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Post by lonelyheart on Oct 12, 2004 0:00:24 GMT -5
I figure that if I ever want to have the chance of getting a girlfriend, then I must change a lot of things about myself. 1. I must become more confident in general around people. I feel very nervous for no reason. I feel like whatever I have to say is useless, so never open my mouth. One example is when I met up with this car club that I was going to join. I went along, parked near the people but couldn't really say anything. I felt very out of place, it made me feel kind of sad. I still have not signed up yet. I actually told myself to go along so that I could have a chance of making some more friends but yeah, didn't work out. 2. I must stop looking away whenever a girl looks at me. I think this part really kills me as I can't even bring myself to look at a girl walking by. I think it is mainly due to the blushing aspect. 3. I think that my voice sounds funny (not haha funny) after a while, so being over self concious, I tend not to say a lot for fear of people judging me. 4. I think that I am utterly boring and that I won't have anything fun to talk about. I fear small talk a LOT. Most of the time I will just stay almost silent, I'm sure the other person takes this the wrong way.  I didn't know where to post this, so I would try here. |
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Post by Monnlightairshadow on Oct 12, 2004 9:28:39 GMT -5
normal? what is normal anyway? i don't think there's such thing as normal...but anyway dnt worry im not gonna start arguing about what's normal and not normal..;D
hmm..it sounds like u've pretty much figured out what u want to change in urself and what u have to do to get a girlfriend...well then..it's just a matter of actually doing it...
1. Make a pact with urself tht ur going to at least join tht car club and ur not getting out of there until u sign up.
2. don't look away when a girl looks at u...
girls think it's cute when guys blush about it.... my friends and I r like, "awwwwwwww...did u see dat....he blushed..isn't dat cute?" and some girls don't notice it sumtimes anyway....i mean i don't i'm too busy looking at his eyes or smile...and prolly also noticing tht i'm blushing too...
3. if u don't talk ppl will still judge you..everyone judges and sometimes it's not always bad judgements there are good judgements too....and really u won't ever know wot ppl ever really think .so mite as well talk rite???
4. i worry about the same thing too...i won't have any fun thing to tlk about...wot i found it is....if u can't do the talking then be the listener and ask them a lot of questions...and comment on what they hafta say....ppl like talking about themselves. and remember "ppl dnt care about how much u know unless they know how much u care." when we show interest in ppl its also showing them tht we care enuff to know about them and well all of us likes dat attention don't we???
well anyway this won't entirely change you to mr. super-confident but it's a start...and well i'm pretty sure you'll get a girlfriend someday....
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 12, 2004 11:00:29 GMT -5
It's good you have taken apart some of your unhelpful behaviours; just being conscious of them is the first step to changing them. Take whatever steps you can, no matter how small, and persist.
I used to look away from women whenever they noticed me looking at them (and still do sometimes). Then I read some stuff by the doubleyourdating.com guy who suggested that looking away conveys submissiveness, that I feel unworthy, and that I am ashamed of my sexuality (that I am embarassed that she knows I am sexually interested in her). He was 100% correct. He said to let the woman look away first.
Since then, I've made a HUGE effort to NOT look away when a woman "caught" me "staring" at her (you see how I used to think about it!). Now I let her look away first, then I look away (I don't keep looking, that would be staring). I thought I was going to explode the first few times I did it, but it's becoming less of a big deal each time. Part of my fear has been concern over "what if this leads to her coming to talk to me/rejecting me?" That hasn't happened, and I've been working on not being fearful of that eventuality, either. One advantage to being a shy MALE is that women will generally wait for you to take the initiative, so you can move at your own pace.
Anyway, the weird thing is that, after I look at her, she notices and looks at me, she looks away, I look away - then I notice her stealing glances at me! She found it attractive that I didn't hide my interest or sexuality! So keep taking those steps in the direction of confidence...you'll get there sooner than you think!
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Post by Max Power on Oct 12, 2004 21:18:48 GMT -5
In my opinion, normal people are weirdos.  |
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 12, 2004 22:39:59 GMT -5
In my opinion, normal people are weirdos. I agree. |
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Post by lonelyheart on Oct 13, 2004 7:07:26 GMT -5
Thank you all for the kind replies. CaryGrant - You are a great role model for us guys on the forum. I have always thought that when girls see you blushing that it shows that you're weak or something or that you like them when you don't. **thinks of all the gorgeous girls he was too scared to approach at uni today** |
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 13, 2004 12:00:35 GMT -5
Women admire confidence. So, if you blush but smile and make conversation in spite of your obvious nervousness, you will win big points with most women. She will see you as someone who faces fears and does not let them stop him, which is very impressive to women.
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