENT sense of
humor, you make not only yourself feel better,
but you also make those around you WANT
to CONTINUE to be around you. It is simply
evolution here: By conveying confidence and
the feeling that everyone can laugh and things
are okay, ON A VERY PRIMAL LEVEL, you
instill feelings of deep security in others, who
will do anything to continue to be around you
for the awesome emotions you are providing.
Again, this is operating on an evolutionary level,
it’s not like people think about this consciously.
Think about the effect of having this sense of
humor compared to the other negative angry
bitter guys she meets all the time. What makes
it DOUBLY POWERFUL is if you have this
without resorting to mind altering substances,
because it becomes clear that it is indeed YOU
who feels this way, and not just the drugs or
alcohol that you are using.
#4
THOU SHALT CREATE A SENSE OF INTRIGUE
Most guys give all their cards away immediately,
out of a desire to do everything they can to impress
a woman, or out of insecurity.
When you try reveal too much too soon, you rob
a woman of the joy of WONDER. She wants to
WONDER about you. Women LOVE this stuff.
Women are not like guys.
Guys often just want no headaches.
Yet women LOVE this “wondering” stuff.
Besides, there is no way on earth that you could
truly reveal all the infinite things that have made
you who you are, and what you are, in only a
few hours or days, so don’t even try.
Instead, reveal an awesome and cool PERSONALITY,
and let her wonder about the details.
When you do this, you let a woman paint
her fantasy of you, and then once she lets
this gel in her mind, nothing you can do
can get RID of that fantasy of who you
are, since it has already SOLIDIFIED
IN HER MIND.
Don’t answer her every question on the first date.
Don’t have the usual boring formal conversations.
If you need to, pretend you are Bond (no, not to
HER, but to yourself, so that you remind yourself
that you must keep some secrets for now).
Let her paint the fantasy on the canvass in her mind.
#5
SHAKE IT UP
Wherever possible, don’t do things the routine way.
Don’t go to “movies” on the first date.
Don’t ask “typical date” questions like how many
brothers and sisters she has and what you both
do for a living.
Don’t do ANYTHING that is associated with the routine.
Don’t let her predict your behaviours.
If you typically send her a text message or an email in the
morning, then send her a message at night.
You see, the more we know something is going to happen,
the more our mind adapts and doesn’t pay attention to it.
It’s the way our brains evolved so we can handle new
things and focus on those things instead of things
that are already pretty much figured out.
DON’T BE THAT GUY!!!!
DON’T BE “FIGURED OUT”.
Again, you will be giving her the excitement and joy
by NOT allowing her to figure you out completely.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR ATTRACTION
I would like to share with you ten critical points for
success with women that I believe are UNIVERSAL.
In other words, no matter what your goal is, no matter
what kind of woman, the following “commandments”
are crucial.
#1.
THOU SHALT HAVE A GREAT STATE OF MIND
Everything you do flows from your state of mind.
Your most subtle behaviors will reflect your state,
and women will pick up on this more than you can
possibly imagine.
The problem is that a lot of guys think that having
the right state of mind means having a militaristic
state of mind toward meeting women. As if it meant
“I AM THE BOSS, AND YOU BETTER
UNDERSTAND THAT”. This kind of philosophy
works only on some low self esteem women, and
is usually the result of bitterness and anger and
generalizing about all women from a few negative
experiences. All this stuff is the dark side of the force.
Stay away from it. It is REPELLING.
How can you expect a woman to want to be with a
guy who despises her or feels over-riding bitterness
towards her? If you feel this way about a
PARTICULAR woman, there is probably a good
reason for it, so just stay away from HER.
Having a great state of mind is a complex topic which
I deal with in greater depth in my book and my live
seminars and workshops, but if I had to describe it
in brief, I would say that it is more like
“I know I have what it takes to make any woman
insanely happy, and I enjoy giving of my personality
to the right woman, and only the right woman”.
Other parts of this state of mind might be described as,
“I am not just a taker, I am also a giver, and I attract
others with this attitude. I also am smart enough to
not get taken advantage of without having to be
angry or have my guard up so high that no woman
can reach me.”
Finally, another element of this state of mind
might be described as “I learn from EACH
experience and from every woman that I meet”
as opposed to being all caught up on the final
result. In other words, if you take every woman
that you meet as a learning experience, you will
learn VERY FAST, and you will find that you
enjoy the learning experience.
Ironically, this will ease the pressure and help
you actually do better and get better results.
You will achieve greater insight and skills than
if you were too focused on how the date went.
Just focus on what you are learning. Become
a human learning machine.
#2.
LEAD THE SHOW/KNOW WHAT YOUR GOAL IS
I think a lot of guys confuse being a CONTROLLING
PRICK with leadership and dominance and having a
sense of direction of where they want to take things
with a woman.
In these newsletters, I have to be more blunt
and harsh to get the point across, it’s not as
easy as when in person when I can explain
and demonstrate. So let me just say here
that there is a HUGE difference between
being a leader and dominant and being
an overly aggressive prick, and though it
might SEEM obvious, it actually ISN’T
in real life.
