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Post by shay205 on Dec 27, 2007 22:54:49 GMT -5
ok i have a friend (and no not me)..ok i jus wanna know wat u all think of her..ok she is 23 about to turn 24 next month and i dont think she has been with many guys on real dates or had many boyfriends ( like 3 )before except for like one guy..she is very attractive by the way and many people tell her that..i think she has been sexually involved and intimate with a couple of guys but not really "gone all the way" in having sex she has been unlucky in love a few times and never really had a stable relationship (not by choice)...she says anyone can have sex so it seems like nothin to her she prefers i guess sharing her feelings and being close with someone and being connected on all levels and not jus sex..she tells me all the time how she feels because she is not really inot sex like the average person but she does fantasize about it and being married but she still feels asexual for some reason..she is also not into or aroused by the traditional and romantic things that couples do like "cooking for each other" candlelight dinners buying gifts,etc...she used to want kids but now she says she cant stand them and may even have 1 later on in life..she also says how she is not an affectionate person and kiss kiss type and never was...she says she struggles wit this because she wants to please her future husband one day and worries this may be a problem..(oh i forgot to mention she has a degree in psychology and goin to grad school)...if that plays a role in you all perceptions of her..but anyways i wanna know what you all think about this situation ? is it normal?
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Post by MrNice on Dec 27, 2007 23:11:40 GMT -5
what is the situation?
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Post by Richard Cunningham on Dec 28, 2007 0:04:49 GMT -5
She sounds like a 23 year old female, not oversexed who is not interested in family at this stage but may later on and is not much of a romantic.
Is it normal?
Is what normal?
What do you mean by "it"?
Define "it" for us.
Is "it" a tail?
Why are you gossiping about a friend to strangers like she is circus freak?
And if people here say "it" is not normal, then what?
Will you feel better? Superior?
What business is it of yours or ours how she lives her life?
She's not a murderer, child abuser or a ho-dog so she's not doing anything wrong.
She's not a fu...etc etc, you get the point.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 28, 2007 1:08:07 GMT -5
some people are just content to wait until someone comes along they have feelings for to get really sexually involved. and not everyone has an interest in romance, so i wouldn't consider that 'abnormal'. she may be thinking she is 'asexual' because she's comparing herself to people who are obsessed with sex, or seem to be. the popular media stress sexuality a great deal, so it's easy to get the impression that's all people think about. but actually most relationships have a pattern of more sex in the beginning, then settling into a pattern of less later. the practical aspects of life do require your energy and attention a lot of the time. it also sounds like she has goals and doesn't want to take on the responsibility of a sexual relationship at this time. if she wants to please her future husband, i'm sure she will. there's a good deal of difference between sex with someone for the sake of sex, and sex with someone you love. for some people, there's alot more motivation in the latter case.
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Post by phoenixferret on Dec 28, 2007 10:47:39 GMT -5
Why are you gossiping about a friend to strangers like she is circus freak? And if people here say "it" is not normal, then what? Will you feel better? Superior? What business is it of yours or ours how she lives her life? She's not a murderer, child abuser or a ho-dog so she's not doing anything wrong. I second that.  I can't imagine how her sex life affects you in the slightest. If you're disturbed by the way she lives her life for whatever reason, you're perfectly welcome to end the friendship--you'd probably be doing her a favor, since apparently everything she tells you in confidence just gets filed away as evidence of... what? That she's human? That she's not a carbon copy of you or of popular archetypes? What "situation" is there to speak of? How about you give us your entire sexual history and every embarrassing secret thought about sex or relationships that you've ever entertained or admitted to a trusted companion, and we'll compare you and your friend. |
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Post by naganuma on Dec 28, 2007 14:49:15 GMT -5
there is no problem. there is no "situation". and if its normal or not is irrelevant.
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Post by Kitten on Dec 28, 2007 16:41:46 GMT -5
Sounds like she's just not as romantic/sexual as others. No problem there, if that's the way she feels. It's something that she needs to figure out for herself.
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Post by carboncopy on Dec 31, 2007 1:51:51 GMT -5
She is spoiled by the fact that there is a lot of sexual energy directed her way from eager men. Things that are easy to get depreciate in value hence it's so easy for attractive women to feign disinterest in sex. She will change her ways as soon as some wrinkles appear on her previously swan-like neck. That's a (relatively) long time to wait though and she will be less than desirable at that point.
