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Post by lennythegiant on Oct 12, 2007 13:56:47 GMT -5
I'm kind of curious about this one, although I probably already know the answer. If someone is living with their parents, is that a deal breaker almost all the time?
I'm kind of curious, because a friend kind of mine put an idea in my head that I could date if I wanted to, but if I'm still living with my parents I'm thinking I should just put that idea on the back burner like it was when I assumed I was too much of a socially inept misfit.
Shit, I have so much to do first. I've gotta get a job. But when I do have enough money...however much time down the line, I think an apartment would be good. But my mom insists that I save up money for a house instead of "being a renter the rest of my life". I tell her that when I can afford it I'd be happy just being on my own, even if I was a renter for a long time. Because I'm sick of being lonely, and I remember 5 years ago thinking it would be cool to have been in a relationship ever, and I don't want to be thinking the same thing 5 years from now.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Oct 12, 2007 16:34:13 GMT -5
I think the problem comes from that a person isn't seen as independent if they are still living at home well into their 20s. Lenny if you are still letting your mom tell you what to do, ie about saving for a house...that is sorta what I mean.
A person living on their own is in charge of themselves. They are making it in the world. From a traditional point of view, it means he can take care of a family.
A man still attached to his mom at the hip as in living there, she does his cooking and laundry and pretty much takes care of him doesn't allow much of a place for a woman to come into his life.
What female would want to be put 2nd cause the guy has to eat over at mom's 5 days a week and have her do his laundry at the age of 30 and lets his mom come along on the honeymoon because she insists. He should be putting his new family/wife first. It gets a bit creepy ya know.
That is why but you already knew that.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Oct 12, 2007 16:44:45 GMT -5
Except for when I was married, and maybe i should of then too, I have lived on my own since about the age of 18. There were a couple of times in the past year where I rented a room from people and that was a nightmare. I am sort of hard to live with and I find it hard to live with other people. I need some space at times to just think of nothing and have absolute quiet and I write about stuff. I'm fairly messy too. So a person would have to put up with my quiet depressive moods and mess.  |
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Post by skyhint on Oct 12, 2007 17:44:47 GMT -5
There is nothing wrong with your mom giving you advice but ultimately it is your money and you can do with it what ever you want. I think if you don't have a job, put your energy into getting one and then worry about girls, obviously.
But in general, I think living at home is no big deal if you are a student. I wouldn't date an unemployed mom's basement dweller, not again anyway. If the parents' house is a really convenient location and is not too small that there is no privacy and the parent and son have a good relationship. Then I would date some one living at home. Or, like the case with my bf, the parents are dual citizans who spend half their time out of the country and need to have someone take care of the house, then it is also OK to live at home.
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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Oct 12, 2007 18:18:57 GMT -5
Shit, I have so much to do first. I've gotta get a job. But when I do have enough money...however much time down the line, I think an apartment would be good. But my mom insists that I save up money for a house instead of "being a renter the rest of my life". I tell her that when I can afford it I'd be happy just being on my own, even if I was a renter for a long time. Because I'm sick of being lonely, and I remember 5 years ago thinking it would be cool to have been in a relationship ever, and I don't want to be thinking the same thing 5 years from now. Thats rather odd for your mom to insist you save for a house instead of an apartment, especially since you are only 22 years old. Its really silly that she says "a renter for the rest of your life" since you are ONLY 22 YEARS OLD!!!  Parents can be silly sometimes. There is plenty of time to think about getting a house in the future and with a house comes more responsibilities. The only thing you can do right now is look for a job so you can save up enough money to rent one day. You really shouldnt have to worry about looking for a house. Also, I don't think it would be weird if a guy still lives at home. If a guy is in his 20s and just starting out in life and in the working world, then its highly understandable because I am in the same part in my life. There are a variety of reason why people do not have their own places yet. They tell us out of college that it takes, on average, a year to get a job in your field or thereabouts, if you are lucky. You cannot work at retail and expect to afford your own apartment, especially depending where you are living. When average rent is 1200 dollars in some places, its difficult for a new graduate to afford that. If the guy is actively looking for work then I don't see any problem with that. If a girl has a problem with that then she doesn't really like you. I would see if you were in your 30s and still