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Post by Serene Ch4rm5 on Mar 20, 2008 18:38:55 GMT -5
Hi ppl. I wanted to make a poll but couldn't figure it out so I just decided to make a thread. I hope that is ok to make a new thread. I searched but didn't see any topics like this one.
I'm beginning to think relationships are pointless. Sure I like that love feelings all gooey and so on but that just gets less and less.
Maybe I'm not being clear on what I mean?
Ok here is the deal. I've had a relationship with a guy, yea a guy, for 2ish years. Things were great at first but now I just don't know. I mean my god things are so good sometimes and other times they just suck.
What bugs me the most is that I never know where I stand with him as he runs so hot and cold. I just see him on the weekends and the rest of the week I don't hear a damn word from him. Yea I call him and text him and shit like that but he has some lame excuse that his phone is out of credit or some shit like that. Yea I think it is shit.
You are allowed to cuss here right?
I feel like cussing some
We are exclusive but I think why should I be? I could be out there dating other guys and having fun instead of being tied down to someone who only thinks about me 2 days a week.
The bottom line is this relationship causes me so much anxieties because of the up and down with the emotions. It is horrible and I can't stand it anymore. If I had no relationship at all, I wouldn't be thinking and worrying about this at all.
On the weekends it is so great and fun and I have all the nice gooey feelings towards him. Then the week goes on and I may call or text and nada and then my gooey feelings towards him go away and I just get angry and feel neglected.
Ok, I'm going to talk about his excuse again. He has money to spend on other shit so he can buy credit for his damn phone. If he wanted to, he would.
I reread what I wrote and yea I don't mind calling him and sure he talks to me if I call him but damn, it sure would be nice if he text or called me some! Make an effort! Plus I hate when I text and he never texts me back. I just hate that.
Do I think he likes me? Well I guess so as we have been together for so long but I just don't think he likes me enough if you know what I mean. I feel like everything is just on his terms and I'm just around at his convenience and yea that's how I feel about it. I know ppls gonna say talks to him about it but why? He knows he is doing this so why point it out?
He probably doesn't know I'm about to dump his ass and move on because of this shit.
So anyway ppls if you have something to say about this shit then tell me. I'm a big girl and can take it.
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Post by annaa on Mar 20, 2008 19:30:00 GMT -5
What does he do for a job? What is his home life like?
You don't know if he's just incredibly busy during the week and doesn't have the time to call you.
If he's just sat on his ass doing nothing, then that should be alright too... Everyone needs time on their own.
The fact that you're considering dumping him goes to show that you're not too into him. Also, the fact that you say you "could be out there dating other guys and having fun" just makes me think that you're bored with this guy.
Do you feel like you want to be committed at this point in your life? Or would you rather be single and "having fun"?
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Post by Serene Ch4rm5 on Mar 20, 2008 19:50:03 GMT -5
How is there commitment with someone who ignores me most of the time? I don't get that.
Nah, he's not busy either.
Yea I'm considering dumping him because of losing interest from his neglect. It's hard to keep loving someone who treats you like shit.
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Post by annaa on Mar 20, 2008 21:49:42 GMT -5
How is there commitment with someone who ignores me most of the time? I don't get that. Nah, he's not busy either. Yea I'm considering dumping him because of losing interest from his neglect. It's hard to keep loving someone who treats you like shit. Are you sure he's not busy? He might have "emotional issues" that's making him be a bit reclusive - is he a shy guy by any chance? It's very easy to feel like he's neglecting you - I know i'd be tempted to. But he might just have things going on in his mind.. there's a chance that he does care about you but finds it difficult to make that move and call you. |
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Post by phoenixferret on Mar 20, 2008 23:47:29 GMT -5
I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head when you said, "if he wanted to, he would." Or if he wanted to enough, he would. I don't think relationships are really pointless for you; I think you're just getting burnt out on the "on, off, on, off" of those giddy feelings. There are a few possibilities, here. First, it could be that, while you're still in the first stages of gooey love, he may have moved on to the second, "long-term" stage of love where many partners begin to take their partner for granted. They say the start of the second stage is what either makes or breaks the relationship--and sometimes it's a smooth transition, and sometimes it's a rocky one where one partner has to grab the other by the lapels, look them in the eye, and say, "we need to fix this." Another possibility is that, past the original giddy-love state, he's a dud--as in, you didn't have as much in common, be it life goals or personality or communication style, as you thought, but he was motivated to meet you in the middle when he was still feeling giddy. Perhaps his natural state is mainly self-centered. It's possible that, Anna suggested, it might be that he's depressed or stressed or something, for whatever reason. I wouldn't say that's the most likely reason, however, and this isn't any excuse for ignoring you; he needs to get it taken care of to the best of his ability, if that is in fact the problem. Maybe *he* is the kind of person who just wants to "have fun." Some people really are just interested in flings and in having a partner for sex and entertainment purposes, even if they don't immediately realize it; and some people really deep down want something long-term. And some people are the type that only want to ever see people on their terms. A really introverted person may not call you up because they don't see anything wrong with enjoying their own company for long periods; certain types of extroverts may have enormous networks of friends and a loving partner, and yet will only contact any of them when he or she is "in the mood" to talk to certain ones. And also, some people just don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend as a top priority, and some people just don't care to put much effort into a relationship. If you're the kind of person that gets really into your partner and wants to be together lots, and they're the kind who puts off dealing with you till you contact them, you might just not be compatible. It may be that he's just that kind of person; it may be that "he's just not that into you," but either way, it doesn't sound like this is the best relationship situation that you could realistically find yourself in. Whatever the case may be, you really do need to talk to him--not to simply point out what he's been doing; you've got to let him know that certain things need fixing between you two. But don't yell at him or accuse him, if you think you want to stay with him; that's just likely to backfire. If you don't talk to him in some capacity, you really only have two options: learn to live with him as he is now, or leave. Talking and blind luck are the only things that will change this situation if you choose to stay with your guy. So: -talk
-walk
-put up with it and hope for the best Those are the options I see. What do you want to do? |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 21, 2008 0:07:11 GMT -5
hmmm...available weekends but not weekdays? maybe he has another relationship with someone who's available weekdays but not weekends?
