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Post by justashyguy on Aug 24, 2004 6:02:14 GMT -5
sorry for ranting with my first post but i find i struggle to have a converstation with anyone, i just can't open up to anyone & chat about things in general, i'm 26 now & have been like this from an early age in school, i just find converstations pass me by all the time & i notice one or two of my friends picked up that i'm quiet so they always say something nasty like "god i can't get a word in edge ways" etc.....
also i find it hard to express myself on the internet too, i guess i stuggle at times typing coz of my dyslexia & people just rant over ya coz they way you say things or the way u spell
i guess i'm a complicated soul coz i like to going out clubbing & pubbing and stuff but when face with talking i just go into a shell when i'm chatting to anyone while i'm out
anyone else feel like this or is it just me?
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Post by CaryGrant on Aug 24, 2004 12:18:16 GMT -5
Carducci has a good book on Shyness and another one on making small talk. I struggled with talking with people, too, and I'm much better now.
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Post by glenn miller on Aug 24, 2004 16:51:43 GMT -5
i am kind of the same as u. hard for me to talk.
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Post by shy 984 on Aug 24, 2004 20:34:42 GMT -5
Your post made me feel MUCH better in comparison about myself talking to others. Now I know that there are some worse than me out there.
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Aug 24, 2004 23:06:17 GMT -5
I don't always have problems in having conversations (in fact my job requires a certain degree of chat ability), but it's usually always superficial stuff. Rather that feeling that I can't talk to anyone, I almost feel like I don't want to. The conversations that I've been engaged in most recently have been very shallow. I'm all for small talk as a segueway to more meaningful topics, but lately, there has been no progression....with anyone that I talk to. I don't suffer any type of disorder, but I can tell you this much: whenever I post something on here, I'm worried about what people will think of what I've written or my spelling or any number of things. (If you can't find any spelling errors it's because I've proofread myself into a stupor). justashyguy, I'm new here, but I already feel as if I belong. Hopefully, you will too. Welcome!
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Post by Heh on Aug 25, 2004 1:08:20 GMT -5
Guess you didn't proofread yourself into a stupor this time...it's segue, not segueway.
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Aug 25, 2004 19:48:01 GMT -5
Heh, Point taken. I guess I was in the stupor before I started looking over my message. Thanks for pointing it out. I'd rather know I'm spelling it wrong so the next time I'll spell it right. I usually look in the dictionary for stuff I'm unsure of, but last night I just got way too tired....
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Post by lonelyheart on Aug 28, 2004 20:17:02 GMT -5
Hi there and welcome! You sound just like me... I am 20 and I like going out on the town and stuff but I struggle majorly with conversations with people. The only people that i can hold conversations with are friends, which i have very few of at the moment. I mean, i want to try a lot of things but i'm always thinking of how i will stuff things up so i never do.
I find it a struggle to chat to anyone while out, so it appears to them that I am snobbing them when infact I am too scared to even respond to them..
I'm currently quite good friends with a guy who is also shy and i feel that we can connect really well and just joke around and stuff.
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Aug 30, 2004 20:35:15 GMT -5
I find it a struggle to chat to anyone while out, so it appears to them that I am snobbing them when infact I am too scared to even respond to them.. I had an experience, recently, with a guy who doesn't ever say much. I'm curious if it could be for the same reason as you or if he just wants me to get lost. I work at a store across from the one that he works at and everyone else there seems to talk to me. When he comes in for coffee, he doesn't say anything beyond his order. I have asked him how he's doing several times and he's said "fine". He didn't ask me how I was. I've seen him outside too and sometimes he'll say "hey" and other times he doesn't seem to notice I'm there. A co-worker said that she saw him smile right at me once, but I didn't notice (I was too busy trying not to look at him because I'm shy!). He even started talking to me once, briefly, about the store he works at. I once asked him (while he was fixing his coffee) if he ever took a day off and he never said anything back. Maybe he didn't hear me, but I don't know. I used to catch his eye a bit and I would see him looking at me some. Now, he doesn't come in for coffee anymore and it seems like I never bump into him. I'm pretty sure he's not even remotely interested, but I was just wondering. Do you guys ever behave like that?
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Post by C Renee on Sept 4, 2004 17:31:39 GMT -5
I know plenty of guys that seem to like to be around me but never say anything to me. I know that some of them are not bad at conversing because I've seen them talking to other people a lot.
When I do speak to them .... like a "how are you doing?" all they can say is "fine."
I want to know, too.
Also, guys, I want to know, if you are shy, do you want us to say more when all we can get out of you is "fine," or do you want us to leave you alone??? I can't tell the difference.
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Post by CaryGrant on Sept 7, 2004 11:25:36 GMT -5
Try two or three open-ended questions before giving up. Shy people have a warm-up period in new situations and with new people, and once over this will become more talkative. (Severely shy people will take a long, long time, but most will warm up fairly quickly in a one-on-one non-threatening situation).)
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Cactus
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Cactus on Sept 7, 2004 18:24:19 GMT -5
CG, good idea! I'll try the open ended questions....if I can work up the nerve. If those don't go over well, I'll know I was way off in thinking that he actually wanted to talk to me.
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