Post by Max Power on Nov 5, 2004 22:48:13 GMT -5
I would like to tell you a story about a woman who has been in my heart for 10 years.
I met "Michelle" 10 years ago when we started working together. When I first saw her I thought she was a beautiful woman, but I didn't go gaga for her immediately. She's also three years older than me. I took me about a month before I slowly fell deeply in love with her. Problem was, she had a boyfriend, a very handsome and successful boyfriend. Believe it or not, as shy as I am/was then, I was going to ask her out to a Yankee game (this was before I knew she had someone.)
"Michelle" is my ideal type, physically and personality wise. I mean ideal, as if I had an opportunity to create my fantasy woman in the flesh, head to toe, inside and out. I love everything about her. She always wore her hair up in a bun, and I was glad she did this because if I ever saw her hair in it's natural length, long and flowing, I would've been smitten even more. Well, I was announcing that I was leaving the job to pursue other things. I remember the monday morning of my last week, I prayed that she didn't let her hair down. Well whaddya know, when I walked into the office, guess who let her hair down. And I was smitten. But I left the job and thought that was the end of it (wish it was.)
Two months later, the boss wanted me back. So I came back, and my feelings for "Michelle" grew... and grew... and grew to the point where I became really depressed. Later that year, we were invited to a party in The Village, and the only reason why I went was to meet her boyfriend and see how he looked. I was so distraught that he was tall, dark and handsome, while I was short, skinny and ugly.
(Well, I'm not short, but I'm sure as hell not 6'3!) Not to mention, I am the complete opposite of what her type is. Maybe my personality is what she likes in a guy, but as for my physical aspects, I don't even touch the radar.
About a year later, it was her time to move on, so I knew I would not see her again. Now throughout out the course of our freindship, I helped her move into her apartment, along with another co-worker and one of her good friends, and we exchnaged phone numbers to keep in touch. What made me feel special was that I was the only one at the company she exchanged numbers with and kept in touch with her years later. She said some things that really made me feel warm, like one day I said something funny and she said, "That's one of the things I like about you." Now I would usually do backflips thinking she liked me in "that way", but "Michelle" is such a nice woman, she would say this to anybody. There was even this one time when the boss was aggrivated with me, and "Michelle" said that "he's probably jealous because I hang around you so much."
I used to call her every few months, sometimes procrastinating for a week because I would start shaking, sweating and getting stomach aches before I called her. The last time I talked to her, I felt as if she didn't want my phone call, for whatever reason, maybe she was busy or whatever. But I never called her again because I just didn't want to linger around a woman who made me depressed because I couldn't be with her.
Now here's where I ask: What do I feel for this woman? It can't be lust, because even though I am strongly attracted to her, I cannot fantasize about her. Ever! The only fantasies I have about us involves us meeting on the train, or a party, or a movie theater, I'm all handsome and buffed, and she broke up with "Joey". We would catch up on old times and fall in love. But as far as these fantasies go, I never ever thought about us having sex. I couldn't even picture us kissing.
I tried to picture us making love, but the images just didn't pop up in my head. There is a mental block where I cannot picture us romantically involved in any way. Sometimes I think it's because I can't see her moving from "Joey", a tall, dark and handsome successful guy to Max Power, an ogre who lives with his parents, makes four times less than he does, and is not even her type.
I was so crushed, but not surprised, to learn she got married. Over the last month, I've had two seperate dreams where I was invited to the wedding, I was driving there, and I decided not to go because it would crush me to hear her say, "I do" to another man. Both dreams were in different locations, but the sequence of events were the same.
Today, she runs her own business, and I wish her so well. But everytime I hear the word wedding I think of "Michelle". I think about her every day, only the girls in the cafeteria at my job distract me from her. And why am I so depressed that "Joey" has her love, which is what I want?!
I get so so depressed when I think about them it's maddening. A week before Christmas was when I found out that she got married, and it ruined my holiday. Every New Years I think about her kissing and ringing the New Year with "Joey". This past Valentines Day, all I could think about was her.
