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Post by Corvette on Oct 9, 2004 18:54:20 GMT -5
Hi, I am a 20 year old male and am getting ready for my very first date. I am very shy and am so nervous that I will not be able to talk enough during it or act like a normal guy would on a date. I just got her phone number when she “accidentally” bumped into me. She was smiling and flirting with me so I somehow got the courage to ask for her number. I have some questions.
1. How many days do I have to wait so I won’t seem desperate to give her a phone call? 2. What’s the best place to take her on a first date? 3. What are some good conversation tips to keep us talking? 4. What’s the best way to make a move on her to get a kiss? 5. If my shyness takes over and I don’t kiss her, will she see me as just a friend and not want a second date automatically? 6. If I can somehow get her to make out with me, what’s the best way to try to go even further and maybe get lucky? (Assuming my shyness doesn’t take over) 7. If my shyness does take over, is there a way to use my shyness as an advantage to get some action? 8. If I can’t get any on the first date, how many dates does it usually take on average to get a girl to get into her pants? I want to know what is fair and not be taken advantage of by spending all my time, effort and money with her and not getting anything in return just because I am very shy so please don’t think I sound like a creep saying that. (Shy guys have needs too.)
Please give honest real answers because I am a shy guy, I may not get these opportunities very often and I’d like to make the best of them. Thanks.
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Post by WayoftheBraves on Oct 9, 2004 19:11:06 GMT -5
First off, congratualations. We are all very pleased and happy that you have won your first battle, and wow, you really did it! Great job! Now, to answer your questions: 1. Hard question. I say wait at least five days. Make her fish for you. Then you'll see if she really likes you. 2. Bad question to ask me, because the best place for a date, at least for me, is ALWAYS the ballpark. Do you live in Minnesota, New York, Boston, Atlanta, St. Louis, or Los Angeles? Take her to one of the play-off games and have a great time. Otherwise, go to an amusement/theme park. Do something active that you can have constant fun together at. 3. First of all, look at her. Keep a straight face, show that you are interested in what she has to say and always have something to answer with. 4. Personally, I don't think you should push it. If you're that desperate, then wait until she gives you either the foxiest look of her life or her eyes are completely focused on your face. The rest will be history... 5. If you chicken out, tell her that you're sorry and that you just aren't good at stuff like that. If she's cool, she'd understand. 6. "Ask her "Are you sure about this?" and take it from there. 7. Seriously, get over the notion of action! You are so preoccupied with that! Forget "action," focus on simply having a great time and getting to know her. 8. You seriously need to stop aiming for sex and seek out what's most important: emotional rapport!! If you want sex, find a prostitute. If you want love, then get to know her and build connections. Geez, sex means nothing in the big picture! All I can say is, if you want to make "the best of the moment," then forget sex. Focus on HER, who she is and why she makes you happy (emotions, not bodily!) Best of all to you! Congrats again. If only I could date...
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Post by Corvette on Oct 9, 2004 20:21:50 GMT -5
Thanks Braves. How old are you and how many dates did you have before? Are these answers from experience?
Yes I guess I could lay off the sex idea for now. lol. You make a good point by focusing on her and emotion rapport. I don't feel like trying a prostitute though or at least not yet. haha
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Post by WayoftheBraves on Oct 9, 2004 20:35:54 GMT -5
I'm always willing to help! Anyway, I'm just 18 and I have never dated , but that doesn't make my ethos any worse. In fact, being a sideline observer has forced me to learn more about the issue, especially since experience tends to cloud the truth. So I know what I know because I've learned by being a non-partisan third party observer. Beleive me when I say this, sex means nothing. I used to look at porn and masturbate, thinking it would make me feel better, but it made me feel worse. That's how meaningless sex is. I would gladly have someone truly love me and support me emotionally than to have an orgasm every night and feel sad and lonely from then on.
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Post by Max Power on Oct 9, 2004 21:00:14 GMT -5
Take her to one of the play-off games and have a great time. Shucks, if you have playoff tickets, I'll date ya! ;D Seriously, congradulations on your first date, Corvette. I remember my first date, in my velvet purple bathrobe, with a bulbous glass of Asti Spumante and a mean stack of Playboys. But in all seriousness... I would call the next day or no later than three days after. But that's just me. Dinner & a movie sounds cool. Dancing is also great and can be erotic depending on your skills. If you see a movie, talk about it. You can tinker around and find similar interest. (music, sports teams, reality TV) Try not to delve into politics though. People can be touchy about that, even if their opinions are similar. Wish I knew. But don't try the old yawn - stretch the arm over her shoulder bit. She may just think you're shy. Depends on the girl. Wish I knew. But don't expect a romp on the first date. If she likes shy guys, you in... in meaning... never mind! Are you looking just for sex? There's nothing wrong with that, you are right when you said shy guys have needs too. I honestly thought this was a relationship building-based date, but you seem to have one goal in mind. So my question to you is what do you think she wants from you? Nevertheless, good luck to you and please keep us posted on how things went. I'm rooting for you.
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Post by WayoftheBraves on Oct 9, 2004 21:19:15 GMT -5
Shucks, if you have playoff tickets, I'll date ya! ;D quote] Actually, I do have play-off tix for this Monday's Game 5 of the NLDS, ATL vs. HOU (if necessary). So if you wanna join myself and my pals, shout out! But yeah, Corvette, I think Max agrees too, think about the relationship. Sex is what destroys a relationship, usually. The best relationships have love with little sex, if that makes any sense.
