advice about being more outgoing?

[Kayla]

Hi!
Okay, I've always been pretty shy, but I've gotten a lot better over the years. But this year I switched schools (sort of - it's a new program). I'm a lot happier now that I'm in this new school - and I consider it an awesome step for me, since I took a jump beyond my comfort zone by leaving all the people I had known forever. So now I'm meeting all these really cool people who are all friends, and I can't seem to become a part of the group! I'm friendly and everything, but I usually just stand there and observe. I'm not very experienced with this and have no idea what to do!
Second, and most importantly, there is a guy at this new school who I liked about four years ago, and may still like. Four years ago he found out and I was so devastated I never spoke to him and avoided him, even though he was friendly and we started out as friends (pretty self-defeating). So going to this new school was an even bigger step for me becouse of that. So now I want to get to know him really bad but I can't seem to say anything! Most of the time we are just sitting in class and he is at a different table. I'm afraid that if I'm too friendly he'll think I like him again! I'm always nervous around guys, but especially him, and I have no idea how to act. I always feel like he will think I'm stupid - okay I know he won't, but I'm small and young-looking so I feel unworthy. I'm starting to get really annoyed at myself for not saying anything! Please help!

[Kitten]

You sound a lot like me. Even when I do try to be friendly and outgoing, I can't seem to get over that hump, that threshold or whatever it is, and be myself.

One of my best friends has a big group of close friends that she's been friends with since high school. We all hang out sometimes and they definitely like me and accept me (for the most part, I think one of them talks shit about me) but I can't seem to get past the "acquaintence" stage with most of them. I have trouble getting close, especially with the girls. They can be very catty.

I think your best bet is to find one or two freindly people and focus on them. Find people that you have something in common with and ask them to do stuff after school, or join one of the school clubs. Instead of waiting for them to ask you to hang out, ask one of the more approachable people. It can be scary, but I think you'll be surprised at how quickly they'll say yes. It'll give them a chance to get to know you, and if you show them you're always up for doing stuff, they'll be more likely to ask you.

Good Luck!