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Post by spitzig on May 28, 2003 21:40:10 GMT -5
i dunno if ive ever been depressed? what happens when ur depressed, where does it hurt Your arm. It sounds like you care, to me.
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Post by g3netix on May 29, 2003 14:39:38 GMT -5
i do care.. i hide it well dont i
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Post by Mildman1 on May 30, 2003 14:54:02 GMT -5
I guess I'm fortunate - I've felt depressed but have never been clinically depressed.
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Post by Lydia on Jun 12, 2003 11:13:48 GMT -5
I have had too many social disasters to name and the pain from this awful. I didn't think it was possible to feel this kind of pain. If I were somebody else, I probably would have killed myself just so I couldn't feel this pain ever again. But I will not kill myself because of my family and because I am Christian. Sometimes I just wanna ask God why this never ends. I usually get depressed after a painful social situation but after a good cry I usually get so hopeful again that tomorrow will be a better day, which it never is. As somebody said I keep behaving the same way and hoping for a different outcome. I friend of mine that I work with invited me and another friend of hers to spend a week in Dallas. I would really like to go because I love traveling. My first instinct was to tell her yes, but after thinking about it I had to tell her no because I know what is going to happen, and I just don't want to hurt anymore. I have been out with her and her friend many times and they are both wild and crazy and they usually end up having a blast while I just stand around "mute." I wish I was as wild and crazy as they were so I could enjoy myself too. This girl is the only person I talk really to beyond a hello at work. I work with about fourteen other people. It gets me down most of the time because it is so frustrating that I am not comfortable with the people here considering that I spend most of my time here. It should be my home because they are really nice people and I cannot wait for the day to be over just so I can get away and go home were I am safe. I know the owner of this firm is frustrated with me because I am not "out there" and confident and aggressive like the others. God knows I wish I was, because sometimes he does some hurtful things. He may not think they are hurtful to me but they are. Like when he asks others to do things or go places but he never asks me. It hurts but I just brush it off. I have thought about quitting because I don't like being in a place were I do not get any respect because I think I do good work but my shyness just hurts me.
This is the first time I have actually shared my story. That's got to be a good thing. I just found this sight. It's good to read about peopel in the same circumstance.
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Post by angelka on Jun 30, 2003 1:42:25 GMT -5
I know this is an old thread but I'm going to respond anyway. I think that shy people are especially prone to depression of one degree or another because basically, I believe the saying, "No man is an island," and that people really do need to be around other people to feel and be whole. WHen I think back to the happiest times of my entire life, they are always times when I felt I had many friends. (Which, I suppose to the "normal" person would be just a few but to me, more than one is many. haha)
Lydia's post in particular struck a cord with me because I feel exactly the same way she does. I too work with the nicest, most fun people but I always feel that I ALMOST fit in with them but I still fall short. I've been in situations like this before at work with various jobs I've had in the past, and although I never actually left a job for this reason, I have changed shifts or departments or whatever partly for this reason but invariably, I always find myself in the same situation.
What is really difficult is that I think as a shy person, you tend to give an impression as wanting to be left alone...because you're shy, insecure. But others interrpret that as being snobby or feeling that you're better than they are. No one likes someone who thinks they're better than them so...it becomes sort of a self-fullfilling prophesy and others DON'T like you. So, even if you finally do start talking, they're already judging you from their own preconceived notion that "you think you're better than them." Once this circle has started, for me, it seems nothing I say or do helps.
I guess I'm moody. I have better days when I feel really confident and can laugh and speak freely with my coworkers and then I have other days, when I feel totally insecure and feel like I don't know what to say, feel really left out, so I am just quiet. I can't imagine what my coworkers really think of me but like Lydia, everyday I get off work I think, "Well, tomorrow will be better." Some days it is but many days it's not. I guess it would be better if I was only shy meeting new people...then, after being around them for a while, I'd feel more comfortable around them. I'm certain this is at least partly from lacking social skills, which, being shy, you're not around that many people and so you don't learn social skills as easily. I wish I knew someone I could talk to about this but I kind of don't want to announce, "Ok, this is how screwed up I am...this is how big of a loser I really am!" So, it's embarassing to admit all of this. Maybe someone else could relate?
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Post by glenn on Jun 30, 2003 8:53:04 GMT -5
i understand. about the same as me.