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Post by lsdima4 on Oct 9, 2004 21:29:49 GMT -5
Wait about 5 - 7days ask her out for a cofee or something similar, maybe a lunch, nothing fancy, nothing expensive,. make it a weekday, so there is no pressure for what will happen that night. As for conversation tips, keep it light. Don't be afraid to go into the social/sexual interaction interaction territory. You must not be asexual in your conversation. But keep it light. Don't ask really personal questions.
A kiss on the cheek at the end of the first date is ok. If you really feel like it just go for her lips. If she gives you the cheek its over. Don't be afraid. Also kissing and making out is not the same.
The first date is not very important. So don't spend alot of time money and effort on it. Unless you do something offensive you most likely will get a second date.
Read Doc Love's articles on askmen.com Although his stuff does not help with the shy part, you might find very good answers to your questions.
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Post by Max Power on Oct 10, 2004 10:59:40 GMT -5
Actually, I do have play-off tix for this Monday's Game 5 of the NLDS, ATL vs. HOU (if necessary). So if you wanna join myself and my pals, shout out! Aw, wish I could, I live in NY, but thanks for the offer. I'm trying to get playoff tickets myself for those darned Sox, hopefully a Game 6 or 7 if it comes to that. As with this date, you should define what you want and focus on getting that, whether it's building a relationship or a roll in the hay. You could send mix signals to her and mess with her head and heart, and that's not good. She may think you want just sex, and if that's not what she wants at this time, then it's a lost cause. Do you have a clue as to what it is she expects out of this date?
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Post by lsdima4 on Oct 10, 2004 11:48:59 GMT -5
The purpose of the first date is to make it to the second date. Do not preoccupy yourself with analysis of who wants what. She knows you want sex! And she wants sex too. Whether she wants it with you on the first date is for you to judge. But its unlikely.
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 10, 2004 11:50:50 GMT -5
1. 2-3 days. 2. Something casual - don't make it a typical date. Don't try to buy her. Go for a walk, go for a cup of tea. Buying her dinner and a movie conveys - subtly - that you're not worthy of spending time with. 3. Ask about her: what does she like to do, what are some of her favourite movies/songs/books/people, and why. These are open-ended questions (not yes/no) that lead to her (and you) opening up about personal things. 4. I don't recommend smooching on the first "date" anyway, as its purpose is to see if you like her enough to go out again. However, let's say things have gone really well and the tea got extended and now you're going for a walk. At some point, just lean in and give her a light kiss on the lips, then no more. Save making out for the next time. Women love anticipation and mystery. If she gives you the cheek, it could mean she doesn't like you "that way," or just that she's simply not ready, so don't be discouraged. Smile and try again on the next outing. If she goes out with you again, she will almost certainly kiss. 5. She may see you as shy. Not kissing on the first date does not automatically slot you into the friend category. 6. Just go with the flow. Women are used to men initiating, and if she doesn't want you to go past a certain point, she'll stop you. Don't take it personally, and don't think it means she doesn't like you. 7. Hmm... 8. First, averages don't apply; everyone is an individual. Second, don't be thinking you're buying some "action" by spending money on her. She will be highly insulted and you sure as hell won't get any anything. You won't even have to say anything - she'll sense it. Third, don't trying to buy her. Are you worth spending time with, talking with, kissing, etc.? If so, then why would you have to attempt to buy her affection?
doclove, doubleyourdating, and datingwizard.com all have good advice.
FYI, I'm 43, twice-married, and have been on a few dates in my day...though only in the last year or so have I developed enough self-esteem to stop trying to buy women's affection.
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Post by Schmoo on Oct 10, 2004 18:57:06 GMT -5
Hello, not sure if you already went on your date. Here's my advice, as a woman. I think 5 days is too long a wait - she'll probably already have given up on you. Maybe 3 days?
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Oct 11, 2004 13:05:38 GMT -5
I think that all of your questions point to one overall answer. Instead of analyzing the date to death (before you even have it), try being in the moment. When you experience things "in the moment" you quiet your mind enough to notice things. When you notice things (like her reactions to you, what you or she is saying, gestures...), you may instinctively know how to act in return. Then, all those answers that you're looking for will come to you, when you need to know them. As for a particular conversational skill. It's always a good idea to have things to talk about, but it's not a bad thing if you can learn to experience comfortable silences. If you draw a blank (despite being in the moment), look directly at her (into her eyes) and smile or something. It can go a long way to put you both at ease. Good luck (if you haven't actually had the date yet, of course)!
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 12, 2004 11:05:09 GMT -5
Great advice, Cactus! Go with the flow, do what feels right, don't analyze, but instead, trust your intuition. Hard for a shy person to do, but ultimately the easiest and best way to go.
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 12, 2004 23:33:27 GMT -5
Great advice, Cactus! Go with the flow, do what feels right, don't analyze, but instead, trust your intuition. Hard for a shy person to do, but ultimately the easiest and best way to go. This may be good advice for some people, but it's terrible advice for a lot of people here. For me doing what feels right and trusting my intuition means running away, or at best just not saying anything. I have to remind myself not to do that if I'm going to get anywhere.
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Oct 13, 2004 0:21:38 GMT -5
If your intuition tells you to run away (no matter how inappropriate it may be to do so in a particular situation), then you aren't really noticing the things around you. All you notice is yourself and how uncomfortable you are. Or, if you are noticing things, you completely misinterpret them. If you don't say anything when someone asks a question, then you're not noticing. I wasn't suggesting that he should cave in to fear. I was suggesting that he try to shut out the fear by being aware. It isn't easy to do, that I know, but I didn't make the improvements I've made by following the rules of dating or by giving in to my fears. I started being aware of things outside of myself! If that counts as terrible advice, I'm sorry to have wasted so much space.
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