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Post by sinead on Feb 24, 2003 11:38:24 GMT -5
In work in an office and i hate it. Al the others have formed a clique and have their lunch together and tea breaks. It breaks ny heart that i am always left out. Thet just ignore me completely. Has anybody else experienced this?
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Feb 24, 2003 14:39:31 GMT -5
What have you done to try to join this clique?
What did they do to make you feel excluded?
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dude
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Post by dude on Feb 28, 2003 18:46:17 GMT -5
I understand and can agree about cliquey people. Just remember that people who act like jerks in their clique are insecure. People feel more secure and better about themselves in a clique. They belong. They have a sense of indetity. Being outside of that can snowball into hell. People see you alone, they think youre screwed up, and will avoid you. Also someone in a clique might not show or have the independence to opening up to someone who may not fit in, because theyre scared what the clique might think. I was kind of the same way in high school with my group, and it makes me feel bad about that. I strong person wont care, and can open up to almost anybody, regardless if they have their group of friends they can go back to. Dont worry about a group who ignores you, no matter how hip or pretty they might be, they cant be that cool if they dont acknowledge that youre human.
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Post by glenn miller on Mar 17, 2003 14:28:27 GMT -5
i am a bit the same. like at school.
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Post by unionjackattack86 on Mar 17, 2003 15:03:29 GMT -5
When I was in my last year at school, all the people I use to hang round with had a clique and they were all confident and I didn't really fit in with them, I felt like I was tagging along because I was quiet and didn't do things they did so I just use to sit on me own at dinner times and read the newspaper for something to do. It was pretty boring but it was better than trying to be somebody i'm not.
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Post by Shypuppy17 on Feb 20, 2004 17:09:32 GMT -5
Unfortunatly, cliques are everywhere. In high school, there were some very tight cliques. Because I was always on the "outside looking in," I observed how everybody would gossip about some of the members or spread nasty rumors. I hate cliques. I can understand having a few good friends but the exclusion part is what I hate. It makes me mad when others exclude those who don't have a certain image. Those who talk about others are insecure about themselves and it makes them feel better.
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Post by Placido on Feb 20, 2004 19:41:31 GMT -5
SolitarySoul asks pertinent questions.
Meanwhile, it's easy to dismiss as a clique what is essentially just a group of friends. It's a sad fact that quiet people get forgotten about - not because anyone hates them, but because it's easy to forget they're there. You have to constantly remind yourself that other people won't notice you unless you make them.
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Feb 22, 2004 2:26:31 GMT -5
SolitarySoul asks pertinent questions. Meanwhile, it's easy to dismiss as a clique what is essentially just a group of friends. It's a sad fact that quiet people get forgotten about - not because anyone hates them, but because it's easy to forget they're there. You have to constantly remind yourself that other people won't notice you unless you make them. Oftentimes, the only barriers that impede you are the ones that you place before you yourself. Solitary Soul all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/-------------------------------------------------------- |
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Post by mere phantom on Feb 22, 2004 22:20:56 GMT -5
it happens i just dont give a crap or at least dont show it, i just play the rock music low  |
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Post by Shypuppy17 on Feb 23, 2004 14:18:56 GMT -5
People who exclude others because of who they are aren't worth being friends with. Nobody should change who they are to please others.
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Feb 23, 2004 21:21:10 GMT -5
People who exclude others because of who they are aren't worth being friends with. Nobody should change who they are to please others. There have been numerous discussions about this in A.S.S., And the most significant thing to come out of the dustcloud was that, some change is necessary if you are to become more socially viable - the main reason why you don’t have much in the way of friends, or attaining what you want out of life, is because you don’t have the social capacity to be more than you are - and to become the person that you want to be, some change IS necessary. Of course, what you are doing is changing to please yourself, not so much to please others - but then you have the issue of HOW to change - in what ways - and the only way to determine the specific nature of the changes that you have to make is by gauging the input and reactions of others. What others? ... whose advice should you regard as being valuable? ... and what should you disregard? Difficult to determine, but it all depends on which crowd you want to “fit in” with - they are the ones who can give you the best advice - take your cues from them. Part of my own “problem” is that I really don’t give a flying f*rt as to what anyone thinks of me - and I’m not a very personable individual - I’m definitely not a “people-person” - but I have to pay attention to the opinions of others if I am to gain enough social proficiency to at least function in professional relationships - intimate relationships are not a realistic possibility for me - as I have lived alone, I’ll very likely die alone, but I don’t have a problem with that. Solitary Soul all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/-------------------------------------------------------- |
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Post by CaryGrant on Feb 24, 2004 10:32:39 GMT -5
SS, I liked the first few paragraphs, but that last one... ;D
To "fit in," I first decided what kind of person I wanted to be. That made clear the kind of people I would want to "fit in" with. As a result, I have noticed that there are some groups and people who I really don't care if they like or respect me, because I don't respect their values.
OTOH, there are people who I do respect and do want to like me because of this.
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Ghost
Full Member
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Post by Ghost on Feb 28, 2004 19:25:42 GMT -5
I don't like cliques. It is nice to have a group of friends, but not this way. Cliques exist out of people who have to put a act up for each other to be "cool". It must be hard, to act that way, unless it comes natural. they also backstab, gossip and are no real friends. If they have any true friend at all.
It's almost like a amusing soap opera.
At my work I never take lunchbreaks. People smoke and swear heavily and I don't feel comfortable with that. And I have nothing in common with them and just sit quiet. I don't know those people very well either (many people are employed) and like to make fun of each other. They don't mean it badly, but it is not my kind of thing. To watch, ok, but to participate...no. They are nice, but except for a few people, none of them seems able to talk about a neutral subject either.
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Post by Jarous on Feb 29, 2004 3:32:00 GMT -5
I do belong to a clique - about 6 males interested in mathematics, physics and computers. I wonder how I got there though, because the others do most of the talking - except when they want some technical advice only I can give them. Yes, the usual activity involves making fun of each other (just teasing, nothing serious) or people outside the group. I don't think I fit in, but I dread the idea of not belonging anywhere. They provide opportunities to pass pauses between lessons, no more. I never hang around them out of school.
I hate the thought of not being in a clique when I start university.
I don't know what I wanted to say: just cliques are awful but a big pain not to be in. A basic human weakness and wish to belong to something bigger than themselves, perhaps?
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Mar 1, 2004 0:30:44 GMT -5
I do belong to a clique - about 6 males interested in mathematics, physics and computers. I wonder how I got there though, because the others do most of the talking - except when they want some technical advice only I can give them. Yes, the usual activity involves making fun of each other (just teasing, nothing serious) or people outside the group. I don't think I fit in, but I dread the idea of not belonging anywhere. They provide opportunities to pass pauses between lessons, no more. I never hang around them out of school. I hate the thought of not being in a clique when I start university. I don't know what I wanted to say: just cliques are awful but a big pain not to be in. A basic human weakness and wish to belong to something bigger than themselves, perhaps? It’s odd - I just don’t feel this “need to belong” - cliques just don’t bother me. People join cliques, and I don’t - and I couldn’t care less. Solitary Soul all about me -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/-------------------------------------------------------- |
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