If you want to have sex with that girl then you basically just need to be assertive with her. Don't try to play a sensitive guy even if you are one. I was in love with a girl for 4 years thinking of her as some goddess (funny how your brain plays tricks on you). Needless to say it got me nothing but contempt. Funny thing is that if you treat a girl like a princess, you get treated like a slave, yet if you consider her a chair then you're invited to sit as long as you like regardless of anything else.
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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Dec 31, 2007 2:04:18 GMT -5
She is spoiled by the fact that there is a lot of sexual energy directed her way from eager men. Things that are easy to get depreciate in value hence it's so easy for attractive women to feign disinterest in sex. She will change her ways as soon as some wrinkles appear on her previously swan-like neck. That's a (relatively) long time to wait though and she will be less than desirable at that point. If you want to have sex with that girl then you basically just need to be assertive with her. Don't try to play a sensitive guy even if you are one. I was in love with a girl for 4 years thinking of her as some goddess (funny how your brain plays tricks on you). Needless to say it got me nothing but contempt. Funny thing is that if you treat a girl like a princess, you get treated like a slave, yet if you consider her a chair then you're invited to sit as long as you like regardless of anything else. Her priorities lie elsewhere. It also sounds she is just not that into him. He can be assertive as he wants to...but in the end, if she is not into him then there is nothing else he can do for her to change her mind. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 31, 2007 2:15:58 GMT -5
...yet if you consider her a chair then you're invited to sit as long as you like regardless of anything else. you have a very ugly mind. |
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Post by carboncopy on Dec 31, 2007 2:30:29 GMT -5
Really?? Now that I browse it again it seems to me that you might've read into my post even more than I intended to put into it. Who's mind is dirty now ;D? I thought that it was quite a nifty parabole to reality... I have to admit though that I partially stole it from a great writer.
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Post by carboncopy on Dec 31, 2007 2:33:20 GMT -5
Her priorities lie elsewhere. It also sounds she is just not that into him. He can be assertive as he wants to...but in the end, if she is not into him then there is nothing else he can do for her to change her mind. I know her priorities lie elsewhere and I was trying to explain why that is. Rich people very often state that money can't buy happiness. |
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Post by phoenixferret on Dec 31, 2007 2:47:55 GMT -5
If you want to have sex with that girl then you basically just need to be assertive with her. Don't try to play a sensitive guy even if you are one. I was in love with a girl for 4 years thinking of her as some goddess (funny how your brain plays tricks on you). Needless to say it got me nothing but contempt. Ewww. If you chased her around for four years in the face of her contempt, and at the end of it she was still allowing you within a fifteen foot radius, consider that a success. ;D Hahaha, yeah--because if as charming and delightful a fellow as yourself can't get the girl, what hope is there for anyone else? ;D |
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Post by carboncopy on Dec 31, 2007 3:00:26 GMT -5
Ewww. If you chased her around for four years in the face of her contempt, and at the end of it she was still allowing you within a fifteen foot radius, consider that a success. ;D I don't consider it a success, but it is a life lesson. Why would you judge harshly someone who was genuinely in love and could not see past his own stupidity? Hahaha, yeah--because if as charming and delightful a fellow as yourself can't get the girl, what hope is there for anyone else? ;D [/quote] Well, I am dating someone now so I am not entirely hopeless. In order to do it however I needed to revisit my natural inclination for romanticism. Out of necessity I became cynical and goal oriented. I am just not sure where to find all those romantic girls that, as Hollywood is telling me, melt when faced with males displaying some basic human emotions. |
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Post by MrNice on Dec 31, 2007 8:15:35 GMT -5
thats not true
she will enjoy sex and romance just fine when the 'right' guy comes along, someone who will stir things up a bit
she just can't imagine cooking being fun with some boring nice guy, thats all
in the end - no there is nothing he can do - but there is alot that can be done in the beginning.
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I can't imagine how her sex life affects you in the slightest. If you're disturbed by the way she lives her life for whatever reason, you're perfectly welcome to end the friendship--you'd probably be doing her a favor, since apparently everything she tells you in confidence just gets filed away as evidence of... what? That she's human? That she's not a carbon copy of you or of popular archetypes? 