wraith
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Post by wraith on Sept 6, 2007 14:50:10 GMT -5
Is what I wanted to say to her tonight, but I'm too much of a pussy to do it. I'll say it tomorrow then, but I will be gentle, try not to break her heart. It is strange, she is used to hurting people, yet is very sensitive and has the ability to feel pain. I don't want to hurt her since she hasn't hurt me yet. But she will.
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Post by gaz on Sept 6, 2007 15:19:08 GMT -5
I'm assuming you are talking about you'r grilfriend?
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Post by choccy25 on Sept 6, 2007 15:38:18 GMT -5
Hi there,
I am sorry to hear your having problems.
My last ex drove me mad as he couldnt understand my shyness and panic attacks. It was horrible.
I finally told him where to go about a year ago and havent looked back.. I deserved better,, he wanted to change me
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Post by annaa on Sept 6, 2007 16:36:54 GMT -5
Ok - what did she do to deserve this?
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Post by choccy25 on Sept 6, 2007 17:05:05 GMT -5
You sound paranoid as well when I reread the post. You having a really bad night... I wouldnt really put it like that either
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Post by iroseiroared3 on Sept 6, 2007 17:36:47 GMT -5
Aw, that does sound like you're worrying about something a little too early. But did something happen between you and her at all? Or you're just upset because you've seen things she's done? I guess you have to judge by how bad the thing she's done in the past were. You said she has a sensitive side too. Maybe you'll be different to her, but who knows. I'd have a talk with her or something before completely breaking it off, unless what she has done is so bad that you can't forgive it (which is understandable).
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Post by annaa on Sept 6, 2007 18:21:32 GMT -5
You sound paranoid as well when I reread the post... How did he sound paranoid? I don't see it myself.
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Post by phoenixferret on Sept 6, 2007 19:00:52 GMT -5
You sound paranoid as well when I reread the post... How did he sound paranoid? I don't see it myself. I don't want to hurt her since she hasn't hurt me yet. But she will. That does sound a bit paranoid... What do you mean, "she is used to hurting people?" Has she been cruel to you or someone you know, or has she just broken up with or rejected a lot of guys? I don't see anything inherently wrong with breaking off a relationship that isn't working, if that's all you know. Maybe the guys in those relationships were always pursuing her, whereas, as IRose suggested, maybe you're someone who she is pursuing now because she likes you that much more. I think it's always preferable to be kind when someone is in such a vulnerable position. Clear, but kind--even if she's not someone you'd want to touch with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Sept 6, 2007 21:12:53 GMT -5
I don't want to hurt her since she hasn't hurt me yet. But she will. ummmm....yeah...okay...sure...whatever you say...
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wraith
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Post by wraith on Sept 15, 2007 6:50:55 GMT -5
I think I'm the best person ever. Most gentle, loving and sensitive man that ever lived.
Ok, this happened. I decided to break up with her, gently but firmly. I didn't do it to well, though. It lasted the whole night, with her crying all the time, almost, and carried on through the next day. Finally, I couldn't take it any more and succumbed to her pleas to reconsider my decision.
The reason for all this drama is her behavior in the past. She was quite cruel and dishonest to her previous boyfriend, selfish, prone to cheating... Of course, she swears things are different with me. They better be.
Oh, I know I'm stupid.
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Post by Sigh on Sept 15, 2007 8:26:27 GMT -5
Has she ever done anything to you that hints she would treat you like she did her ex? Because it seems a bit premature if she hasn't done anything bad to you, maybe it is different with you.