lived at home but you are not. So there  I do worry about that too as well but there is nothing I can do to help that. I live with my mom and if I am lucky I will be able to afford an apartment in the next two years. I am not "lucky" enough like some other people to have their parents pay rent for them. He is 22, not 30. And it doesn't seem like Lenny is the type of guy that would let his mom along on his honeymoon. Or a lot of other guys for that matter. There are "momma's boys" but then there are guys that are trying to get on their feet, become established in something so they can one day have enough money to go out on their own, which I think Lenny is doing. Exactly. If the guy (or girl) finds it a problem then they are not for you. The person should like you for you no matter what your living arrangements are. It would be really shallow if it is a deal breaker to people honestly. |
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Post by airburst on Oct 12, 2007 20:29:30 GMT -5
Living with your parents isn't a deal breaker. My cousin's been dating a guy for a few years and he's 27 and still lives at home. A friend of mine is 25; he has a really cute girlfriend and he still lives at home. I'm sure there a lot of other people who are in their 20's, still live at home and are in relationships.
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Post by saphron on Oct 12, 2007 21:48:09 GMT -5
I was worrying about living with my parents for a while but I feel like in this time in age, it seems like this country is set-up where you can't afford to live without parental support for a long time. My brother who is 26 still has to get money from mom at times because he still barely gets by.I could barely find anything to pay anything til this year but I quit the job that was helping pay stuff. I don't regret quiting though because the job was becoming ridiculous.
Haven't been in a relationship yet. Lately I've been getting hit on more in all my life, maybe something will happen sometime.
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Post by phoenixferret on Oct 12, 2007 22:47:39 GMT -5
They are making it in the world. From a traditional point of view, it means he can take care of a family. A man still attached to his mom at the hip as in living there, she does his cooking and laundry and pretty much takes care of him doesn't allow much of a place for a woman to come into his life. This is the 22nd century, now... Women today don't often enter into relationships with the expectation of "taking care of" their man. I would say that if that's what a guy is looking for in a relationship, he *should* be living with his mother because that's what he needs--a mommy. You're making the asusmption that a man who lives at home is a "momma's boy," but I think that is an entirely different set of issues. Plenty of momma's boys have their own places and get reeled back in for dinner or daily phone chats or whatever. I know someone like that--he often ends up calling home in the middle of a group evening out because he "has to" check in with his mom every single day, despite the fact that he spends most of his time living apart from his parents during the school year. On the other hand, I know another guy who lives with his parents and barely talks to them, let alone allow them to do his laundry, cook his food, or control his life. And I was going to say it earlier, but then I went for a nap and a concert and IA beat me to it: as a guy fresh out of college, it is definitely *not* unusual for you to be either unemployed or living with your parents. It would *impress* girls if you had a great career and were living in your own place, but at twenty-two, it's generally not expected. So that's why living at home is not a dealbreaker for me, personally. As long as a guy acts like an adult and not like a child, I don't see how it matters where he lives. In the twenties I wouldn't even bat an eyelash; in the thirties or above I would take it only as grounds for further investigation. However, there are certainly girls out there who think along the lines that Pnats does, Lenny--for some it *is* an automatic dealbreaker. I guess the first thing to decide is whether your living at home is ruling out the kind of girl you'd want to date. That may include a ton of the women who feel they can afford to be very particular, for instance--but there's a huge group in the middle full of women that aren't going to give a hoot about your living situation as long as they like you. I don't think you need to postpone dating until you've got it all together; I think there are definitely girls out there who'd consider a recent college grad datable. I also suspect that if you avoid dating now on the basis of not being well-established enough, you'll return here in a few years wishing that you'd built up a base of experience when you were younger. It'd just be another reason why you supposedly shouldn't date. |
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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Oct 13, 2007 0:15:09 GMT -5
 ;D |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 13, 2007 0:20:38 GMT -5
If someone is living with their parents, is that a deal breaker almost all the time? not always. for some it is, for some it isn't. since you've just graduated from college, i don't think it's anything to worry about. |
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Post by MrNice on Oct 13, 2007 0:31:10 GMT -5
a deal breaker for what? at which point in your imaginary relationship are you afraid this would be a deal breaker?
