Post by deadendphilosopher on Feb 16, 2008 16:51:50 GMT -5
There is this guy at my college who friended me on facebook about a year ago, who I didn't know beforehand. On Valentine's Day (last year) he sent me a message that said "Happy Valentines Day" and I was intrigued so I replied, "Thank you, have we met?" and he said we hadn't been formally introduced, but that he saw me in the cafeteria every day. So I assumed he was interested in me romantically.
He introduced himself a few days later and we continued to message back and forth on facebook. I was interested in getting to know him, but I wasn't sure if I was romantically interested. The whole thing felt really weird though, because we barely communicated in person. At one point (on facebook) he said we should get together, but I was really nervous so that didn't happen. Then a little while later his facebook account showed him to be in a relationship with someone, so I got very confused. At one point during this time, he showed up at my dorm with two friends, one of whom knocked on my door and said that he wanted to talk to me. I looked out in the hall, and saw him trying to run away while his other friend pushed him toward me! We talked for a couple of minutes, and then he said, "I'll leave you alone now" and as they were leaving one of his friends said they were going to a party and that I should come. I wound up going to my friend's dorm instead, but I later found out that he called my room phone a couple times after the party, but hung up when my roommate answered. So I thought it was pretty clear that he liked me.
I finally sent him a message telling him that I was under the impression that he was interested in me, but that I saw he was in a relationship with someone. He wound up calling me that night, and he explained that he only wanted to be friends with me. He acted like it was unreasonable (though very politely) that I thought he was looking for more. I tried to explain myself, but I was too taken aback to really persist, and I let it go and we wound up chatting for 20 minutes.
By this point I was very confused. I decided that I was not romantically interested in him, and I didn't really trust that he just wanted to be friends, but he had a girlfriend, so that didn't seem like a good reason to break off contact. Plus I wanted more friends, and he was very nice and seemed like someone I could be friends with, so I continued messaging him on facebook. At the same time though I felt very worried and guilty, because I didn't want to lead him on if he was looking for more than friendship. He called me a couple more times, but I avoided some of his calls because I was afraid to talk to him due to my shyness and the ambiguity of the situation. I did talk to him on the phone a couple more times though, and once he sat with my friend and me at lunch. He wanted to get together, but I didn't feel ready for that and made excuses. Basically I handled the situation really terribly, and I still feel bad about that.
We continued messaging on facebook all summer, and also during last semester (though I was in Europe). I felt like the situation had gotten out of hand, it didn't seem healthy, so I wanted it to change or end. I didn't want to lead him on, but I did want to be friends. As a result when I came back to school this semester, I think I sent him some very mixed messages. We hung out once, which was fun, but then afterwards he sent me a message AND called me to thank me for my time! I didn't know what to think of that. I just responded that I had fun. He said that if I wanted to hang out again I should just tell him when. But I think he was getting confused by the mixed messages I was sending him, which made me feel really bad (for instance I would take a long time to respond to his messages, because I didn't want to give to give him the idea that I was thinking about him a lot.) He finally sent me a message saying that I did not have to talk to him if I didn't want to, but if I did, I should just tell him when and we could make a time. I responded to this by saying I wanted to be friends, however I was confused by what made him decide he wanted to be friends with me, and that that made me nervous. He sent me a message back saying, He didn't know why either, that he was sorry to make me nervous, and that we could talk about that the next time we met. I replied by saying it would be good to talk about that if he wanted to meet sometime, and he has not replied to that message (I sent it about a week ago.)
I assume this means he has gotten the message that I'm not interested in him. I know this is a good thing, but I have been feeling regretful that I lost the opportunity to get to know him as a friend. I did like what I knew of his personality, and it feels really weird to have suddenly stopped contact with him. I don't know if he is angry at me because I handled the situation so badly. I think it is probably best to leave things alone now, for both of our sakes, but part of me wants to attempt to be friends with him (assuming I could make it clear that is all I want). I keep having doubts and thinking maybe he really did just want to be friends, as he does have a girlfriend. The situation is just really confusing. I would appreciate any advice or insights! Thank you.
He introduced himself a few days later and we continued to message back and forth on facebook. I was interested in getting to know him, but I wasn't sure if I was romantically interested. The whole thing felt really weird though, because we barely communicated in person. At one point (on facebook) he said we should get together, but I was really nervous so that didn't happen. Then a little while later his facebook account showed him to be in a relationship with someone, so I got very confused. At one point during this time, he showed up at my dorm with two friends, one of whom knocked on my door and said that he wanted to talk to me. I looked out in the hall, and saw him trying to run away while his other friend pushed him toward me! We talked for a couple of minutes, and then he said, "I'll leave you alone now" and as they were leaving one of his friends said they were going to a party and that I should come. I wound up going to my friend's dorm instead, but I later found out that he called my room phone a couple times after the party, but hung up when my roommate answered. So I thought it was pretty clear that he liked me.
I finally sent him a message telling him that I was under the impression that he was interested in me, but that I saw he was in a relationship with someone. He wound up calling me that night, and he explained that he only wanted to be friends with me. He acted like it was unreasonable (though very politely) that I thought he was looking for more. I tried to explain myself, but I was too taken aback to really persist, and I let it go and we wound up chatting for 20 minutes.
By this point I was very confused. I decided that I was not romantically interested in him, and I didn't really trust that he just wanted to be friends, but he had a girlfriend, so that didn't seem like a good reason to break off contact. Plus I wanted more friends, and he was very nice and seemed like someone I could be friends with, so I continued messaging him on facebook. At the same time though I felt very worried and guilty, because I didn't want to lead him on if he was looking for more than friendship. He called me a couple more times, but I avoided some of his calls because I was afraid to talk to him due to my shyness and the ambiguity of the situation. I did talk to him on the phone a couple more times though, and once he sat with my friend and me at lunch. He wanted to get together, but I didn't feel ready for that and made excuses. Basically I handled the situation really terribly, and I still feel bad about that.
We continued messaging on facebook all summer, and also during last semester (though I was in Europe). I felt like the situation had gotten out of hand, it didn't seem healthy, so I wanted it to change or end. I didn't want to lead him on, but I did want to be friends. As a result when I came back to school this semester, I think I sent him some very mixed messages. We hung out once, which was fun, but then afterwards he sent me a message AND called me to thank me for my time! I didn't know what to think of that. I just responded that I had fun. He said that if I wanted to hang out again I should just tell him when. But I think he was getting confused by the mixed messages I was sending him, which made me feel really bad (for instance I would take a long time to respond to his messages, because I didn't want to give to give him the idea that I was thinking about him a lot.) He finally sent me a message saying that I did not have to talk to him if I didn't want to, but if I did, I should just tell him when and we could make a time. I responded to this by saying I wanted to be friends, however I was confused by what made him decide he wanted to be friends with me, and that that made me nervous. He sent me a message back saying, He didn't know why either, that he was sorry to make me nervous, and that we could talk about that the next time we met. I replied by saying it would be good to talk about that if he wanted to meet sometime, and he has not replied to that message (I sent it about a week ago.)
I assume this means he has gotten the message that I'm not interested in him. I know this is a good thing, but I have been feeling regretful that I lost the opportunity to get to know him as a friend. I did like what I knew of his personality, and it feels really weird to have suddenly stopped contact with him. I don't know if he is angry at me because I handled the situation so badly. I think it is probably best to leave things alone now, for both of our sakes, but part of me wants to attempt to be friends with him (assuming I could make it clear that is all I want). I keep having doubts and thinking maybe he really did just want to be friends, as he does have a girlfriend. The situation is just really confusing. I would appreciate any advice or insights! Thank you.
