how can i meet a woman

[theinfiniteabyss84]

It comes from everyday observation.

Who are you observing exactly? Do you observe that many people to make that statement?

In today's society, women can have preferences and be choosy. Most men have to take anything that comes their way and doesn't run away screaming. When it comes to shy men it becomes almost grotesque - all they want is a plain looking, plain acting, not-monstrously obese woman who accepts them. Uniformly they can't even find that. It seems that attraction, at least in women, is not that variable

I can't even imagine how to begin to respond to that comment.

[lennythegiant]

lsdima said:

just take a look at the lenny situation - why does he think lack of a job and living at home is a problem - because of what women will think about him, instead of just treating it as an inconveniece, albeit a big one.

Well, the lack of a job is a problem not just because of what women will think of me, but what people in general will think of me too. Of course the opinions of the ladies concerns me slightly more...but it's also a confidence thing. I'll feel better about myself knowing I'm making some kind of contribution somewhere, and that in turn makes me feel better about myself overall, which can only help me whenever my next opportunity to approach women is.

Not to mention the whole making money thing. Really though, I don't have any resentment for feeling that I need a job before I have any chance of getting a gf. Really it makes sense if I want to come off as a more well rounded individual.

[Sweet Pea]

yeah, lenny...it's a lot easier to find someone who likes you than it is to find one who likes you AND is interested in supporting you. that goes for both sexes nowadays. it only makes you more attractive when you're self-supporting.

as for the rest of the thread, geezuz people...it's 2008 AD not BC...can we please drag our minds into the present millenia? regardless of what my prehistoric forebears looked for in a mate, i'm not interested in a caveman type. if a man isn't gentle, considerate, intelligent and somewhat enlightened...what is the point of trying to have a relationship with him? we would have nothing in common whatsover. the genes don't have the final say. we have higher cognitive powers now, and we should use 'em.

[lennythegiant]

sweetpea said:

yeah, lenny...it's a lot easier to find someone who likes you than it is to find one who likes you AND is interested in supporting you. that goes for both sexes nowadays. it only makes you more attractive when you're self-supporting.

as for the rest of the thread, geezuz people...it's 2008 AD not BC...can we please drag our minds into the present millenia? regardless of what my prehistoric forebears looked for in a mate, i'm not interested in a caveman type. if a man isn't gentle, considerate, intelligent and somewhat enlightened...what is the point of trying to have a relationship with him? we would have nothing in common whatsover. the genes don't have the final say. we have higher cognitive powers now, and we should use 'em.

I wouldn't want her to support me either. I may not be the most confident person in the world, but I have enough pride to want to support myself when the time comes.

You said what I was tempted to. ;D Yes, there used to be biological reasons for seeking alpha males and so on, and I'm sure animals still mate under survival of the fittest mentality. But the human race is at a point where we're advanced enough to have a more diverse set of reasons for liking one another, and while these reasons can be common among much of the population, they can still vary by the individual.

[carboncopy]

sweetpea said:

as for the rest of the thread, geezuz people...it's 2008 AD not BC...can we please drag our minds into the present millenia? regardless of what my prehistoric forebears looked for in a mate, i'm not interested in a caveman type.

We are physically identical to people who dwelled in caves so it's still relevant.

sweetpea said:

if a man isn't gentle, considerate, intelligent and somewhat enlightened...what is the point of trying to have a relationship with him? we would have nothing in common whatsover. the genes don't have the final say. we have higher cognitive powers now, and we should use 'em.

I agree with the last sentence. The problem is that as of right now there is much to be desired in that regard. When it comes to relationships we are still largely instinctual. Women seek out promiscuous alpha males, men... well they just desperately try to seek out women.

[carboncopy]

lennythegiant said:

But the human race is at a point where we're advanced enough to have a more diverse set of reasons for liking one another, and while these reasons can be common among much of the population, they can still vary by the individual.

There is an exception to every rule, but the rarity of exceptions only serves to reinforce the general trend and viability of the rules. I am certain there are women who go by logic when selecting whom they enter relationships with, but it's much less frequent then generally believed.

