big dilemma

[stuck]

Hi. I just read through all these posts and it really made me feel relieved!! I thought it was only me who was feeling this way. So here's my "big dilemma". I have always been a shy person around new people since i was young but when you get to know me I am so outgoing/ funny and a really good friend. But, (like everyone) i have had some REALLY shitty friends in my lifetime who have made fun of me behind my back and basically made me lose a lot of self-confidence in my personality and how i feel about showing my true "self" to new people. I now onlly hang out with about 3 people who btw don't really have lives outside of school (they choose to, so i can't really relate) and i am always alone and depressed when i come home. There is a group of people who i know I would be good friends with but I am so scared that they will not like me for who I am so I don't really talk when i'm around them. I'm sure they now think i'm a weirdo who likes to listen in on convos. yet not say anything. I really wish I could open up but I also suffer from social anxiety around new people so I am REALY awkward to be around and get really nervous and don't really want them looking at me. Can anyone relate or give me tips on what to do plz?!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shypsychologyguy]

I can relate entirely. I had 3 friends that made jokes about me alot which I got defensive over. we really never did much of the same things so it was hard. Now that my only friend just broke up with his girlfriend he wants to go out and meet people and try new things.

[shy dude]

Guest-stuck said:

i have had some REALLY shitty friends in my lifetime who have made fun of me behind my back and basically made me lose a lot of self-confidence in my personality and how i feel about showing my true "self" to new people.

Okay, i used to face this problem a lot, and still do. Whenever so called friends would tease me to my face or behing my back, i would get very angry and refuse to talk to them. pretty soon they stopped talking to me altogether.

Now, this isn't desirable, however. Sometimes friends don't really mean to make fun of you, they're just having a laugh. When this happens, tease them on some of their own inequities, but do it in a light, funny, non-confrontive tone of voice.

This i've found works with guy-to-guy kind of teasing, and quickly makes them shut up, or to laugh at themselves. If they laugh at your comments directed to themselves, rest assured that you have defeated their attempts to get a rise out of you. It will probably also lessen your tension, when you realize they no longer have the power to tease you and make you react.

Also, this simple exercise will separate the pricks from the true friends.

[wagnerr]

Hey Guys! Sorry, the previous post was mine, i just forgot to log in, and i was too lazy to re-write the whole thing.

I would have to add that don't look glum or sad when they tease you or make comments towards you. This will make them stop talking to you altogether, either for fear of your wrath or of upsetting you. This is a lesson i've learned the hard way. I've been branded as too sensitive by many people so that they never talk to me anymore, except on matters of importance.

Don't let this happen to you, man. Stay cool.

[stuck]

hi guys! thankyou so much for replying and helping me out. I really appreciate it..