Nothing to talk about????

[sadshyness]

I always find myself with nothing to talk about, i feel like my life is so boring and that I will never be able to have an in depth conversation with a girl. I am interested in going to the gym, joining some clubs etc but i feel like i never will because of my shyness. it is as though i'm scared to join in these activities and what the people will think of me even though i know they wont be judging me really. i am scared of tutorial classes at uni as i'm worried what the members of the class will think of me based on how i answer questions and the blushing. what can i do?

I am always lonely, would like to change.

[GreenFerret]

I can't remember where it was, but I read on some shyness website how the best thing to do is to just always be on the lookout for anything to talk about, and file it away in your head. It sounded like "cheating" (at least to me), but the good part is that it actually helps a LOT! In fact, when I'm really worried about not having anything to say, I'll even go so far as to make one of those uncool-sounding lists of conversation topics, heh heh. But it can really help a lot just to write things down and sort them out. It certainly doesn't make a great conversationalist out of us shy folks, but it can be very useful in at least getting things started. Plus (and I read this in the same place as the first bit of advice), the other person can generally be expected to contribute some topics of their own to the conversation. And of course, the advice that you should make an observation about your present situation--that actually works, as well.

As for the blushing, some of the people on this site apparently take some sort of medication that can really cut down on it... I think I saw a thread about it somewhere, actually, so you could look for that.

So, go ahead and keep your ears and eyes open for anything interesting that someone else might like to hear about, or to which they might respond; and when someone asks you a question, strain your brain to think of something relevant to ask them in return.

I am very shy, although not as horribly shy as I was in previous years, and I still managed to do something conversation-wise of which I was very proud. I was in an artroom alone with a stranger, and she asked me merely if I was waiting for my ride... And I responded, and managed to hold up my half of the conversation for a good ten, fifteen minutes or so! I was so proud; I didn't even know this person, and I was conversing! I think half of our problem as shy people is the fact that not only do we have a hard time with conversations, but we worry about having a hard time, and then we worry about worrying... In this case, I think I just didn't care what this girl thought of me, since it was about a week till graduation from high school, plus I had never seen her before and didn't expect to see her again. It was my greatest performance, heehee. I don't even remember what we talked about, but it was all very ordinary stuff, more like "painting still lives is annoying; oh yes, I agree," than, "So, ever been skydiving?"

If I could figure out exactly what I did right that day, I guess I wouldn't be posting at this site. However, I keep trying very hard, and slowly but surely I've been improving. I think small talk is always going to be a bit of a challenge fo me, but forcing myself to try it seems to be having a positive effect. Dunno if I've helped, but I wish you luck in your attempts. I'm going off to college soon, and I, too, am worried about what people will think of me... I guess we just need to take everything as it comes, and each do out best.

[Agravein]

I have struggeld alot trying to come up with things to talk about, I seem to clutch at straws and desperatly tryes to converse on anything, and when I talk I'm so scared that I'm boring people, that I trye to keep it short . Dry witt was my forteè, but not any more. I still have my shining moments, but they are fewer still.
About being boring, this is evedently so clear at partys that people have said I do not have time talking to you, and then brush me of after a few minutes, despite they asked me somthing.
Yaey, is'nt life a hoot

[sadshyness]

thanks for the replies.... what medication should i take? do i need to get a prescription???

[Kitten]

I don't think it's that we have nothing to talk about, it's that it flies out of our heads as soon as we're faced with trying to make small talk. This happens to me all the time. I get so nervous that I clam up and become so focused on not saying something stupid that I get uncomfortable, and desperately wish they'd just shut up and go away. And even when I do talk, I tend to talk in a low voice and stutter sometimes, and it makes it all the more embarrassing. Shit, you'd think I was a total idiot or something.

[Evelyn]

i do the exact same thing. i get so panicked at being talked to that my mind goes blank. i just try anything to get out of the situation...including being hostile and cold to the person just so that they think i dont like them and stop talking to me. its really bad coz usually i accutaly like the person whos trying to talk to me and i get really deppessed about the way i acted after. any ideas about how to get over this panic?

[strawberrysweetie]

Guest-Kitten said:

I don't think it's that we have nothing to talk about, it's that it flies out of our heads as soon as we're faced with trying to make small talk. This happens to me all the time. I get so nervous that I clam up and become so focused on not saying something stupid that I get uncomfortable, and desperately wish they'd just shut up and go away. And even when I do talk, I tend to talk in a low voice and stutter sometimes, and it makes it all the more embarrassing. Shit, you'd think I was a total idiot or something.

I know exactly what you mean. This shyness crap sucks. lol.

[Nadine]

I know how u guys feel it happens to me alot too. I try to be converdent but just can't

Ones thing that annoyies me the most is realizeing the things I should of said just when the person finshes the convo. and walks away.

Does anyone else have this habit of makeing up stuff to say, when it to late?

[DayDreamer]

Nadine said:

Does anyone else have this habit of makeing up stuff to say, when it to late?

Yea, I know what you mean. I think reflecting on the conversation is the worst part, because at this point you realize all of the things you could have said if you wouldn't have been so nervous followed by emarassment and despair from the twisted image of you must have looked to that person (people). Conversation is a bitch and is probably the most feared thing in shyness, at least for me anyways.
The best thing to do is to think about anything else when you are conversing, hopefully the conversation .
I know this is waayyy easier said than done, but you will find that when you are free (or partly free) from your twisted thoughts and worry you will be able to relax, talk, and enjoy yourself. This means not worrying about eye contact, blushing, how you look, what to say, etc etc etc. Just focus on the external. And if things don't go so good, don't be so hard on yourself, at least you tried and didnt run away on instinct. Also, the world needs quiet and shy people, we worry so much that we don't talk therefore we're boring and abnormal, so we should become hermits and avoid social interaction. This is an American ideal that we should be like the party people on MTV; if we lived in China or Japan we would probably be very popular because being quiet and thoughtful are qualities valued in terms of friendship. Anyway sorry for the essay, anyone feel free to email me anytime, I would love to hear from you!

[amy]

DayDreamer said:

And if things don't go so good, don't be so hard on yourself, at least you tried and didnt run away on instinct. Also, the world needs quiet and shy people, we worry so much that we don't talk therefore we're boring and abnormal, so we should become hermits and avoid social interaction. This is an American ideal that we should be like the party people on MTV

thanku so much 4 saying that i was feeling really depressed until i read what u wrote

[CaryGrant]

This is an American ideal that we should be like the party people on MTV.

Very true. Ridiculous, but true, as if there is one ideal way of being.

Anyway...small talk is an art, but not that hard to learn. If your mind goes blank, the first step is to get over that: try breathing deeply, giving yourself time to warm up, or some other calming thoughts/activities.

Once you can actually say something, ;D try asking questions. Make it a goal to discover one thing the other person likes. There are books on making small talk (Carducci has one, for example) that help to take the fear and mystery out of it.

[SpathiEluder]

i think 80s cartoons are a great topic. who doesn't like to reminisce about getting up on saturday morning or coming home on weekday afternoons and watching he man, thundercats, captain n, smurfs, snorks, gi joe, transformers, alvin and the chipmunks, etc.

[Kitten]

Hey, I was actually talking about 80s cartoons the other day with this chick from work. I really didn't know her too well before, but she commented on my MST3K thing on my computer and from there we started talking about 80s cartoons somehow.

I loved Transformers and He-Man. Also loved Inspector Gadget, Duck Tales, Muppet Babies, Voltron and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.