I see this all the time in my workshops, so it’s
become very clear to me this is a huge problem.
It’s one of the main things I focus on with guys
who are serious about success with women.
A lot of times, a guy will actually be doing
well in a conversation with a woman he
has just met, he could have easily turned it
into an instant date, or at least get her number,
but he won’t do it, because he really wasn’t
sure if “he should” or not. The answer is
he SHOULD. THIS is progressing things,
this is leadership. THIS is what women
mean when they say they want a guy who
will be a man. They don’t want to have to
be the man, they want the man to be the man.
Sometimes, you need to know what your
goal is fast. If you see a woman and you’re
not sure if you should go up and speak to
her and you spend ten minutes thinking
about whether you should go up to her or
not, you need to accelerate your decision
making abilities or she will likely be gone.
If a woman feels that she is with a guy
who is namby-pamby about what to do
with her, where to go, when to kiss, etc,
etc, she will NOT feel “what a cool guy
who is not desperate” but she WILL
feel very uncomfortable and that she
is with a female girlfriend, and a very
pathetic one at that.
At the same time, there is WAY to
make decisions, to progress the
romance, to progress the attraction,
to escalate to the physical if you
so desire, without being AGGRESSIVE
about it, and yet still be dominant
and lead the show.
The art of attraction is a very FINE art.
It’s not about SMASHING a nail with
a HAMMER. It’s more like driving
in the Indy 500 or Formula One- you
have to be able to SMOOTHLY CONTROL
all that power called BEING THE MAN.
This requires tactfulness, for example,
the tone of your voice when mentioning
to a woman that you should talk more
over a coffee right then and there should
be confident, but not domineering. Think
of how James Bond might offer a woman
the chance to chat with him. Not aggressive,
yet very smooth and very confident. It’s
not just the words, it’s the tonality, the
relaxed demeanor, and several other
non-verbal cues.
A lot of guys will want a one-word answer
to how to do all this, but the truth is that
it involves many subtleties. There is no
“one-size fits all genie bottle magic”, it
takes experience and insight to get it
all down just right.
#3
THOU SHALT HAVE A SENSE OF
CONFIDENT HUMOR
Most people lose sight of perspective. They
get overly serious about everything and they
forget that the truth is they could be laughing
a lot more. When you have this attitude,
especially if it is a CONFIDENT sense of
humor, you make not only yourself feel better,
but you also make those around you WANT
to CONTINUE to be around you. It is simply
evolution here: By conveying confidence and
the feeling that everyone can laugh and things
are okay, ON A VERY PRIMAL LEVEL, you
instill feelings of deep security in others, who
will do anything to continue to be around you
for the awesome emotions you are providing.
Again, this is operating on an evolutionary level,
it’s not like people think about this consciously.
Think about the effect of having this sense of
humor compared to the other negative angry
bitter guys she meets all the time. What makes
it DOUBLY POWERFUL is if you have this
without resorting to mind altering substances,
because it becomes clear that it is indeed YOU
who feels this way, and not just the drugs or
alcohol that you are using.
#4
THOU SHALT CREATE A SENSE OF INTRIGUE
Most guys give all their cards away immediately,
out of a desire to do everything they can to impress
a woman, or out of insecurity.
When you try reveal too much too soon, you rob
a woman of the joy of WONDER. She wants to
WONDER about you. Women LOVE this stuff.
Women are not like guys.
Guys often just want no headaches.
Yet women LOVE this “wondering” stuff.
Besides, there is no way on earth that you could
truly reveal all the infinite things that have made
you who you are, and what you are, in only a
few hours or days, so don’t even try.
Instead, reveal an awesome and cool PERSONALITY,
and let her wonder about the details.
When you do this, you let a woman paint
her fantasy of you, and then once she lets
this gel in her mind, nothing you can do
can get RID of that fantasy of who you
are, since it has already SOLIDIFIED
IN HER MIND.
Don’t answer her every question on the first date.
Don’t have the usual boring formal conversations.
If you need to, pretend you are Bond (no, not to
HER, but to yourself, so that you remind yourself
that you must keep some secrets for now).
Let her paint the fantasy on the canvass in her mind.
#5
SHAKE IT UP
Wherever possible, don’t do things the routine way.
Don’t go to “movies” on the first date.
Don’t ask “typical date” questions like how many
brothers and sisters she has and what you both
do for a living.
Don’t do ANYTHING that is associated with the routine.
Don’t let her predict your behaviours.
If you typically send her a text message or an email in the
morning, then send her a message at night.
You see, the more we know something is going to happen,
the more our mind adapts and doesn’t pay attention to it.
It’s the way our brains evolved so we can handle new
things and focus on those things instead of things
that are already pretty much figured out.
DON’T BE THAT GUY!!!!
DON’T BE “FIGURED OUT”.
Again, you will be giving her the excitement and joy
by NOT allowing her to figure you out completely.