Encouragement please.. heh

[Orionation]

I have severe social anxiety, and although I go to a huge school, i very rarely like more than one girl at a time but when i do like a girl I usually like her a whole lot.. i guess its just the way i am. I cant help it but my mind is picky about what turns me off.

I 'met' (she spoke in a small group i was in.. although not directly to me) a very pretty girl last week that i really want to get to know, but i dont know what to do. I hardly see her at all because i dont have any classes with her, but every now and then i pass her in the hallway. She hasn't noticed me yet.. and i dont think she remembers me.. so i really doubt she would say hi.. so i need to.. but its too hard for me. I feel like i dont know her and it would be odd to just say odd to a 'stranger' or even to go up to her and introduce myself.. especially since the only times i see her she is either talking with a friend or in her car after school.. and i dont wanna go up to her car and knock on her window to introduce myself...

This is the problem i always have.. just getting started in relationships and getting them going. Ive never had a girlfriend.. not because girls dont like me, but because im too nervous to even say hi to them unless if they say hi to me first. I keep wanting to wait for them to initiate the conversations and to keep talking to me although i dont talk much.. until i get comfortable enough around her to talk more myself and eventually overcome my shyness around her. But by that time 99% of girls would lose interest in me.. if they ever were interested in the first place.

I feel weird just going up to a girl I dont even really know and saying hi or introducing myself.. especially when I dont see her but about 10 seconds passing her in the hallway every other day or so.. depending on how quickly I get out of class. I dont even know if this girl has a boyfriend or not.. but if she doesn't I would be suprised and I would have to move fast cus she is very very pretty. I dont know what to do. I have too much trouble talking to people when I first meet them especially.

When we were in that small group last week and I saw her.. the reason I was there was because I was voted as shyest for senior superlatives and she was the one taking the pictures. Her and her friend were talking and she said that she is shy too and her friend laughed and said she isnt shy at all, but then refering back to her friend she said that she is shy when she first meets people. Ive seen her 2 times since then.. one of the times I was pretty far behind her, and the other time was just today and she was just behind me.. I heard her talking to a friend. As soon as they said bye she started walking faster and passed me, not saying anything. I dont know if she was just shy as well or if she even noticed me and is just not interested or what. I dont know why she would be interested anyway.. she doesn't even know me. ERRR i dont know what to do.

[Sweet Pea]

Smile at her when you see her in class anytime she happens to be looking your way. Say hi whenever you get the chance. Sit next to her when you get the chance, and say "hi, I'm ___". Ask her a question, "what did you think of that assignment, test, whatever?" or ask for a favor "could I get the last reading assignment from you, I forgot to write it down." I don't think many men, shy or not, would walk up to a girl cold and just introduce themselves unless it's at a party or social event or in a classroom or something like that. That's how it usually goes. You meet someone somewhere you see them alot, you introduce yourself. It's perfectly normal to introduce yourself to a classmate. Especially if you sit next to them or you're standing near each other waiting in line or something. If you catch her eye and smile, you begin the process and she will remember you from then on. ;D

[Sweet Pea]

PS - Thanks for the link to the video! It's really great!

[Orionation]

well thats the main problem.. i dont have any classes with her. We have been going to the same school for 4 years, but i had never seen her before this year.. and the only reason ive seen her this year is because she is on the yearbook staff and also she has a class a few doors down from a class i have at the same time.

We have never had any classes together. The only time i see her at all is a few seconds between classes.. and she has been talking to friends every time ive seen her and i dont want to just butt into the conversation.

There was one time today when i saw her when she wasn't talking to anybody. I was on my way to lunch walkin real slowly kinda looking for her cus im trying to figure out where she hangs out at at lunch (our cafeteria and plaza is huge.. if i dont keep my eye on her it would be like finding waldo). Then she walks up pretty quickly to my right and passes me. I didn't want to just start runnin after her cus she walks quite fast and uh i dont but i walked a little faster anyway and kept my eye on her. Then several girls behind me started yelling her name and she turned around and stopped and waited on them. I looked at her dead in the eyes but she didn't look at me.. and i just kept walking slowly.. i knew they would end up passing me. They talked about somethin pretty loudly and laughed.. and then she comes up on my left side as we are going into the cafeteria and by this time my anxiety was taking me over. She was right there beside me and i didn't even look at her.. i got too nervous.. it was happening so quickly. Somebody ahead of me went in the cafeteria and i reached to catch the door before it shut.. i was ganna hold it for her and tell her to go ahead.. but before i had the chance she slipped right in front of me about the time i put my hand on the door and walks right in and straight into the bathroom.

lol damnit i dont know what im going to do.

Ive been pissed at myself all day for letting such a thing happen when i had a perfect chance to speak to her right then.

[2shy]

Since you are not thrown together in class isn't there anything else you can talk to or ask her about? What do you know about her? Name, car, work for yearbook and says she is shy when meeting people.

Can't you think of a question 'only' she can answer? You've seen her a week ago and now you want to know something about the yearbook (will they publish a little article by the shyest on how shyness affects students or something) and you thought she'd know. Or develop an interest in photography and ask her whether she knows of any courses to take or books to improve your skills.

Of course making the opportunity is the problem, but if you have a bona fide question... knock on the car window or butt (politely) into the conversation.

You asked for encouragement and I'm trying to think of a way to encourage without threatening doom and gloom, but it is difficult. All I can say is that I've waited for 37 years for the fairy godmother of SAD's to wave her wand at me and make it all better and it never happened. You will have to teach yourself to initiate conversation otherwise you will end up waiting till hell freezes over (one of your other posts). And trying to overcome or manage anxiety will be an uncomfortable/ painful exercise at any age, so you basically have to face it now or later. The bonus if you start earlier, is not a less painful process, but more experience and more time to enjoy a different way of being.

(Sorry, this is more of me and less of your problem, but I recognise the anxious young girl that I was in so many of the posts that I have to make the point that, no matter what your parents might say, you won't just grow out of it. If shyness or anxiety hampers you as a teenager, it needs to be worked on.)

[Sweet Pea]

The yearbook thing could be an angle. Maybe you could volunteer to do some work on the yearbook and/or maybe there's a yearbook class you could take next semester and/or maybe there's a club associated with yearbook or journalism she might be involved in?

[Orionation]

The yearbook thing could be an angle. Maybe you could volunteer to do some work on the yearbook and/or maybe there's a yearbook class you could take next semester and/or maybe there's a club associated with yearbook or journalism she might be involved in?

i had thought about that but unfortunatly its too late to sign up for classes next semester.. they already have my schedual worked out and wont make changes because the guidance councilers at my school suck and are too lazy to do a better job. I couldn't take the yearbook class anyway.. i havn't taken the previous required classes.

I went into the room where they do all the work on the book this morning before school.. i had a question about it i was ganna ask her but she wasn't in there, and the teacher took care of it . I dont know what else i can ask yet.

I do have a bit of an interest in photography, although i dont have my own camera. I just take some pics now and then of landscapes and textures as reference for artwork.. but again i dont know where to go with that. ill keep thinkin