Help! How to make friends in college?!

[BrownKeys]

Lately, i've been feeling really stressed out and anxious about college in the fall. I know it's going to be nothing like high school, but i can't help but feel that my shyness will prevent me from making any friends at school, in addition to the fact that i might be too immersed in my studies to be able to venture out and meet people.
Ofcourse i know that it will be everyones first time there too, but i also know that it takes me a long time to get close to people and become their friends. Like in April when i stayerd overnight at my school, all the other kids were so quick to become such good friends, while i'm all like "wow, i've only just met you! this is going too fast." I guess that turns people off because they may think that i am rejecting them. when all i'm really doing is trying to take things slow. I guess i have trust issues. i guess i am the type of person that does not have a lot of friends that i just hang out with, but those few friends that i would consider my best friends and that i know will be with me for life.
I'm just really scared that i am going to spend the next four years of my life being sad, lonely, depressed, etc, and i know this is going to be bad for my performance in school. I wish soooo bad that i could just get over this shy thing and feeling akward around others just enough so that i can have some people to be with!
It seems like a lot of you are already in college. what have you done to make friends there despite your shyness? Someone told me once that there first few weeks in college were the most lonely times in his life because of his feelings of insecurity and shyness. I don't want to turn out that way. I'm I doomed?!

[pnoopiepnats]

brownkeys said:

Lately, i've been feeling really stressed out and anxious about college in the fall. I know it's going to be nothing like high school, but i can't help but feel that my shyness will prevent me from making any friends at school, in addition to the fact that i might be too immersed in my studies to be able to venture out and meet people.
Ofcourse i know that it will be everyones first time there too, but i also know that it takes me a long time to get close to people and become their friends. Like in April when i stayerd overnight at my school, all the other kids were so quick to become such good friends, while i'm all like "wow, i've only just met you! this is going too fast." I guess that turns people off because they may think that i am rejecting them. when all i'm really doing is trying to take things slow. I guess i have trust issues. i guess i am the type of person that does not have a lot of friends that i just hang out with, but those few friends that i would consider my best friends and that i know will be with me for life.
I'm just really scared that i am going to spend the next four years of my life being sad, lonely, depressed, etc, and i know this is going to be bad for my performance in school. I wish soooo bad that i could just get over this shy thing and feeling akward around others just enough so that i can have some people to be with!
It seems like a lot of you are already in college. what have you done to make friends there despite your shyness? Someone told me once that there first few weeks in college were the most lonely times in his life because of his feelings of insecurity and shyness. I don't want to turn out that way. I'm I doomed?!

Are you going away to college and living in a dorm? If you are, that might make it easier to meet people. Go around the first week to you neighbors.

I went to a residential college and made a couple friends. Then last time I went to a mainly commuter uni and only one person talked to me the entire time.

I went away to a national park to work one summer and that sucked. It seemed like you had to make friends the first few weeks you were there or you were sol.

I remember walking to lunch with this girl who asked me if I had made any friends yet and I said no and she said well why not like I was some freak or something. I was 18 at the time and it turns out I am a freak but I don't care.

[lonelyheart]

I have been at uni (close enough to college I guess) for three years and have no friends in my course. *cries*

[Paulinus]

I went through my whole uni course without any friends. I talked to the odd person but that was it.

[BrownKeys]

I guess i must be doomed. Well, if i don't expect much of anything, i guess it will be harder for me to be dissappointed. Even though i'll be living in a dorm, i don't think it's going to matter too much. I mean, i'll try, but i guess i'll just have to go wherever the wind takes me...

[streetworm]

I'm going to be going to college too and I'm just as freaked out so you're not alone. I'm pissed off because the college I'm going to is only a two and a half hour drive away and there isn't a single other person from my class that is going their (out of 180 people in my graduating class). I was hoping I would at least have a couple familiar faces around campus but I guess not. Hopefully this will force me to make friends though instead of just hanging out with 2 or 3 people and not really talking to anyone else...one can only hope I guess.

What colleges/ universities are you guys at by the way (if you don't mind me asking)? I'm going to Eastern Michigan University starting in September.

[BrownKeys]

streetworm said:

I'm going to be going to college too and I'm just as freaked out so you're not alone. I'm pissed off because the college I'm going to is only a two and a half hour drive away and there isn't a single other person from my class that is going their (out of 180 people in my graduating class). I was hoping I would at least have a couple familiar faces around campus but I guess not. Hopefully this will force me to make friends though instead of just hanging out with 2 or 3 people and not really talking to anyone else...one can only hope I guess.