But if I can't picture us romantically or sexually, then what the hell do I feel for her?
I met "Michelle" 10 years ago when we started working together. When I first saw her I thought she was a beautiful woman, but I didn't go gaga for her immediately. She's also three years older than me. I took me about a month before I slowly fell deeply in love with her. Problem was, she had a boyfriend, a very handsome and successful boyfriend. Believe it or not, as shy as I am/was then, I was going to ask her out to a Yankee game (this was before I knew she had someone.)
"Michelle" is my ideal type, physically and personality wise. I mean ideal, as if I had an opportunity to create my fantasy woman in the flesh, head to toe, inside and out. I love everything about her. She always wore her hair up in a bun, and I was glad she did this because if I ever saw her hair in it's natural length, long and flowing, I would've been smitten even more. Well, I was announcing that I was leaving the job to pursue other things. I remember the monday morning of my last week, I prayed that she didn't let her hair down. Well whaddya know, when I walked into the office, guess who let her hair down. And I was smitten. But I left the job and thought that was the end of it (wish it was.)
Two months later, the boss wanted me back. So I came back, and my feelings for "Michelle" grew... and grew... and grew to the point where I became really depressed. Later that year, we were invited to a party in The Village, and the only reason why I went was to meet her boyfriend and see how he looked. I was so distraught that he was tall, dark and handsome, while I was short, skinny and ugly.
(Well, I'm not short, but I'm sure as hell not 6'3!) Not to mention, I am the complete opposite of what her type is. Maybe my personality is what she likes in a guy, but as for my physical aspects, I don't even touch the radar. About a year later, it was her time to move on, so I knew I would not see her again. Now throughout out the course of our freindship, I helped her move into her apartment, along with another co-worker and one of her good friends, and we exchnaged phone numbers to keep in touch. What made me feel special was that I was the only one at the company she exchanged numbers with and kept in touch with her years later. She said some things that really made me feel warm, like one day I said something funny and she said, "That's one of the things I like about you." Now I would usually do backflips thinking she liked me in "that way", but "Michelle" is such a nice woman, she would say this to anybody. There was even this one time when the boss was aggrivated with me, and "Michelle" said that "he's probably jealous because I hang around you so much."
I used to call her every few months, sometimes procrastinating for a week because I would start shaking, sweating and getting stomach aches before I called her. The last time I talked to her, I felt as if she didn't want my phone call, for whatever reason, maybe she was busy or whatever. But I never called her again because I just didn't want to linger around a woman who made me depressed because I couldn't be with her.
Now here's where I ask: What do I feel for this woman? It can't be lust, because even though I am strongly attracted to her, I cannot fantasize about her. Ever! The only fantasies I have about us involves us meeting on the train, or a party, or a movie theater, I'm all handsome and buffed, and she broke up with "Joey". We would catch up on old times and fall in love. But as far as these fantasies go, I never ever thought about us having sex. I couldn't even picture us kissing.
I tried to picture us making love, but the images just didn't pop up in my head. There is a mental block where I cannot picture us romantically involved in any way. Sometimes I think it's because I can't see her moving from "Joey", a tall, dark and handsome successful guy to Max Power, an ogre who lives with his parents, makes four times less than he does, and is not even her type.I was so crushed, but not surprised, to learn she got married. Over the last month, I've had two seperate dreams where I was invited to the wedding, I was driving there, and I decided not to go because it would crush me to hear her say, "I do" to another man. Both dreams were in different locations, but the sequence of events were the same.
Today, she runs her own business, and I wish her so well. But everytime I hear the word wedding I think of "Michelle". I think about her every day, only the girls in the cafeteria at my job distract me from her. And why am I so depressed that "Joey" has her love, which is what I want?!
I get so so depressed when I think about them it's maddening. A week before Christmas was when I found out that she got married, and it ruined my holiday. Every New Years I think about her kissing and ringing the New Year with "Joey". This past Valentines Day, all I could think about was her.But if I can't picture us romantically or sexually, then what the hell do I feel for her?
