Dilemma of mine

[VictorH]

Although, I have been doing my best to get over my shyness and insecurities there is that one thing that often seems to get in my way. It might seem, by the way I talk right now there isn't anything wrong with how I speak. But, thats because I spent most of my life on the computer when I was younger (I don't know how to communicate clearly in real life).

Here is my problem:
As an affect from long term shyness in the past I have trouble communicating with people. (Even though some people that havent been shy that long can have this problem). Whenever someone speaks to me I am just not use to talking and I don't know how to react (even when I am confident and want to talk, I just don't know what to say). I also have trouble expressing myself so that if I am really happy about something they'll take it as I have no emotion about it. How would I learn to communicate and react to people? Also, how would I learn to express how I really feel in person to person/group situations? (I don't mind if someone gets the wrong message from me as long as they are getting a message that is atleast similar to the expression I want to give out.)

[wakeryder]

i understand how u feel.

[blkqueen]

I can relate when people talk to me i cant even look them in the eyes,I have been practicing conversations and making eye contact in therapy.

[{T}meister]

yeah i have the same problem

[SilentScepter]

VictorH, I have that exact same problem, I can overcome the fear sometimes but I can't think up things to say, i'll talk and have no fear, other person says something interesting, and then i'm like... blank, I got nothing to say. So I'll throw in some inane words that pretty much make them realize i'm a boring person. Wish I knew how to overcome this, maybe if I became a more interesting person, idk.

[zaab]

Guest-SilentScepter said:

So I'll throw in some inane words that pretty much make them realize i'm a boring person.

I used to refuse to talk if I thought I had nothing interesting to say. In hindsight I see how much of a mistake this was. Its that old you can't start a fire without a spark cliche. You have to cultivate the small talk and the things you think are inane, because this is where good conversations come from. You have to have faith that the words will come and eventually they will. Its just getting yourself to do it that's the hard part. You build up your confidence through the small talk and little bits of seemingly pointless conversation until you feel comfortable and start opening up.

[wagnerr]

zaab70 said:

I used to refuse to talk if I thought I had nothing interesting to say. In hindsight I see how much of a mistake this was. Its that old you can't start a fire without a spark cliche. You have to cultivate the small talk and the things you think are inane, because this is where good conversations come from. You have to have faith that the words will come and eventually they will. Its just getting yourself to do it that's the hard part. You build up your confidence through the small talk and little bits of seemingly pointless conversation until you feel comfortable and start opening up.

Zaab70 nailed it here, man. It doesn't so much matter what you say as much as just talking in general.

Start noticing conersations that occur around you. How many of them are about total BS and nothing else?

Well, often times total BS is the way to start a conversation. And for some reason, when you've talked to a particular person for a while, they don't become so frightening. I have the same fear with girls; i don't know what to say, or how to say it. Well, at least to their face of course.

[VictorH]

Thanks alot guys, I feel alot better. I'll try to keep everything in mind .

[strawberrysweetie]

VictorH said:

Whenever someone speaks to me I am just not use to talking and I don't know how to react (even when I am confident and want to talk, I just don't know what to say). I also have trouble expressing myself so that if I am really happy about something they'll take it as I have no emotion about it.

I can definitely relate also. I never know how to react or express myself. I mean, I don't necessarily want to be all bubbly and perky and an annoying cheerleader-type, but when I'm really excited about something, I just feel so dull because my excitement never shows. Then because I don't express myself as others do, I get asked a lot of times why I'm sad or whatever. It's just totally a pain.

Sorry I don't have any answers to your questions.