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Post by Mildman1 on Jun 30, 2003 14:35:20 GMT -5
What is really difficult is that I think as a shy person, you tend to give an impression as wanting to be left alone...because you're shy, insecure. But others interrpret that as being snobby or feeling that you're better than they are. No one likes someone who thinks they're better than them so...it becomes sort of a self-fullfilling prophesy and others DON'T like you. So, even if you finally do start talking, they're already judging you from their own preconceived notion that "you think you're better than them." Once this circle has started, for me, it seems nothing I say or do helps. I guess I'm moody. I have better days when I feel really confident and can laugh and speak freely with my coworkers and then I have other days, when I feel totally insecure and feel like I don't know what to say, feel really left out, so I am just quiet. I can't imagine what my coworkers really think of me but like Lydia, everyday I get off work I think, "Well, tomorrow will be better." Some days it is but many days it's not. I guess it would be better if I was only shy meeting new people...then, after being around them for a while, I'd feel more comfortable around them. I'm certain this is at least partly from lacking social skills, which, being shy, you're not around that many people and so you don't learn social skills as easily. I wish I knew someone I could talk to about this but I kind of don't want to announce, "Ok, this is how screwed up I am...this is how big of a loser I really am!" So, it's embarassing to admit all of this. Maybe someone else could relate? First impressions are very important - if you don't present yourself in a certain way then other people will fill in the gaps, and usually end up with an impression of you that is mostly inaccurate. You say you are moody, but I wouldn't call it moodiness -I think I'm like you in that how much I speak tends to depend on confidence, which in my case continually fluctuates. Sometimes I feel that I fit in, and am having a laugh, and other times with the same people I feel different, unliked, and then I'm really quiet. Even when I'm getting along with people I'm often thinking "It's all going to fall apart soon". I think you can pick up social skills and improve these all the time, and these should improve confidence. And I find that it is helpful to admit failings and fears, even if it's only to make sure that there's not so much pressure on yourself to be something you don't feel comfortable with (i.e confident outgoing). Rather than try to hide shyness, maybe it's better to admit it, so that people know that you're not aloof because you think you're superior but simply because you find certain social situations difficult. However, I accept that shyness, to many, is considered off-putting, but accepting it, and working on it or around it is the only way, I think, that a shy person can really be happy. However, horses for courses, and I may be totally wrong.
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Post by sweetness on Jul 1, 2003 14:46:29 GMT -5
I can understand what you re saying angelka. Not that i work with the nicest people at one of my 2 jobs..My boss at that job is a woman and she s not respectfull. The last few weeks i really am not waiting happily to go to work there. But i blame myself. I let them threat me unfairly. I let them walk all over me. I feel like i have to be extra good employer because i am shy and i hope that working hard, being flexible and not complain helps for that. But i wish i didnt feel like that. Coz i am who i am and i tend to get more shy because i work there!!! At my other job i am not shy at all. I work with one guy and it s most of the times fun to work together. He s very easy going and the opposite of my other boss -if i could i would do it myself-. (i have to change jobs) I also have thought about being shy, it makes me more distant and it may seem i m arrogant to some people who dont really look very good. Then other times i think people must see how insecure i am no doubt about it. So then i think they just dont like. I was out the whole weekend with my brother and there were also friends from him. Those 2 girls are also like crazy and i just stood there enjoying the music they were going like common!! shake your hips..it was awfull. The other nite when they werent there i was dancing and when they were around i just stood there. I think almost that because i m qiuet people expect me to not jump around and i was so different , felt uncomfortable and couldnt move. i almost got angry at one of them coz she was embarrising me. I get intimidated by his friends, they all seem like the top 10 of most secure people in the world. And i think that there are some even that have a bit too much of it, seem arrogant to me. But i also think that coz i ve met them like maybe 15 times or so like this weekend there was like this one girl that i talked to and it was nice. She didnt seem nice at first, i kindda got the idea i was invisible to her, we had a good chat.(it was good to me, maybe to her just very small chat;)) I try to be more open, coz like tiffy you say too, i tend to close up totally. It comes along like i dont want them to know me, it s a way to protect me, i never realised it untill recently that i protect myself so so too much. Not wanting to get hurt, but it makes me miss everything beautifull in life there is too!!! I also think about how confusing it must be too other people, if you are secure one day and so very insecure the next week. It seems like i can be so different person. Depending on the situation, the people...but i guess for people must be difficult to 'catch' you...how you are..maybe too difficult for people..they dont know what to expect, that s why i also think that it can be difficult for a relationship. I can be allright one day..and almost for no reason be otherwise the other day.. Mmmlong post..i needed to get this off my chest...thanks :-/
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Post by M1chael on Aug 11, 2003 1:09:32 GMT -5
Im usually depressed/feeling low for a few weeks, then ill feel great for a day or two. I try to enjoy the rare good days.
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Post by glenn miller on Aug 12, 2003 23:54:07 GMT -5
i am not deppressed though.
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