how do i get a shy girl to open up?

[shyman5263]

for weeks now this girl and I have been flirting(not really verbal, but more of playful physical flirting). I asked her to go to the dance with me and she accepted. So we went to the dance together, but she spent more time dancing with her best friend than me (i blame myself for this one). she did dance with me though but it just seemed like she was too nervous to spend the whole time with me. The reason i know this is because its the same exact thing i do when i'm nervous (spend more time with my friends rather than my date).

So i was texting her saturday and i told her that i hoped to get to know her better. she said she was sorry and then i told her it was ok because i had a great time anyway. I then said she was a great dancer which led what i thought was going to be an interesting conversation, but she said i couldn't text her much because it costs her money since i don't have a verizon cell phone. so i offered to call her, but then she said that she was at her friends house so i would have to call some other time. i asked if she was available sunday but she didn't know so we agreed to have her call me (not such a great idea after all...).

now its monday and she still hasn't called. should i call her? and how do i get to the point where she can feel comfortable talking to me(so i don't have to start the conversation every time)?

i have an idea for another date which is a 'skateathon' where we go and ice skate for 3 hours straight in order to raise money for charity. what do you think?

I think this date (if she accepts) will be muh better since her friends won't be there. it will be especially interesting if she doesn't know how to skate...

[annaa]

First of all, don't take her not calling you too personally (yet). You've said yourself she's shy, so it might be difficult. I think you should wait until tomorrow and then give her another call... you don't want to seem like you're badgering her.

The ice skating date sounds fun but I wouldn't go for it just yet, otherwise the one-on-one situation could scare her off. She might just want to get to know you gradually.

I think the very fact that she had her friends there at the dance was good for her. It gave her an excuse to take a break if she was uncomfortable, and if anything she had her friends to get advice from. Can you organise a double date maybe? Or find another situation where it won't just be you and her?

*And if I can add a non-sensible suggestion... give her wine - lots and lots of wine.

[Sweet Pea]

you know, this kinda thing can take a lot of patience. i know a shy girl in her teens irl who has self-esteem issues, and she needed a lot of help the other day to get out the door on a date with a guy she really, really liked a lot. she kept coming to me and saying she liked him but she couldn't believe he really liked her, she would put herself down, she kept talking herself out of it. he wanted her to spend the day with him, but by the time she finally called him back it was evening, and since they both used the buses there was hardly any time left. she kept offering him excuses to forget about it because she needed so much reassurance that he really liked her. but he was persistent. he even got his dad to come pick her up in his truck and bring her over to his house so they could spend some time together. the whole time she kept coming to me and freaking out. she was so stressed out and anxious cuz she was soooo sure of rejection and that she was misreading him. finally i just told her to say yes, go get herself fixed up, and when she back dressed i told her how beautiful she looked (which she did) and when the truck came to pick her up she panicked and i told her to go get in the truck! lol man, shy girls can be a real pain lol. but she's a really sweet, beautiful girl, and really smart, and she just needs reassurance. so, if you're dealing with someone like that (not saying you are but IF), you might have to be very patient. you might have to say something to let her know you really like her every time you talk to her in order for her to start to relax and really believe it. don't be afraid to say things like 'i'm glad you called', 'it was nice talking to you', 'i really enjoyed dancing with you', 'i really like you' or 'i really want to see you again soon'. a lukewarm response might make her think you've decided you don't like her after all. that's a conclusion she'll be all too quick to jump to if she has self-esteem issues.

[MrNice]

how do you know she is shy?
she has been flirting non-verbally with you but she is shy? it doesn't sound right
if she is not shy these are some definite clues that she is just not that into you.

[Astroruss]

With shy girls, it can be hard to break through their ice. But Pea's right; it'll take a lot of time and patience.

I've dated a few shy girls before, but was unsuccessful and only went with them a few weeks at a time before it just fizzed out.

Don't push it with her, man. You gotta take it slow.

Iceskating sounds okay, but again, don't do anything intimidating or showy with her. It doesn't work. Be tentative and slow and careful. On the other hand, with her friends not around, you have a better chance talking to her and getting some converse going.

[ty78]

She doesn't seem that into you. I suggest against anything thats not going to be fun and relaxing. Ice skating for 3 hours doesn't seem like something that would build her comfort levels.

[cyclopse]

I think if they both like ice skating or if she does that sounds good. Its informal but thier still a formal part to it. I say go for it.