it CAN be a deal breaker - and the way you are asking this question it probably is. If living at home defines you as a person thats bad. Its your insecurity thats the problem - not the fact that you happen to live at home. There is always something - I am a virgin, I don't have a car, I am still living at home, I don't have experience - these are only insecurities - the facts themselves are usually not a problem.
And if you want to wait until you have a job and out of your house - thats fine as long as you have things planned out for when and how this will happen and not just wishful thinking such as 'some day when I ...'
as far as your mother's advice - you haven't even rented for a day - and she is trying to scare you about being a renter for the rest of your life. Nonsense. It is important for you to establish yourself independently. And while SOME people can accomplish this while still living with their parents, I think most need to get the hell out first.
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Post by lennythegiant on Oct 14, 2007 14:17:42 GMT -5
I don't think you need to postpone dating until you've got it all together; I think there are definitely girls out there who'd consider a recent college grad datable. I also suspect that if you avoid dating now on the basis of not being well-established enough, you'll return here in a few years wishing that you'd built up a base of experience when you were younger. It'd just be another reason why you supposedly shouldn't date.
I guess I'm getting a little anxious on the whole dating subject because there is already years of experience that I'm lacking. I missed out on the whole "awkward high school dating experience" thing because of insecurity...and lack of car. Now I have the car...and that's about it.
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Post by skyhint on Oct 14, 2007 14:28:47 GMT -5
This is the 22nd century, now... It's the what century? (although I agree with everything else you say) |
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Post by annaa on Oct 14, 2007 17:25:06 GMT -5
;D Hehe - very amusing! ;D ;D *Please note the lack of 'lol' |
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Post by phoenixferret on Oct 15, 2007 2:11:27 GMT -5
This is the 22nd century, now... It's the what century? (although I agree with everything else you say) Hahaha!! I won't even bother to explain what was going on in my head with that ridiculous error. ;D Omg, I'm going to stop using numbers altogether. ;D I am an idiot with numbers. I forgot my boyfriend's *age* a couple of weeks ago. Not his birthday... his age, lol. I mean, I *knew* it, but I just wasn't thinking. That kind of thing happens to me a LOT. I beg you all not to make fun of me too much for it--my family takes care of that, lol. I don't think you need to postpone dating until you've got it all together; I think there are definitely girls out there who'd consider a recent college grad datable. I also suspect that if you avoid dating now on the basis of not being well-established enough, you'll return here in a few years wishing that you'd built up a base of experience when you were younger. It'd just be another reason why you supposedly shouldn't date.I guess I'm getting a little anxious on the whole dating subject because there is already years of experience that I'm lacking. I missed out on the whole "awkward high school dating experience" thing because of insecurity...and lack of car. Now I have the car...and that's about it. That's what I'm talking about--you've already built insecurities on this idea that you "should have" done this or that, and if you wait any longer on any pretext, it's not going to get easier--it's going to get worse. A lot of people don't date in high school, in my experience at least, and not just the really shy ones. It really doesn't matter. If you want to get into a relationship, then go for it. Go for the girls who won't rule you out because you don't fit a specific ideal, and try not to worry about the ones that do. |
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Parents can be silly sometimes. There is plenty of time to think about getting a house in the future and with a house comes more responsibilities. The only thing you can do right now is look for a job so you can save up enough money to rent one day. You really shouldnt have to worry about looking for a house. 