You have some serious disappointments to go through once you actually attempt to initiate contact with girls. I will make a bold prediction and say that unless you have a significant social network to vouch for you (some well adjusted men and better yet - women), virtually no girl will give you the time of day.

[Sweet Pea]

carboncopy said:

sweetpea said:

as for the rest of the thread, geezuz people...it's 2008 AD not BC...can we please drag our minds into the present millenia? regardless of what my prehistoric forebears looked for in a mate, i'm not interested in a caveman type.

We are physically identical to people who dwelled in caves so it's still relevant.

sweetpea said:

if a man isn't gentle, considerate, intelligent and somewhat enlightened...what is the point of trying to have a relationship with him? we would have nothing in common whatsover. the genes don't have the final say. we have higher cognitive powers now, and we should use 'em.

I agree with the last sentence. The problem is that as of right now there is much to be desired in that regard. When it comes to relationships we are still largely instinctual. Women seek out promiscuous alpha males, men... well they just desperately try to seek out women.

no, it isn't. none of this is relevant to anything except your desire to believe it. when men get hung up on this sorta crap, it is obviously an effort to explain away their perceived 'failures' to bag the 'hot chicks' they want. you're not fooling anybody. you can blather on in vaulted tones with pseudo-intellectual hogwash all you want, but we can see you're pissed at the women who have rejected you...or more likely never knew you were even interested because you never expressed interest...so you run around posting thinly veiled insults towards women in general to relieve your self-imposed stress. you could stand to do better for yourself than this by improving your attitude. this finger pointing and blaming is childish. grow up.

[Sweet Pea]

carboncopy said:

lennythegiant said:

But the human race is at a point where we're advanced enough to have a more diverse set of reasons for liking one another, and while these reasons can be common among much of the population, they can still vary by the individual.

There is an exception to every rule, but the rarity of exceptions only serves to reinforce the general trend and viability of the rules. I am certain there are women who go by logic when selecting whom they enter relationships with, but it's much less frequent then generally believed.

You have some serious disappointments to go through once you actually attempt to initiate contact with girls. I will make a bold prediction and say that unless you have a significant social network to vouch for you (some well adjusted men and better yet - women), virtually no girl will give you the time of day.

in other words, lenny...don't even THINK you are capable of navigating the romantic world any better than he can. that's just IMPOSSIBLE.

what a jerk.

[phoenixferret]

sweetpea said:

carboncopy said:

We are physically identical to people who dwelled in caves so it's still relevant.



I agree with the last sentence. The problem is that as of right now there is much to be desired in that regard. When it comes to relationships we are still largely instinctual. Women seek out promiscuous alpha males, men... well they just desperately try to seek out women.

no, it isn't. none of this is relevant to anything except your desire to believe it. when men get hung up on this sorta crap, it is obviously an effort to explain away their perceived 'failures' to bag the 'hot chicks' they want. you're not fooling anybody. you can blather on in vaulted tones with pseudo-intellectual hogwash all you want, but we can see you're pissed at the women who have rejected you...or more likely never knew you were even interested because you never expressed interest...so you run around posting thinly veiled insults towards women in general to relieve your self-imposed stress. you could stand to do better for yourself than this by improving your attitude. this finger pointing and blaming is childish. grow up.

Bingo!

I was going to go into a huge long thing, explaining what he fails to understand about evolution and working my way up to why he is oh so very wrong no matter how he tries to explain it... but you know, sometimes short and sweet just says it so much better. ;D

[lennythegiant]

carboncopy said:

lennythegiant said:

But the human race is at a point where we're advanced enough to have a more diverse set of reasons for liking one another, and while these reasons can be common among much of the population, they can still vary by the individual.

There is an exception to every rule, but the rarity of exceptions only serves to reinforce the general trend and viability of the rules. I am certain there are women who go by logic when selecting whom they enter relationships with, but it's much less frequent then generally believed.

You have some serious disappointments to go through once you actually attempt to initiate contact with girls. I will make a bold prediction and say that unless you have a significant social network to vouch for you (some well adjusted men and better yet - women), virtually no girl will give you the time of day.

