fantasizing

[Sweet Pea]

quiet said:

I want to make someone feel like that. In fact, sharing that kind of bond with someone is what I consider to be the meaning of life for me.

It feels so presumptuous to imagine that I could make her feel that, though. I consequently feel pathetic and undesirable when I'm trying to find someone.

it's natural to feel comforted and safe in the warm arms of another person...i wouldn't worry...i'm sure you can make someone feel that way.

[konnor]

I thought exactly the same as most of the comments here. Then the dream actually happened and reality gave me a kick up the butt a few months later.

I'm trying to 'unlearn' my thoughts and fantasties after all these years of seeing people with partners and desperately wanting it as it has made me compremise myself in search for a partner. I agree its a massive part of life, but making it your meaning for life to me puts a huge amount of mental pressure on yourself to 'chase' (even if its just thoughts of longing) that ultimate dream, setting you up for more hurt when it doesn't happen.

Not to bring the mood down or anything!

[quiet]

konnor said:

I thought exactly the same as most of the comments here. Then the dream actually happened and reality gave me a kick up the butt a few months later.

I'm trying to 'unlearn' my thoughts and fantasties after all these years of seeing people with partners and desperately wanting it as it has made me compremise myself in search for a partner. I agree its a massive part of life, but making it your meaning for life to me puts a huge amount of mental pressure on yourself to 'chase' (even if its just thoughts of longing) that ultimate dream, setting you up for more hurt when it doesn't happen.

Not to bring the mood down or anything!

Nah, that's ok - You're not bringing me down.

I think I see your point. However considering sharing a bond for which there are no words with somebody to be the meaning of life for me is less a choice than self-observation. I find that, while doing stuff can be interesting, ultimately I don't care about any of it if I'm by myself at the end of the day. Furthermore, having felt that way about someone (that I'd do anything for her) I know it's possible for it to be like that. (She left me eventually but it was real.)

You're right that it causes me stress. But maybe it's "_meant to_" hurt. After all, if I'm to let loving someone mean anything to me, it must surely matter to me whether or not I find that love. I'd rather live like this than not care. I'd be selling out the day I stopped caring.

(my two-cents-worth)

[annaa]

quiet said:

konnor said:

I thought exactly the same as most of the comments here. Then the dream actually happened and reality gave me a kick up the butt a few months later.

I'm trying to 'unlearn' my thoughts and fantasties after all these years of seeing people with partners and desperately wanting it as it has made me compremise myself in search for a partner. I agree its a massive part of life, but making it your meaning for life to me puts a huge amount of mental pressure on yourself to 'chase' (even if its just thoughts of longing) that ultimate dream, setting you up for more hurt when it doesn't happen.

Not to bring the mood down or anything!

Nah, that's ok - You're not bringing me down.

I think I see your point. However considering sharing a bond for which there are no words with somebody to be the meaning of life for me is less a choice than self-observation. I find that, while doing stuff can be interesting, ultimately I don't care about any of it if I'm by myself at the end of the day. Furthermore, having felt that way about someone (that I'd do anything for her) I know it's possible for it to be like that. (She left me eventually but it was real.)

You're right that it causes me stress. But maybe it's "_meant to_" hurt. After all, if I'm to let loving someone mean anything to me, it must surely matter to me whether or not I find that love. I'd rather live like this than not care. I'd be selling out the day I stopped caring.

(my two-cents-worth)

Of course. I think it's meant to hurt too. It shows you feel passionately about it.
This applies to other situations too (not just relationships). As they say "No pain, No gain".