If I'm "hot", why do I feel so ugly?

[slu2008]

Please, please, please...Please don't mistake this post as an attempt to brag about looks or anything. I just want to call attention to the situation I'm going through.

Recently, I posted my pic on Hot or Not(I was in the mood for self-gratification, I suppose). So far, I am around a 9. (http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=SSBRBRS&key=ELY)

So it should be case closed, right? I look good, so I don't have any reason to be shy or single. What reason do I have to be shy???



Wrong...So far from the truth. Granted, the picture is of me( Even though I'm wearing a tie, which I don't do very often), something must be very wrong between me on the picture and the real life me. The real me walks around with his head down, avoiding eye contact with whomever he crosses paths with, and speaks in a low and timid manner. The real me is closer to a 3, in my opinion.

I thought that if I recieved a high rating, it would maybe boost my self-esteem, but it only made me skeptical of the rating. I wonder what people think when they see my picture? They probably have no idea that I am the way I am. They probably assume that I'm real cool, fun to be around, or maybe the suit led them to mistake me for being wealthy.

I'm afraid of meeting anyone who only sees my pic and perhaps has preconceived notions of what I'm like, because I know when they meet me in person, they will be let down...

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Have you ever recieved a compliment on looks or sense of humor or whatever, and it caused you to think "Are they being serious??? What are they smoking?"

It's like being immune to compliments;but if it's an insult, it cuts like a knife.

[Crashtastic]

Well, if it means anything...you look attractive enough to me ...and you're on a shy site so...I know about you're evil shyness, lol

You do look pretty sad though....pretty, yet sad eyes. If I had a kitten to give you....I'd do it.

Anyways, as to the question, sometimes it's difficult for me to really believe compliments when they are given to me. You have to believe it yourself on some level I guess, or at least not think your so terrible it can't be true.

What about you makes you think of yourself as a 3?.....or more like, what do you consider your good qualities?

[strawberrysweetie]

slu2008 said:

So it should be case closed, right? I look good, so I don't have any reason to be shy or single. What reason do I have to be shy???

Well, shyness doesn't really discriminte; looks don't necessarily have anything to do with it. Take a look at the "Post your picture thread" under the general board and you'll notice a lot of people here who have posted their pics are quite attractive, yet still have shyness/social issues too. Shyness is internal and stems from the way you think about yourself (which can be a result of a variety of factors), not necessarily from what other people think of you.

slu2008 said:

Granted, the picture is of me( Even though I'm wearing a tie, which I don't do very often), something must be very wrong between me on the picture and the real life me. The real me walks around with his head down, avoiding eye contact with whomever he crosses paths with, and speaks in a low and timid manner. The real me is closer to a 3, in my opinion.

I'm betting that people find you attractive in real life too. You've pretty much hit the nail on the head, though. Shy behavior can make you seem unapproachable. So, then you must improve on your behavior, which probably first means working on that self-esteem of yours and realizing that you deserve to do better...which is really what I think a lot of us here need to do. It's a difficult process, but I think it can be done.

slu2008 said:

I thought that if I recieved a high rating, it would maybe boost my self-esteem, but it only made me skeptical of the rating. I wonder what people think when they see my picture? They probably have no idea that I am the way I am. They probably assume that I'm real cool, fun to be around, or maybe the suit led them to mistake me for being wealthy.

Low self-esteem is extremely hard to overcome. I can see what you're saying, because I constantly analyze everything even if there is no need for analyzing. That site is meant for people to rate you on your physical attractiveness. They really have no way of knowing anything else about you if all they have is a picture. Assuming they think you might be wealthy is an interesting take on things, and clothes can increase attractiveness, but that's not the first thing I thought of when I saw your picture. For what it's worth...and I know this probably won't change your mind...but you are very attractive and you have very nice eyes.

slu2008 said:

I'm afraid of meeting anyone who only sees my pic and perhaps has preconceived notions of what I'm like, because I know when they meet me in person, they will be let down...

If you are worried about that, you could bring up your personality type beforehand--like when you're chatting or exchanging e-mails. You could mention you're a bit shy or that you're quite nervous for the first meeting. I think most people are a bit nervous meeting for the first time, so that might even ease the other's nerves.

slu2008 said:

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Have you ever recieved a compliment on looks or sense of humor or whatever, and it caused you to think "Are they being serious??? What are they smoking?"

All the time. I don't get compliments very often, but when I do, I just sort of shrug it off as if they only said what they said to just be nice and didn't really mean it. The only comment I'll accept is when I'm told I have "pretty blue eyes." And even then, my eyes are something I was born with, not some great achievement or anything. Then again, even if it's a compliment on some work I've done, I don't think of it as too big of a deal. I always think, "Someone could do better."

slu2008 said:

It's like being immune to compliments;but if it's an insult, it cuts like a knife.

So true.

[Bodhi]

I think being attractive and shy are separate things and many times have nothing to do with each other. There are many very attractive shy people, and many not attractive at all people that are extremely outgoing.

Yet, it probably makes it easier to socialize if you are attractive. People on a whole are more likely to want to be friends with attractive people and think more highly of them on a sub-concious level, even if they don't deserve it. But, even with that advantage, it still can be hard for people that are very shy.

In terms of dating, I think the attractiveness can get your foot in the door with the opposite sex. A girl might be willing to date you intially based only on the fact she thinks you are cute. BUT, after that, you have to hold her interest or no matter how attractive you are, the girl will move on.

