Approaching new people and Icebreakers

[jdr3am3r]

Okay guys and gals, this is my dilemma. I see so many cute girls in passing by (train, coffee shops, everywhere in school) and I would like to approach them to start a conversation and potentially get a date. But, as most of you can obviously relate, I cannot find the nerve and push myself. I simply don't know what to say. I visualize me simply saying Hi or How's it going and getting a strange look and being shot down, or a quick response that leads to a brush off. I know, I know, a bad visualization that needs to be worked on, but the root of the problem is that I just need to be comfortable with INITIATING and MAINTAINING a conversation.

Like many of you, I over think it and fear rejection. I fear "what they will surely think of me". You know, the normal though of being perceived as weird, creepy, awkward, and so forth. Again, another thing I need to work on but just can't seem to get rid of.

Ok, so that's the background, now back to my original question...how do you approach a girl/guy you like whom you have never spoken to? I think if we can get some ideas flowing on this, it would be helpful to many people here who want to push themselves to start talking to "strangers"

Some ideas/questions:

Do pickup lines work? I know there is an abundance so hard to say, but in general... I've heard they can be so cheesey they can get a laugh and start conversation. But is this possible when you're shy? I don't know if I could use a cheesey line... But if you all have thoughts on this or success stories let me know...

Finding something to comment on (I see that you're reading XYZ...that's a good book, or whatever). The problem is it's hard to find something to comment on and it takes creativity. Meanwhile you don't want to stop and stare and think about it too long.

Or the simple Hi or How are you? But does this work? Is it acceptable for a stranger just to say Hi and does that start a good conversation? I always imagine getting brushed off with this approach.

I also contemplated asking "Do I know you, you look familiar", even though I do not. Scandalous, most likely. But my thought was I could at least get a name, and what she does or what her major is, and so forth to conclude, "oh I must have mistaken you, but we should have coffee sometime". lol. But then I imagine that backfiring as my endeavor to start a conversation on an innocent but false premise of a past acquaintance would be all to obvious.

Ahhhh this is frustrating. I feel like I pass so many opportunities everyday. Approaching people is so hard. And being shy, I feel like I need a game plan to make things flow at least some what smoothly. Ok, sorry for the long rant, just had to get this off my chest and my thoughts out there and figured what better place than here.

Any thoughts, comments, suggestions, stories, related to the mystery of breaking the ice would be greatly appreciated not only by me, but also other poor saps like me that want to start taking chances and hopefully dating. ;D

[Sweet Pea]

jdr3am3r said:

Or the simple Hi or How are you? But does this work? Is it acceptable for a stranger just to say Hi and does that start a good conversation? I always imagine getting brushed off with this approach.

I also contemplated asking "Do I know you...

i actually did have someone say that to me once, but it came across like he thought i was crazy for talking to him. however, in most cases i have found it's perfectly fine to strike up a conversation with a stranger in a straightforward manner.

[sullivan]

I'm not the best guy to ask, because I would never approach a stranger outside of a bar or party. But I think you really should come up with some material, because even if you successfully initiate a conversation, the next obstacle is taking that conversation somewhere.

Maybe you could try to work in stages: first get used to initiating convo's. Once you are comfortable with that, work on developing conversation material that you can use to lead the convo where you want it to go.

[skyhint]

I prefer the build up method: day one is a smile, day two is smile and a little wave, day three is a hi, and... well I never usually progress from there. But if you were motivated to you could.

[Sweet Pea]

skyhint said:

I prefer the build up method: day one is a smile, day two is smile and a little wave, day three is a hi, and... well I never usually progress from there. But if you were motivated to you could.

whattaya mean you never progress from there? i thought you had a bf?

[audioalone]

I'm better at talking to people if I can do it without it being part of an assignment, like in the life skills classes I took in the early 90s. I absolutely hated the ice-breakers we always had at the beginning of the class.

I find it harder talking to people I KNOW - after we've had a disagreement or a "falling out" etc. , rather than just talking to people I don't have a relationship with/haven't met before, etc.