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Post by mario winans on Nov 18, 2004 11:15:07 GMT -5
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Post by Medici on Nov 18, 2004 19:34:14 GMT -5
Sounds like a matter of hanging out with the wrong people. If they are so aggressive and crass, you will only gain their respect by being like them, and it probably wouldn't be worth it. There may be some people out there who would make better friends. The thing is they might not be the most gregarious or outgoing types. So you would have to give them a chance, and be accepting, too. That's the thing of it, maybe, if you long to be with that crowd going to clubs and acting rowdy and living it up you might have to become one of them. But I would say that you definently don't want to be their whipping boy any longer. Either play their game or if you can't then forget them would be my advice.
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Post by mario winans on Nov 19, 2004 8:49:21 GMT -5
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Post by loner 0 on Nov 19, 2004 12:06:20 GMT -5
How old are you? How did you have the courage to go out by yourself like that?
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Post by old free guy on Nov 19, 2004 18:04:15 GMT -5
Congrats, most of us are tooo self-conscious going out by themseleves. Practice more practice is the key i think...maybe get out of the pub within a time limit.
Friday nights, I want to goto the bookstore and browse books but nah..too scared..people will know im a no life loner.
I should have a counter-argument for my self-talk but I cant think up one that will convince me.
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Post by Carlsberg on Nov 20, 2004 0:34:41 GMT -5
Hey, good for you! It's tough for anybody to go out by themselves, even the most outgoing lose alot of their confidence without support of their buddies. One piece of advice though; if you keep going out like that, make sure there is actually some progress. It will never do you any good if you always sit by yourself and fear to even approach anybody and make some connections.
That's tough. I don't know about your physique, but maybe it would help to give the biggest loudmouth a little hell. Bump into him in the hallway every chance you get (I assume these are people from your college), give him a shove, if he says anything about it, get in his face and ask him if he has a problem with something - things like that tend to intimidate just about every jerk. Of course they might attempt to laugh at you again, but they'll only do it a couple of times to save face and then back-off. People who are laughed at are the ones who take it quietly and never do anything to defend themselves, and at least between men, talking back is usually not enough. You have to get or at least be prepared to get physical.
I have done that a couple of times in the past to different guys who tried to get on my case. It works!
Of course you might get a royal ass kicking as well, but I think it's still better than taking put-downs quietly.
It's up to you. One thing's for sure. Don's even attempt to hang out with those people. They obviously won't treat you fairly at this point. Look for friends elsewhere.
MakeFriend25,
Not to sound mean, but from your post it seems like you ARE a loner with no life and people probably already think that. Isn't it better to go where you want and do what you want than worry about what people think? If going to the bookstore is your thing; great, that's one of the best places to go alone to, and you can meet alot of decent, intelligent people while there.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Nov 20, 2004 1:13:45 GMT -5
Congrats, most of us are tooo self-conscious going out by themseleves. Practice more practice is the key i think...maybe get out of the pub within a time limit. Friday nights, I want to goto the bookstore and browse books but nah..too scared..people will know im a no life loner. I should have a counter-argument for my self-talk but I cant think up one that will convince me. No they won't! They'll just think you like to read! I LOVE Barnes and Noble at night. Hot cuppa coffee and a good browse is a great way to spend an evening. And you might meet someone interesting there, you never know.  |
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Post by Boblouie58 on Nov 20, 2004 2:14:28 GMT -5
Getting "out" is one of the keys to finding someone for conversation or more. Sitting at home alone is rather boring I agree. You might need to be more assertative and try and worm yourself into others conversations. You have a 50-50 chance that they will allow you in. Pick your group and try listening to what they talk about first and when you see a lull in conversation make a point and try asking a question that will require one of the group to respond to you. If one of them do, then ask another question before they go back to their group and again, you may be asked to join in the conversation. Its worth a try........  |
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Post by old free guy on Nov 20, 2004 2:44:25 GMT -5
I went out by myself to the bookstore on Saturday to find shyness self-help books. It was not too bad, I walked around and myself start to say people are looking at me. I use the counter-argument technique to ease my tension. It's a really good experience, I am constantly applying tips for shyness and felt more comfortable walking around by myself.
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Post by mario winans on Nov 25, 2004 8:55:31 GMT -5
i think that going out to the library or book store is what most people would do by themselves!!!!! but u dont often see people going out clubbing and drinking by themselves!!!
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Post by Kitten on Nov 26, 2004 8:43:18 GMT -5
Mario,
Why don't you just start going out later, so it'll be less obvious that you're all by yourself? I used to go out to clubs a lot, and it's always that way in the beginning of the night--there's nobody on the dance floor yet and people aren't drunk enough yet to mix and mingle, so they stay in their little groups, just waiting for stuff to happen. If you go later, you'd get there when everyone's already having fun and you'd avoid that awkwardness. Just get on the floor and start dancing next to a group that looks like they're having a good time and try to work your way in...dont' be insulted if people reject you, it's nothing personal. It's just that there ARE a lot of skeevy guys out there and you can never be too careful. Even if you don't wind up meeting anyone you can still have fun.
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Post by Medici on Dec 2, 2004 0:03:02 GMT -5
You know if I'm going to do some drinking by myself I just stay home. IMO its pretty sad to be drinking alone in a bar. Hell its pretty sad to be drinking alone at home but at least nobody can see you! I'm inclined to say that going out to clubs alone is a lost cause. You really need some group to make any sense out of it at all. In fact, you need like 3 people at least. 3 guys going out together is still pretty lame. It just looks bad. For best results it should be a mixed group of girls and guys. Say 5 or 6 people at least. The more the merrier. That's my experience.
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