I think you should just stop thinking about whether you are attractive or not, and just work on socializing and being comfortable around other people. That is the area all of us shy people need to work on, and that is what will help you make friends and find a girlfriend.

[skyhint]

So now you know that you're hot. Maybe now you should work on feeling confident about your personality.

[cyclopse]

Not to boast but i have recieved compliments like that before and i know how you feel no matter how many of those compliments you get you still doubt it.

[cyclopse]

Not to boast but i have recieved compliments like that before and i know how you feel no matter how many of those compliments you get you still doubt it. Its like you want to find reasons to discredit those compliments who you just let them roll of to the side.

[Kris]

I think the reason you're getting a really high rating is partly because of the way you are presenting yourself in your picture -- you're wearing a suit, got a nice tie on and the way you're looking at the camera gives off an air of confidence.

Not to say you're ugly; at the risk of sounding gay, you are a pretty good-looking guy.

[blondie86]

You have no reason to be self conscious - yeah I know you probably hear that a lot but it's true, maybe one day you will see how attractive you are.

But I'm wondering if something has happened in your life to make you feel unattractive? Like possibly someone or multiple people have said something to make you think that way? Or do YOU just think it?

In my case, I've had people make me feel awful, mainly my family, my brother said some means things and my mom used to point out my flaws and tell me to fix them and so I learned not to look people in the face so they can't see my flaws even though I know deep down I don't really have any.

Also an ex boyfriend completely ripped apart any confidence I had left - pointed out every damn thing about my face and body and said how ugly it was in detail and then he told me I should kill myself. I later found out he thought I was gorgeous and only said all those things because he was angry he was losing me.

So something must have happened to you I'm guessing to make you think otherwise?

[corruptedheart]

First off, No Homo. You are a good looking dude. Maybe staring at your "9" rating for several hours on end will condition your mind into thinking you are 9.

[lennythegiant]

I get that feeling too sometimes. A few people have told me that I'm attractive, but I still have my doubts. I guess I feel that if I really was attractive, wouldn't I have received more attention from girls than I did?

Also, like you, I have been tempted to post on Hot or Not in order to "really find out".

[whiskeypriestess]

This is an interesting topic, and something I wonder about a lot myself. I used to model (yeah, it was embarrassing and it SO does not fit my personality) and my self-esteem is still in the gutter. I really wish there were some way to change my opinion of myself. A lot of folks tell you to fake it, and that it works. I tried that while modeling and it worked to a degree, but by the time I'd finish up I'd feel weary, and like I was lying to myself. And I'd feel really insanely guilty, too
"In my case, I've had people make me feel awful, mainly my family, my brother said some means things and my mom used to point out my flaws and tell me to fix them and so I learned not to look people in the face so they can't see my flaws even though I know deep down I don't really have any. "
DING DING DING! I think this is where my issues come from. Comments from family members really hit home

[unbreakablex91x]

Apr 3, 2008 18:43:43 GMT -5 slu2008 said:

Please, please, please...Please don't mistake this post as an attempt to brag about looks or anything. I just want to call attention to the situation I'm going through.

Recently, I posted my pic on Hot or Not(I was in the mood for self-gratification, I suppose). So far, I am around a 9. (http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=SSBRBRS&key=ELY)

So it should be case closed, right? I look good, so I don't have any reason to be shy or single. What reason do I have to be shy???



Wrong...So far from the truth. Granted, the picture is of me( Even though I'm wearing a tie, which I don't do very often), something must be very wrong between me on the picture and the real life me. The real me walks around with his head down, avoiding eye contact with whomever he crosses paths with, and speaks in a low and timid manner. The real me is closer to a 3, in my opinion.

I thought that if I recieved a high rating, it would maybe boost my self-esteem, but it only made me skeptical of the rating. I wonder what people think when they see my picture? They probably have no idea that I am the way I am. They probably assume that I'm real cool, fun to be around, or maybe the suit led them to mistake me for being wealthy.

I'm afraid of meeting anyone who only sees my pic and perhaps has preconceived notions of what I'm like, because I know when they meet me in person, they will be let down...

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Have you ever recieved a compliment on looks or sense of humor or whatever, and it caused you to think "Are they being serious??? What are they smoking?"

It's like being immune to compliments;but if it's an insult, it cuts like a knife.

dude you just took the words right out of my mouth i feel u man like chix at skool look at me and they come up to me but then they get let down cause im shy-so many opportunities lost

[unbreakablex91x]

Apr 3, 2008 20:22:19 GMT -5 Crashtastic said:

Well, if it means anything...you look attractive enough to me ...and you're on a shy site so...I know about you're evil shyness, lol

You do look pretty sad though....pretty, yet sad eyes. If I had a kitten to give you....I'd do it.

Anyways, as to the question, sometimes it's difficult for me to really believe compliments when they are given to me. You have to believe it yourself on some level I guess, or at least not think your so terrible it can't be true.

What about you makes you think of yourself as a 3?.....or more like, what do you consider your good qualities?

i know huh like when u get compliments it dosent really matter cause the only thing that matters is wut u feel deep inside that and it confuses u ive been there lol

[tth]

well, when I first saw your pic I was like is that you? you dont look so shy at all! in fact you look very outgoing. I guess looks cant tell anyone about their personality. But at least you have the courage to post your pic because I know I wont.