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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 13, 2004 12:07:11 GMT -5
Many of us mistake impulse for intuition, where impulse includes fears and anxiety. Intuition is a deeper knowing, a sureness. The fears pile on top and try to bury what you know to be right. Why do so many shy people continue to hope to overcome their shyness? Because that hope springs from our intuition, our inner knowing, that we are worthy. The hard part is peeling away the fears that try to convince you otherwise.
So, when I say follow your intuition, I do not mean give in to your fears. I mean listen to that voice deep inside that says you are worthy, you are ok, you do deserve what you want, etc.
As an aside, this is why I say shy people do not really know themselves. We think our fears are who we are, and only as we begin to let the fears drop away do our true personality and character begin to shine through, and we learn what we really like, think, want, etc.
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Zvezda
Junior Member
Posts: 63
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Post by Zvezda on Oct 15, 2004 16:24:58 GMT -5
Update! I need an update have you called/have you gone on the date yet if so how did it go?
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Post by Joe on Oct 15, 2004 22:52:50 GMT -5
I know it might be too late to answer now but I strongly advise against calling in 2 days or less. I called a woman after 1 day and another after 2 days just to see what would happen. I wanted to see the explaination of why it is wise to wait. Well, both these women automatically got it in their heads that they were completely in-charge of the date. I know I am shy but they acted like they were the boss much more than those in which I called 4-7 days later. Personally, I'd say waiting 4-5 days is the best. Many girls think 3 day wait is perfect and they expect it. However, do not give them what they want and expect. If they really like you, they will wait another day. It is the same principle applied when they make you weight 10-20 minutes as you arrive and they are still getting ready. When it approaches a full week, they start holding it against you in the other direction like you are not interested enough in her instead of the being too interested in her. Although, a 6 or 7 day wait is definately better than 1 or 2 day wait.
As for question 7, be observant. If she has a dog and she loves the cute, pathetic look the dog gives her to get food, water, love, attention or whatever then try to give her that look when you want sex. Ahhh pity sex... lol... If she thinks you are cute when you try hard to look into her eye but sometimes can't then do that more often. Many girls find the shy awkward smile on the guy cute so use that. Each girl is different. Learn what turns her on that is related to your shyness and don't stop doing it.
All the other questions seem to have been covered. Good luck on your date!
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 16, 2004 0:40:14 GMT -5
If your intuition tells you to run away (no matter how inappropriate it may be to do so in a particular situation), then you aren't really noticing the things around you. All you notice is yourself and how uncomfortable you are. Or, if you are noticing things, you completely misinterpret them. If you don't say anything when someone asks a question, then you're not noticing. I wasn't suggesting that he should cave in to fear. I was suggesting that he try to shut out the fear by being aware. It isn't easy to do, that I know, but I didn't make the improvements I've made by following the rules of dating or by giving in to my fears. I started being aware of things outside of myself! If that counts as terrible advice, I'm sorry to have wasted so much space. It's not terrible advice for everyone, but it is for some people. I'm glad it worked for you, and I hope anyone else who tries it has the same success you have. But for some people shyness is not just fear. Some people just don't have the intuition that you're talking about. Certainly if someone asks a question, you should answer it. But there's more to talking people than answering questions when asked. Inuition can help here, that's what most non-shy people use to keep a conversation going. But if you don't have that intuition, you need to compensate somehow. One way to do this is by analyzing the situation. You have to be sure not to overanalyze, to the point where you're not acting because you're too busy analyzing, but it can work. If there's another way to know what to do other than intuition and analysis, I don't know about it.
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 16, 2004 1:00:01 GMT -5
Many of us mistake impulse for intuition, where impulse includes fears and anxiety. Intuition is a deeper knowing, a sureness. The fears pile on top and try to bury what you know to be right. You make it sound as if intuition can only tell you good things about yourself. This is not true, you can have negative intuition, just as you can have positive impulses. That's not why shy people have hope. People in general often continue to hope for things that are truly important to them, even if that hope is completely misguided. If you lose hope, you have nothing, and people can't tolerate having nothing so they cling to hope. For many shy people, probably most, there really is some hope. But just because people feel hope doesn't mean there actually is any hope. I have that voice, it keeps getting weaker but it's still there. And I do listen to it, and I usually believe it. But what good does it do me? No one else can hear it, and they're the ones who need to know I'm worthy. I believe I know myself. And no, I don't think my fears are who I am, and I don't think shyness is who I am. But I don't see how knowing this does anything about my shyness.
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 16, 2004 9:55:28 GMT -5
Icarus - knowledge without action is useless. Others will know you're worthy if you act in ways that show believe yourself to be. I suspect that, deep down, you know you are worthy (intuition) - as we all do - but are not acting in ways that show it.
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 16, 2004 19:51:11 GMT -5
Icarus - knowledge without action is useless. Others will know you're worthy if you act in ways that show believe yourself to be. I suspect that, deep down, you know you are worthy (intuition) - as we all do - but are not acting in ways that show it. I know I'm not acting in ways that show it. What I don't know is how to act that would show it. Intuition doesn't help me at all in this area.
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