|
|
Post by shypsychologyguy on Mar 28, 2005 22:54:51 GMT -5
my parents get angry at me when I have trouble talking to people . they do not understand how hard it is. I do not like blaming them for some aspects of my problem but they do factor in. This bothers me because I dont want to build up anger at them. One area they have really hurt me is with females . anytime I would talk to a girl my dad would tell my grandparents and everybody at the dinner table and they would make a big deal about it . Also , If i was in public and there was a girl about my age which my family new my dad often would make us stand together and take pictures of us or try to get us to hold hands. anytime we are out and a girl walks by he says she is flirting. As a result I have always felt awkward talking about girls with my parents and I cant seem to start a relationship because I cant get past the awkwardness of telling my parents. It especially bugs me because every sunday at church some old men always ask me if Ive got a girl yet or how are the ladys treating me. Any advice on how to deal with my parents who love me and dont realize that they need to deal with me diffrenty. My therapist suggests living on or off campus in an apartment , but my parents just bought me a new bedroom set and tv today so I feel pressured to stay.
It is also my dads view that as long as Im in college he will pay for everything even though I have a job. I dont think its a good way to teach me to deal with money, it is nice though but its making me become dependant. I think he does it so his children wont leave home. He was a CSI supervisor and that has made him protective. I think he considers apartments to be dangerous because he worked suicides and murders at them alot.
|
|
|
|
Post by lsdima4 on Mar 29, 2005 13:26:15 GMT -5
I would suggest to get the hell away from home as soon as possible. Take as little as you can from your parents. You will not explain anything to them. Don't let your parents make decisions for you - as long as they are the ones making decisions they will not think of you as an independent adult.
This is a good one. Practice the art of storytelling. Make things up. Tell him you are seeing multiple girls, that you are unsure if you like girls, etc...
|
|
|
|
Post by zaab on Mar 29, 2005 13:32:42 GMT -5
Find a way to leave home, then do it. Your parents will get over it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ms Pnats on Mar 29, 2005 20:15:45 GMT -5
Your parents are dysfunctional and their behaviors violate your boundaries as a person.
So he bought you a bed and tv? Is that how much your freedom and sanity is worth? You are worth more than that.
Get out to a dorm or apartment and asap!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by shypsychologyguy on Mar 29, 2005 22:59:44 GMT -5
just for clarity I have never told my parents any intent to move out. my mom would like the idea but my dad might not. My sister got married because she didnt like them and I dont want them to think i dont like them by moving out . they did not buy furniture to keep me here but because i needed new furniture. my dad just could be really charitable with money. I have no problem with him buying each of his children a new truck for graduation but paying for the gas, insurence, and sometimes entertainment is not good. My problems are deeper than them . they are probly a lesser factor compared to bulling and rejection from peers.
|
|
|
|
Post by wagnerr on Mar 30, 2005 0:35:36 GMT -5
Look, i don't think you have to move out. Why don't you compromise on a few things? For example, why don;t you insist on paying for a few expenses? This will help you to move into more independence for yourself. Yeah, it would be nice to move out. But living on your own and working and going to college is very difficult. I tried working full time and college full time, and my grades suffered pretty good that year let me tell you. And hey, i know how embarrasing parents can be. Sure they're annoying. They used to embarrass me all the time too, whenever i would have a date, on the few occasions that that actually happened. But i finally stopped letting it bother me. I started making jokes about my parents or friends whenever they would tease me about liking a particular girl. Pretty soon, they stopped teasing me. And i wasn't embarrassed anymore.  Do this. Whenever your relatives tease you, get them right back in a good natured way. This will rob them of your power over you.  |
|
|
|
Post by shypsychologyguy on Mar 30, 2005 10:38:50 GMT -5
yeah I got a 2004 Ford explorer sport trac 4 door truck
I figured I would take all my new college friends places in it. but I have no friends at college
|
|
|
|
Post by strawberrysweetie on Mar 31, 2005 18:58:20 GMT -5
i'd just talk to them together, tell them you realize they want you to stay, but that you need them to respect you as an adult or you will have to move out. let them know what they are doing that bothers you. and don't forget to let them know that you love and appreciate them. I completely agree with this. It's good advice from here to follow. Look, i don't think you have to move out. Why don't you compromise on a few things? For example, why don;t you insist on paying for a few expenses? This will help you to move into more independence for yourself. Yeah, it would be nice to move out. But living on your own and working and going to college is very difficult. I tried working full time and college full time, and my grades suffered pretty good that year let me tell you. I agree with this as well. It's really all up to you, though. If you really seriously want to move out, then I think that you probably should. But, I think you really do need to talk to them about it. Try to tell them that they really need to lay off of the whole finding a girlfriend thing and that you need to work that out on your own. They shouldn't be pressuring you about things like that and should give you more respect. I think it's alright they're paying for things as long as you have a job and are working hard. Now if you were a pothead living at home doing literally nothing but drugs and partying, then that is a different story. But as long as you're doing what you're supposed to and plan on moving out when you're done with school, then I think it's fine they're helping a lot with expenses. Take advantage of it while you can. They really just want the best for you. |
|
|
|
Post by peace81 on Mar 31, 2005 22:35:33 GMT -5
My mom is like that she gets angery when I don't talk to people or don't say much. She makes me feel bad and she embarasses me.
|
|
|
|
Post by peace81 on Apr 6, 2005 11:58:55 GMT -5
remember, no one can MAKE you feel anything. regardless of what she says, it's what you are saying to yourself about it that creates your feelings. you have control over that. thanks |
|
|
|
Post by carly on Apr 6, 2005 12:32:43 GMT -5
hey i dont think you should move out until you absolutely have to. i mean sure, parents are annoying....but thats just how they are. I think it's their twisted way of showing you they care.
I totally hear where you are coming from though. I hate feeling dependent. I don't have a car so I am even more dependent on them. But really I take the bus alot and still do my own thing. I wanna move out too, but I realize I'm not ready yet.
I think its really good living at home though cuz you dont have to deal with bills just yet. Trust me you will be getting enough of those in due time.
|
|
