HELP!

[deadendphilosopher]

sweetpea said:

deadendphilosopher said:

The thing about him trying to feel the situation out makes sense. I don't think I really want to be friends anymore though. I just feel too weird about the situation, and I feel kind of disrespected and used, and I certainly don't want to disrespect his girlfriend. Would it be bad for me to just say that I don't feel comfortable hanging out with him if he asks again? (Or if he shows up at my dorm?)

not at all, just don't let any kissing or hugging happen...that's a double message that most guys will interpret as encouragement. i hear guys right on this site talking all the time about how women don't really know what they want, yada yada yada. alot of guys believe that, and if you don't send a clear message that you're not interested they just see 'green light'. the best thing you could do for him right now is to give him a very clear 'red light'. don't let things get to the point that you need a restraining order to get the point across.

Ok. How do I suddenly decline hugging him? (I mean a lot of people at my school - guys and girls - do just hug in a friendly way.)

[Sweet Pea]

deadendphilosopher said:

sweetpea said:

not at all, just don't let any kissing or hugging happen...that's a double message that most guys will interpret as encouragement. i hear guys right on this site talking all the time about how women don't really know what they want, yada yada yada. alot of guys believe that, and if you don't send a clear message that you're not interested they just see 'green light'. the best thing you could do for him right now is to give him a very clear 'red light'. don't let things get to the point that you need a restraining order to get the point across.

Ok. How do I suddenly decline hugging him? (I mean a lot of people at my school - guys and girls - do just hug in a friendly way.)

you know, i'm getting the impression you really need to develop some healthy boundaries. it's okay to say what you want and need, really. it's okay, and it's a good thing, and you should feel perfectly comfortable doing it. believe me, this guy isn't going to be surprised when you tell him you're not interested in a 'close friendship' with a guy who's in a relationship...most women are not. for all you know, he might just be trying to take advantage of your unwillingness to hurt his feelings. take a look at this article for more info on healthy boundaries.

Building Healthy Boundaries

[deadendphilosopher]

sweetpea said:

deadendphilosopher said:

Ok. How do I suddenly decline hugging him? (I mean a lot of people at my school - guys and girls - do just hug in a friendly way.)

you know, i'm getting the impression you really need to develop some healthy boundaries. it's okay to say what you want and need, really. it's okay, and it's a good thing, and you should feel perfectly comfortable doing it. believe me, this guy isn't going to be surprised when you tell him you're not interested in a 'close friendship' with a guy who's in a relationship...most women are not. for all you know, he might just be trying to take advantage of your unwillingness to hurt his feelings. take a look at this article for more info on healthy boundaries.

Building Healthy Boundaries

Yes, I think you are right, I do need to become better at settting boundaries. I'm actually much better at that now than I was a couple of years ago, but I have a long way to go. Thank you for the link.

[deadendphilosopher]

So this guy didn't contact me yesterday, but he just called me a few minutes ago and apologized for the awkward situation again, and then he said he thought it would be good for me to meet his girlfriend, and then he got off the phone in a hurry. So I think that's good? Like all of my other interactions with him, it leaves me feeling confused though. Could this mean that I was wrong, and he wasn't actually after anything with me? I don't understand what suddenly induced him to tell me I should meet his girlfriend, it seems kind of weird.