Thanks for the vote of confidence!

I think I'm mentally prepared for rejection at this point, since I've had it happen to me before, and I'm sure it will happen again too. But everyone has to face rejection at some point in their lives. In sending my resume to various places I'm facing it a lot right now. It's not about failing or how often you fail, it's about learning from failure and not allowing yourself to stay down.

We are physically identical to people who dwelled in caves so it's still relevant.

But mentally and emotionally people are now a hell of a lot different.

[carboncopy]

sweetpea said:

no, it isn't. none of this is relevant to anything except your desire to believe it. when men get hung up on this sorta crap, it is obviously an effort to explain away their perceived 'failures' to bag the 'hot chicks' they want.

Most men, and especially shy men, are prefectly willing to enter relationships with the plainest of women. It's funny that all women deny that so vehemently even though most of them get asked out on dates several times a day while in public.

sweetpea said:

you're not fooling anybody. you can blather on in vaulted tones with pseudo-intellectual hogwash all you want, but we can see you're pissed at the women who have rejected you...or more likely never knew you were even interested because you never expressed interest...so you run around posting thinly veiled insults towards women in general to relieve your self-imposed stress.

Those remarks missed the target by about a nautical mile. I am not trying to insult women. I am posting this neither for women's benefit nor grief (if anything it could be beneficial). This is directed to all those guys who come here looking for relationship advice and what they get is "just be yourself" and pats on the back. All that accomplishes is they keep coming here for months or years still in the same uneviable position.

To comment briefly on your personal attack - I've been rejected by many women and in some cases it was because I wasn't savvy enough, but on many occasions I just wasn't given a chance. I have no problem expressing interest at this point. In fact I am casually dating someone although it's nowhere near a satisfying relationship.

sweetpea said:

you could stand to do better for yourself than this by improving your attitude. this finger pointing and blaming is childish. grow up.

My attitude is fine and my ideas are propably more conservative then most peoples perceptions. They just don't articulate them publicly. The way I see it though, this is a good place to do it because majority of shy people don't read social clues very well so it's best to lay it out on the table. I know that I've always been looking for no nonsense advice and it wasn't easy to find.

[Sweet Pea]

carboncopy said:

My attitude is fine and my ideas are propably more conservative then most peoples perceptions. They just don't articulate them publicly. The way I see it though, this is a good place to do it because majority of shy people don't read social clues very well so it's best to lay it out on the table. I know that I've always been looking for no nonsense advice and it wasn't easy to find.

no, this is NOT a good place for what you're dishing out.

[carboncopy]

sweetpea said:

in other words, lenny...don't even THINK you are capable of navigating the romantic world any better than he can. that's just IMPOSSIBLE.

what a jerk.

I wish him all the best, but numbers are heavily stacked against shy men. It's better to come prepared.

The best that can happen is he goes on to become successful with women without any issues whatsoever. I want to see that happen because it would be at least an indication of some positive change taking place. Not holding my breath though and not, as you insinuate, because I don't think he's capable. It's because women will not give him a chance due to circumstances.

[Sweet Pea]

carboncopy said:

sweetpea said:

in other words, lenny...don't even THINK you are capable of navigating the romantic world any better than he can. that's just IMPOSSIBLE.

what a jerk.

I wish him all the best, but numbers are heavily stacked against shy men. It's better to come prepared.

The best that can happen is he goes on to become successful with women without any issues whatsoever. I want to see that happen because it would be at least an indication of some positive change taking place. Not holding my breath though and not, as you insinuate, because I don't think he's capable. It's because women will not give him a chance due to circumstances.

this is a support forum. we offer friendship and support here. predicting failure is not generally considered to be supportive. not real encouraging, and not our style here at SU. you'd do better to hand out your 'advice' on a seduction forum. there's no reason why every freakin forum on the internet has to be overrun with seduction advice. there's no reason why one little corner of the internet can't be a place for shy people to simply be friends and support each other regardless of gender. please just take it somewhere else.

[theinfiniteabyss84]

The way I see it right now, I think Lenny is going to do just fine


And CC, you didn't answer my question...but I expected that.