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Post by phoenixferret on Sept 15, 2007 9:57:42 GMT -5
I think I'm the best person ever. Most gentle, loving and sensitive man that ever lived. Ok, this happened. I decided to break up with her, gently but firmly. I didn't do it to well, though. It lasted the whole night, with her crying all the time, almost, and carried on through the next day. Finally, I couldn't take it any more and succumbed to her pleas to reconsider my decision. The reason for all this drama is her behavior in the past. She was quite cruel and dishonest to her previous boyfriend, selfish, prone to cheating... Of course, she swears things are different with me. They better be. Oh, I know I'm stupid. Why in the world would you start dating this woman if you thought she was such a cruel and selfish person, only to dump her for it later? Did you *just* find out about this? Did she tell you this herself? I feel like you need to break up with this woman and stay broken up. It would be cruel on your part to stay with her and act as though she has to make up to *you* the things she did to someone else in the past. If your sense of self preservation has trouble with that; if it's something that motivated you to spend an entire night trying to break it off; if it's something you would even for a moment consider holding over her head (and from your posts, I'd guess that's a yes)... you need to end this, in my opinion. Don't keep her hanging on for another month just to break up with her again, because that second round of tears will be completely on your head. You're already suspicious of her and don't trust her at all to be kind, thoughtful or even faithful. You've given her the speech and the benefit of a face-to-face discussion, so I think it's a sanctioned move now to break it off for good over the phone. Better for her to have her heart broken cleanly than to end up in a relationship in which she is guilty until proven innocent, and better for you not to be with someone you're already expecting to screw you over, and who you would like to tell to "get the fuck away from" you. That's usually a good sign that it's time for a relationship to end.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Sept 15, 2007 10:15:54 GMT -5
I think I'm the best person ever. Most gentle, loving and sensitive man that ever lived. Ok, this happened. I decided to break up with her, gently but firmly. I didn't do it to well, though. It lasted the whole night, with her crying all the time, almost, and carried on through the next day. Finally, I couldn't take it any more and succumbed to her pleas to reconsider my decision. The reason for all this drama is her behavior in the past. She was quite cruel and dishonest to her previous boyfriend, selfish, prone to cheating... Of course, she swears things are different with me. They better be. Oh, I know I'm stupid. i dunno. this sounds kinda weird. i can't imagine...how did you find this out? were you grilling her about previous relationships? were you listening to what her ex had to say? were you distrustfully spying on her behind her back to determine if she was good enough for you? if you were doing any of these things, the future doesn't bode well for your relationships. are you sure you've heard and understood both sides of every story? besides, a relationship should be based on your present not your past. you have to trust your partner to be the best person they can be in your relationship with them. if we're to be judged on all our past behavior, no one would deserve a good relationship. we all make mistakes. that's how we learn better. i don't recommend stupidly walking into something that's quite obviously doomed to failure, but what you posted here sounds strange. it makes me wonder why you're in a relationship with her at all since you don't seem to think much of her.
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wraith
Junior Member
Posts: 57
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Post by wraith on Dec 6, 2007 14:16:52 GMT -5
A little clarification for people who happen to remember this thread. If no one does, I'll just use it a diary to relieve some stress.
I agree, it does sound weird and it is. Of course in the beginning I didn't think she was a shitty person, at the time of starting this rant I thought she was a monster, now that we're broken up I just think think that she is illogical and confused, one of those able to love couple of people at once, something that makes her unhappy in the first place.
This is how it went, she was pretty honest to me about cheating on her previous bf(s). Since this was my first relationship I was already insecure & paranoid, and no matter how much I wanted to trust her I couldn't, so I accidentally "stumbled" upon her private stuff such as emails for example. There I found out that I wasn't the only one in her mind, but the mitigating circumstances were that they (pay attention to the pronoun) are not in the country we are currently in, but were more like previous bfs that she was far from being done with, and they thought it was quite serious.
She had various explanations for all that, but my trust was ruined, I've become a stalking psycho and no matter how much I wanted to continue being with her I couldn't, it bothered me too much, especially if we were to be away from each other sometimes. I didn't want to have to chain her to me.
The strength of her reaction to the breakup and amount of emotions on her part surprised me a bit I have to say, considering everything and it was very hard for me. I still love her and care for her very much and I think it's the same with her.
I'm not really in the mood for judging any more, I've been thinking about this a lot and she is the one that suffers now the most (if I'm not a complete fool and she a sociopathic actor). I've tried to educate myself in the psychology of women and it isn't uncommon for hem to behave this way or at the very least preserve their options on the side. I'm not exactly proud of my snooping, but I was right. Not that it gives me any satisfaction.
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