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Post by Serene Ch4rm5 on Mar 21, 2008 1:15:32 GMT -5
He is emotionally screwed up but aren't we all. He's very introverted.
PhoenixFerret, you hit the nail on the head with the "on" "off" statement. That is the painful part. One minute he is so "on" and the next "off". I hate it. Have you ever known talking anything out with a man to work? I haven't. I have found men just tune me out. Men don't want to talk about anything. They know what they are going to do or not do and just do it. He always manages to do the things he wants to do. All those things you said about him might be true but it hurts me just the same.
Maybe he is past the gooey phase and in the committed phase and is taking me for granted. What is the best cure for someone who is taking you for granted?
Maybe he does have someone else during the week? I have no idea. I have gone over there during the week and there is nobody there.
What do I want to do? I want him to be different. I want him to make more of an effort. I want him to be consistent. The relationship is pointless as it is because it hurts me so much. I'm getting anything from it but pain and no, the 2 days a week of bliss and fun don't make up for the 5 days of the Sahara desert.
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Post by Stranger on Mar 21, 2008 2:48:41 GMT -5
I know ppls gonna say talks to him about it but why? He knows he is doing this so why point it out? He might know he's doing it, but he probably doesn't know how it's making you feel, which is the real problem here by the sounds of it. Yeah, I do think you should talk to him. As Phoenix suggested, not in an angry manner or anything; but just let him know how it's been affecting you, and how you're feeling, and that you've been considering calling it off as a result unless he's willing to spend more time with you. If he cares about you enough, that should chill his bones. I know it would mine. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Mar 26, 2008 18:36:44 GMT -5
A friend of mine has a really similar problem with her boyfriend. It started in the beginning of their relationship though. They lived on the same floor of the same dorm, and sometimes she would go 3 days without seeing him. Sometimes he would promise her he would call or come over, but then he would completely blow her off or come after midnight. He seems like a really introverted person, so I think that is a big part of the problem. She has had many confrontations with him where she tells him how it makes her feel and they talk about it, and at first (the first few months) it wasn't very effective and she came very close to breaking up with him, but in the past few months he has really changed. He slips up every once in a while but overall he has been making a large effort to spend a lot of time with her. They now live in different dorms, but he basically sees her every day. So I think communication can definitely help.
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Post by skyhint on Mar 27, 2008 10:31:48 GMT -5
It's called the 7 year itch.
But personally, if I were in this situation I would call it off. I've been in relationships where I go from anger towards the other person when they are away to feeling OK about it when we are together. Those aren't good relationships. I stuck with them until I got dumped then I felt angery because I felt like it was me that should be doing the dumping, not him.
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Post by Crashtastic on Mar 27, 2008 14:30:13 GMT -5
First off, you need to talk to him the way you did in your post...without the anger as was suggested  I only see my other half on the weekends and sometimes even then we both get sick of each other, lol. My friend makes me feel like a freak because she needs to see her boyfriend every day...she friggen has him living in her parents house with her...and they fight all the time  . She has a tone like whats wrong with you for not needing to be with him every waking moment....anyways the point I'm trying to make is that everybody has different needs as to how much they need to see their significant other. I don't think that means he doesn't like you. If your needs to see or talk to each other is different...then all I can suggest is to talk to him and come up with a compromise. If one can't be made then maybe you should move on. I don't think its a good idea to just dump him without at least talking about things first. Two years is a long time. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 27, 2008 17:32:08 GMT -5
First off, you need to talk to him the way you did in your post...without the anger as was suggested I only see my other half on the weekends and sometimes even then we both get sick of each other, lol. My friend makes me feel like a freak because she needs to see her boyfriend every day...she friggen has him living in her parents house with her...and they fight all the time . She has a tone like whats wrong with you for not needing to be with him every waking moment....anyways the point I'm trying to make is that everybody has different needs as to how much they need to see their significant other. I don't think that means he doesn't like you. If your needs to see or talk to each other is different...then all I can suggest is to talk to him and come up with a compromise. If one can't be made then maybe you should move on. I don't think its a good idea to just dump him without at least talking about things first. Two years is a long time. i agree with what you're saying here, but i didn't think this was likely what was going on in this case because of this: I just see him on the weekends and the rest of the week I don't hear a damn word from him. Yea I call him and text him and shit like that but he has some lame excuse that his phone is out of credit or some shit like that. to be content with seeing each other on weekends is one thing. to completely cut someone out of your life all week...and to never respond to their attempted contact by phone, text, email...that sounds more like a booty call or multiple relationships. but even if he really is just a guy who doesn't want to see his gf except on weekends ever, sounds like they're not compatible anyways. cuz i don't think she's gonna go for that.  |
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. She has a tone like whats wrong with you for not needing to be with him every waking moment....anyways the point I'm trying to make is that everybody has different needs as to how much they need to see their significant other. I don't think that means he doesn't like you. If your needs to see or talk to each other is different...then all I can suggest is to talk to him and come up with a compromise. If one can't be made then maybe you should move on. I don't think its a good idea to just dump him without at least talking about things first. Two years is a long time.