I'm So Lonesome I could Cry (Hank Williams Sr.)

[johnadams]

Let me level with you, friends and all: I'm incredibly lonely, and, despite the debacular properties of my first romance which, I might add, was my last AND didn't emerge until my Freshman year in college...(Catches his breath...)

Regardless, I am ready to file away disappointment, accept my mistakes and foibles and, above all, FIND A LOVER/GIRLFRIEND/SOULMATE! Therein lies a problem: I have no clue as to how to approach a potential mate. I've heard it opined that to approach every woman as a conceivable mate is the wrong approach, to which I agree. However, I am NOT an asexual toadstool without need and capacity for intimacy.

Here's the shakedown: I have a woman in mind. I find her very physically attractive. She and I share a host of common problems. Above all, I like her as a person and enjoy her company. Now, what do you suppose is hindering progress?

1. I'm fearful of rejection/ridicule/hostility
2. I'm fearful of her friends. As an avowedly friendless person, I have no support system should the relationship sour. Of course, the short answer would be to keep the relationship fresh.
3. I'm fearful of myself. Not merely ugliness afrights me, brethren! I am ensconsed it seems in my own shortcomings. Actually, most people try to tell me they're quite meager. But I know myself that I am more flawed than is outwardly seen.

PLEASE HELP ME! Any advice, should it be derisive or sympathetic, is welcome. It seems as if I will die alone. That is not my aspiration.
P.S. Do you people find me as pretentious and boring as I find myself?

[spitzig1]

I'm fearful of myself. Not merely ugliness afrights me, brethren! I am ensconsed it seems in my own shortcomings. Actually, most people try to tell me they're quite meager. But I know myself that I am more flawed than is outwardly seen.

Such is the nature of low self esteem.

PLEASE HELP ME! Any advice, should it be derisive or sympathetic, is welcome.

Well, I really only see two possibilities.
1. Wait for her to initiate something. Given that women who are NOT shy often do not initiate, that might not happen, even if she is interested.
2. Tell her you are very attracted to her, and ask her if she would like to go out on a date sometime.

P.S. Do you people find me as pretentious and boring as I find myself?

Considering I don't know how much you consider yourself to have those traits, I can't really say. But, I'd say no--those traits don't come to mind at all.

[Twice-Shy]

Some good advice there. I am going through a lonely period at the minute. Everytime I visit my brother in hospital I am looking at the nurses and doctors for a potential match. I think its because my former wife works as a Radiographer in the same hospital. My advice to you would be to go for it! Take a risk. Its far easier to live with any rejection than to have to live with the fact that you could have been together if you had taken a chance.

[Naptaq]

i knew this girl right, she was cute and all i liked her.. but somehow i didn't show/tell her that and .. well now i know that she wasn't interested in me (well she has a boy friend now.) and well i got over it.. im happy for her..yea.
i'll never know what it'll be if i asked her but i rather not think about it.. im kinda glad that it happened this way.. so johnadams i'd tell you don't do it..but then again what if she's interested? damn.. i dunno, and you my friend you can find out.. but then again i wont recomend you that...
about the boring side..well i kida consider myself boring too but then again ..ugh i'll shut up now

[CaryGrant]

Sorry to be late to the table, here, but I have experienced this very problem. The problem with the problem is that it led to poor matches, which failed, following which, as you pointed out, I had no friends to comfort me.

So, after several crash-and-burns, I worked on me, and got comfortable enough with myself that I will gladly date CASUALLY, meaning take things SLOWLY. Previously, I would be in love in a week and living together as soon as possible after that. Now my priority is to make some friends of both genders and to go on some dates, but NOT to "fall in love" with someone as quickly as possible.

So, that said, to go actively looking for a soulmate but not to develop some friendships is not a good plan. "Normal" people have friends. You will be viewed as abnormal, and therefore less desirable if you don't have any. You will attempt to wrap your life around this (or some) woman, and she may well find that smothering.

My advice to you is the same I give to myself: ask her out, BUT ALSO devote as much energy to making some friends.

[Rose]

Some time ago I really liked a guy, it took me several weeks of struggling with myself to tell him. Well, actually I wrote him a letter (I know it's pathetic, feel free to laugh . Although it didn't work out, I am really glad I did it - at least I know I've gave it a try and I can move on without thinking what could have happened if...

If you really like her then aks her out, you have absolutely nothing to lose...good luck