My so-called friends

[hippo]

I used to think I had a lot of friends, then one day I woke up and realised that I have a lot of ppl whom I chase after, they will have a cup of coffee with me once every 6 weeks or so, but they never initiate any contact, or suggest anything else. It's like I'm compartmentalised. Of course, if they want a favour, I'm the first one they call.

Can someone tell me, should I stop ringing them and see if the "friendship" just disappears? But then, I'll be left with no one, and that's scary. I agree with what I've seen on previous posts, that ppl just ignore shy ppl, so I suppose that's what's happening to me. I have decided it's time to work out what my interests are, and concentrate on the interests rather than just going there to link up with ppl. Because very quickly, any relationship I get into, just degenerates into my chasing after that person all the time, and being expected to provide all the transport if we meet up.

I'm sick of it. Any suggestions for improvement, anyone?

[glenn miller]

i have some friends. and the ones that i do have. just say hi. and few words. i am kind of like u. it is hard. i know alot of people. but i would not consider them friends. for me friends are people u can talk to easz and do things with.

[CaryGrant]

Hippo, friendships should definitely be mutual and balanced. May I suggest "using" your current "friends" for social skills practice? You may meet better friends through them, or discover that as your skills improve, these people take you more seriously. Once you develop some mutual, deeper friendships, what to do about people who don't reciprocate will be obvious.

[Hippo]

Those are really good suggestions, Cary Grant. I definitely need practice at social skills, but anyhow I'm planning to cut back on the chasing after these ppl. It is demoralising and soul destroying, and I deserve better treatment from ppl. I have already cut back on offering help before it is asked for, this is approval-seeking behaviour and it's about time I realised that it doesn't work, and u just get taken advantage of.

[CaryGrant]

Good for you! You're on the right track - thinking you deserve good things is the best way to get them, and certainly the only way to appreciate them.

[lonelyheart]

I understand where you're coming from.. I myself am going through the stage of finding 'mutual friends'.

[Chump]

I wonder why most of my friends from high school never called me after graduation... I guess im just a bit to wierd for them.