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Post by Mela5 on Oct 22, 2004 12:16:39 GMT -5
hey guys! just wondering if you could help me! im 17 and my boyfriend and i have been going out for about almost 2 months. the relationship right now is pretty brutal.... i mean we barely talk and he means the world to me. I like him sooo much but when we are together we cant seem to keep a conversation going. We went to the movies the other day and i wanted to hold hands with him soo bad....but i didnt want to initiate it. so should i talk to him about our shyness? i am shy but not aws shy as he is. Could the problem also be because i am his first girlfriend? and should i be the one starting the moves?....i dont know i am sooo confused. But any help from you would be greatly appreciated  your truly confused Mel   |
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Post by shy 777 on Oct 22, 2004 12:42:36 GMT -5
Why would you NOT want to initiate holding hands? If he has stayed with you for two months do you think he would yank his hand away? I don't think so. I am sure pretty much all couples do that after 2 months of getting to know eachother. What's wrong with a girl initiating things especially that far into a relationship? I think it would be more of a turn on if I had a gf and she did that to me. Yes the problem is because you are his first girlfriend. He has no experience and has no clue what to do. He is probably afraid that if he does it you will act like he did something wrong and get angry at him for it. I wouldn't worry too much about the lack of talking. Shy guys don't need to talk too much and the amount we talk seems like a lot to us but may be nothing for less shy or outgoing people. Although I am sure he would like to talk more but he stayed with you for two months so I don't think that is too much of a problem. |
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Post by shy 777 on Oct 22, 2004 12:47:28 GMT -5
BTW, how did a guy as shy as him get you anyways? Did friends set you up or something? How did you get into a relationship with him especially if you are shy too even thought you are not as shy?
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Post by Mela5 on Oct 22, 2004 20:09:56 GMT -5
Hey Shy777.....thanks for replying! okay so why would i Not want to initiate it....well ig uess it is probably because i am pretty scared to. My biggest fear would be him rejecting it but i guess if he has stayed with me this long then i shouldnt be scared of it...as u mentioned. But a big factor i guess would be because he hasnt made a move yet, so im confused as to why he hasnt. And then the factor that im his first girlfriend comes into place. So do you think that the fact that i am his first girlfriend is a huge matter? the way we met is kinda funny actually. We went on a school trip together to Clevland, and he was sitting on the bus by himself so my best friend and I went over to talk to him and we ended up talking to him for the whole 6 hour ride home. It was soo fun, but i think we were annoying him badly. Then after that we ate lunch with him like everyday and got his MSN address and then i doscovered that i had a crush on him, and he later told me that he liked me. So then he asked me out and weve been going out for like 2 months. But it just seemed that after we started going out that the conversations have kinda stopped. And hes told me in letters and stuff before that he likes me sooo much but he just doesnt know how to act around me....so i just told him to act himself because thats what i like....i think its cute how shy he is, but its also kind of nervracking because i want more out of thie relationship, u know what i mean?...i want us both to be comfortable, but its hard. I really like him and i want this to last....so do u think i should make a move next time we are together? Except when we were at the movies he had his arms crossed for a good part of the movie, which makes me think he didnt want to hold hands....and i didnt want to just reach out and grab his hand while they were folded in his arms....you know what i mean? i dont know...its just soo different from my last boyfriend and confusing. any help would be again GREATLY appreciated luv Mel |
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Post by shy 777 on Oct 22, 2004 21:54:55 GMT -5
Hey Shy777.....thanks for replying! okay so why would i Not want to initiate it....well ig uess it is probably because i am pretty scared to. My biggest fear would be him rejecting it but i guess if he has stayed with me this long then i shouldnt be scared of it...as u mentioned. But a big factor i guess would be because he hasnt made a move yet, so im confused as to why he hasnt. And then the factor that im his first girlfriend comes into place. So do you think that the fact that i am his first girlfriend is a huge matter? Yes that and the fact that he is shy leads to no experience and paranoid thoughts that if he does this, you might get upset because you might not ready it. Did he kiss you yet? He is very lucky indeed! There you go. He admitted he doesn't know what he is doing. He doesn't know how to initiate things like holding hands for instance. Maybe he thinks the conversations are going well because he is shyer than you, therefore he talks less. If he knows the conversations are lacking then it is obvious that it isn't that much of a problem with him from the letters he wrote. In a way he is acting like himself because he is shy. All shy people open up more when we are more familiar with the person we're with and more comfortable with our surroundings. You need to get him more comfortable and familiar with you. Hmmm... can you explain what you mean? You want more talking, touching, romance? Maybe he didn't want to hold hands... However, maybe he didn't want to put pressure on himself to make a move and hold hands with you? So therefore he might have felt more at ease in that situation? I don't see why he wouldn't want to hold hands with you... After all, he is out on a date with you. Shouldn't he want to show everyone that he is with you and that no one else can come up to you and ask you out? It is obvious he likes you with that letter he sent you, staying with you for 2 months, telling you it before you went out, etc. This is just a situation he admitted he doesn't know how to handle. Look at him when you want to hold hands. Don't say anything. He may then eventually say something like, "What is it [sweetheart]?" (or whatever his pet name is for you) Then say, "hold my hand [honey]!" Do this while smiling the whole time, perhaps make your eyes sparkle and do it in a non-threatning way. This shows that you were expecting him to make a move for quite some time and that might push him into trying to make the next move(s) on his own. Your Welcome. |
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Post by Robb on Oct 23, 2004 19:07:13 GMT -5
Hi Mel
Definatly talk about the shyness,, And tell him you wanted to hold his hand so bad...If you only wanted to do with you..LOL... its confesson time you two have a lot of things to talk about
Tell me more
Robb
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Post by Mela5 on Oct 24, 2004 20:03:12 GMT -5
okay...but i dont know how to talk to him....any suggestions?
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Post by shy 777 on Oct 24, 2004 21:58:27 GMT -5
tell him in private and keep it between just him and you... NOT in front of others... that's embarrassing
approach the subject nicely and do not make it seem like a handicap that he is not proactive enough because he is very shy...
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Post by MeLa5 on Oct 25, 2004 19:30:28 GMT -5
okay thanks!....
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Post by mela5 on Oct 29, 2004 15:12:15 GMT -5
hey does anyone have msn? if so wanna chat on there as well?
my addy is spongebobrox82@hotmail.com
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