What colleges/ universities are you guys at by the way (if you don't mind me asking)? I'm going to Eastern Michigan University starting in September.

It's funny because the college I'm going to is only 45 minutes away, plus my sister just bought a house 10 minutes away from the school, but I'm o.k. with that since I'll be living in a dorm. But I'm actually looking forward to the fact that i will not be seeing anyone from my old school. I hate my high school with a passion like no other and I'm impatiently counting down the days to graduation ;D. What i can say I'm looking forward to is a chance to start over fresh. i think the change will be good for me (not to mention mentally healthy), but my issue is having to adapt to a new set of people. In other words, i want a fresh start, but i don't want to start meeting people all over again because it will take them too long to really get to know me. I guess i sound like i am contradicting myself, but it somehow makes sense in my mind I'm such an ass sometimes, lol

[paul1983]

I finished Uni last year. I was lucky in that i initiated conversations with people first, and i guess these people were glad because they too probably had the same feelings as you. If u see anyone sitting alone...trust me, a lot will be, they are all in the same boat as you...just go up to them and introduce yourself and the convo will keep going from there. I am certain they will appreciate and be relieved that someone has taken the effort of approaching and initiatinga conversation with them. Remember that probably the majority of ppl in ur course are nervous and unfamiliar about college life and want to make friends too.

[streetworm]

Thanks for the advice flying high, I think that will come in quite handy. I would imagine it would be a lot easier that way because you'd be talking to people who almost certainly have the same type of anxiety as you do when it comes to talking.

It seems the simplest solution is the one that always evades us.

[paul1983]

streetworm,
it is a simple solution and one which worked for me. I was quite shy in high school and really wanted to make some friends at uni. When i arrived at uni for the first lecture i was surprised to see so many just standing around outside the room and not talking to anyone, so i approached a few of these people, started talking to them, we sat next to eachother in the lecture, and remained sitting next to eachother for the next 3 years!

[cyclopse]

you will actually be surprised that it will be easier to make friends in college i know from my expereince my first two years i pretty much didnt make that much new friends but my last two and half years was great especially since the majority of friends i made were girls. lol Here one thing to remember you all have the same thing is common and that is going to class and trying to learn the material so dont hesitate to go up to someone new and talk to them about it you will be surprised how well it works and will help you establish good friendships.

[HybridMoment]

You might have a better chance for making friends, since you will be living in a dorm. If you don't become friends with the people you live with, then maybe you can attend other social activities held at the college. And like the others said- try looking for someone else who looks shy, they might not show it (because they are shy) but they probably would appreciate someone talking to them.

I wish I could live in a dorm, but I can't afford it. My parents make too much money to get any finiancial aide and will not pay for a dorm. I'm spending my own money I saved up in bank account for tuition so I still live at home and even if I attempted to make friends or go anywhere with anyone I don't think my parents would allow it. The only place I'm allowed to go is to school and work, so I have zero friends and no social life at all. This probably sounds like a horrible life to some people, but I'm just used to this way of living.

Ocasionally I talked to people in my class, but this was only about 2 or 3 people and the topic was always school work related. I will probably go through college with out making any friends at all, but the purpose of me going to college is not to make friends anyway, it's to learn and get a degree.

[jjmcrun]

living in the dorms is probably the easiest way to meet people first youll have your roommate(s) then if they already have friends you could hang out with them. Make sure you tell your roommate when you get there that your a shy person maybe shes that way to and if not she could probably help you cause most people just entering college are there to have a good time and meet new people and party cant forget the partying

[streetworm]

I'm pretty nervous about the whole roommate thing. The questionaire they gave us only had 3 or 4 questions and none of them had to do with personality just about smoking, drinking, and sleeping habits.

Hopefully things will work out (I'm sure they will) and I'll find someone I can get along with.

Telling them first thing that I'm really shy is probably a really good idea. Thanks for mentioning that. It's one of those things that I'm so used to people knowing right off the bat that it may slip my mind when it gets time to introduce myself. Definately something to give some forewarning about. Hopefully by then I'll be able to conquer some of these habits that go along with shyness though. I'm working on it anyways.

[Jarous]

Wow, at least they gave you questionaires, here it's totally random for the freshmen ... second year you can choose a room yourself but if you don't know anyone then it's random again ... and for all of you who think dorms help, if you have the bad luck of sharing your room with someone REAL incompatible then you're in for a year of pain ... sorry, hope it won't be anyone's case...