WinceRind
Full Member
Requesting some enlightenment
Posts: 133
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Post by WinceRind on Jul 9, 2005 0:41:18 GMT -5
To all y'all who will be shipping out to school/uni in the fall, I wish you the very best! I was in that position three years ago (going back as a Senior this fall), but I don't think I made the most of it my first (and only) time around. I'll try to describe what I did so maybe you can take heed:
First, I think the above advice of talking to people right away is integral (as _part_ of the solution!). Almost EVERYONE will constantly be talking that first week... that first week or so should almost be a godsend... NO ONE KNOWS you. I engaged in some introspective doublethink and put on a "cloak of confidence" each time I left my room--I _willed_ myself to talk to people in class, to sit down with different people in the cafeterias, to walk in and start talking to someone on my hall who left his or her door open.
These sorts of attitudes are only _part_ of the solution... my own problem was that I had no follow through. After those first two weeks, I was still wracking my nerves, worrying about making first impressions with everyone I met. As a result, I didn't expand on the pre-friendships I had made with people with whom I had already talked! This made is so that (seemingly to me) cliques formed of which I was not part--and for my own SA, trying to enter such a group once it has already formed was a no-no.
My suggestion to someone going into it fresh (and worrying about making friends, like I was) is this:
a). Spend one to two weeks talking to EVERYONE you feel secure enough in doing so.
b). After about a week and a half, though, identify only TWO or THREE people you WANT to become friends with--start concentrating on that! I think it's better to get two people (hopefully) that you know very well by a few weeks and then expand from there.
Here's something I heard someone mention recently: tell the people whom you have identified that you enjoy their company. Make it sound funny if you have to, but at least say it--they will realize you are trying to become friendly with them. The goal, from my perspective, is to start off the time with such support.
(This may all seem kind of harsh and unduly calculating, but I'm just trying to put to words what I wish I would have done myself... try not to take it the wrong way or anything ;p )
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WinceRind
Full Member
Requesting some enlightenment
Posts: 133
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Post by WinceRind on Jul 9, 2005 0:49:53 GMT -5
Here's an interesting note/thought: if you're going to an American school, consider fraternities or sororities. The year before I left for school, I was downright miserable and depressed. I was seeing a pysciatrist at the time and this person recommended I consider joining a Greek fraternity once I got to college. I knew _nothing_ about Greek life outside of a couple movies here and there, but I remembered this advice several months later. To make a long story short, I put on my "cloak of confidence" when fraternity recruitment came about and did the rounds. Going to a very technical (*cough* nerdy *cough*) school, the Greek system was far from your sterotypical American Greek school. I ended up joining a fraternity composed of a few "cool" people but mostly geeks/nerds/losers like myself. As a person with SA, it seems strange to me now that I took this path, but looking back I realize that it helped me through the _initial_ period of going to a new school. I was forced to interact with people in my position, which gave me others upon which I could rely. I would suggest you guys look into similar organizations (you can always replace "fraternity/sorority" with "club"). I will not lie... it took lots of effort for me to go out and do it, but I think the benefit for the first two years is substantial enough to warrant it. (I can go on at length about being a shy person in a Greek organization or other college-level activities--drop me a PM if you're interested in hearing more of such ramblings )
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Post by dillydoolally on Jul 18, 2005 8:07:44 GMT -5
I'm going to uni in September too, and i'm scared that i'm going to be spending all my time sitting in my room with only the internet for company! I will really have to push my self to meet new people , but some of the advice you guys have given doesnt make it seem quite so bad and scary!
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Post by cyclopse on Jul 21, 2005 15:51:57 GMT -5
remember this you guys all have one thing in common and that is the class you are taking together so use that to your advantage thats how i met alot of my friends.
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Post by wonkothesane on Aug 9, 2005 19:28:44 GMT -5
First day just say something to the person beside you at whatever orientation thingy you have for your course- it doesn't have to be profound, even dropping a pen on purpose so you can say excuse me to pick it up will help or purposely don't bring a notebook and ask for a page. And then you get to be truthful by saying something like "I hate these things they make me nervous with so many people I don't know." If by this stage they haven't said anything then they are even more shy then yourself or they are actually an asshole!. And yes you will fell like a total tool doing this but everybody in that room is in the same boat.
And remember don't confuse casual aquaintances and colleuges with real friends- knowbody makes real friends very often. And even if you manage to constantly talk to people for your four years at college, you will only stay close to one or two.
I went through one year of college without uthering a full sentence to anybody and it was tuff. It didn't help that I hated the course.
Good Luck - and checkout what support groups and clubs are at your college.
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Post by griffins on Aug 10, 2005 21:49:19 GMT -5
I agree with Moggy...the first week is definitely pretty important. But don't stress it, just be active in talking to everybody. I find it easier when NO ONE knows anybody. Plus you start off with a clean slate. People usually welcome making friends in the beginning...it's when they already have a group of friends that makes it hard to infiltrate. Oddly enough...I went the same route as Moggy...and joined a fraternity (it was a small one, not stereotypical partying/drinking everyday) But I definitely met a lot people that I would have if I didn't join. It's a pretty tough process and not for everybody...so I'd suggest joining clubs, hanging out with dorm neighbors, etc first and foremost. Good Luck. I enjoyed my college years...hope you do too
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Post by shypsychologyguy on Aug 11, 2005 10:22:28 GMT -5
what exactly is the process of getting in a fraternity/sorority isnt like a popularity contest in which you have to impress them
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Post by griffins on Aug 11, 2005 20:32:42 GMT -5
I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you...hehe j/k Well I went to a mainly commuter school so frat/sorority life wasn't that big a thing so they all wanted to increase membership so if you were normal, they'll take you. Don't have to be popular and all. For fraternities...the process from my experience, is alot like boot camp, they make you memorize their history etc, while yelling at you and making you do push ups and/or other stupid stuff. Honestly I put up with alot of the shiet I got cause I thought I wasn't gonna get laid by sorority girls eventually. Didn't happen to me...but if I wasn't apart of it, my college life would have been relatively boring.
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Post by shypsychologyguy on Aug 11, 2005 22:21:27 GMT -5
my college is to large and most actually probly all fratenity people live onm campus.
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Post by lysander on Aug 15, 2005 22:21:58 GMT -5
Lately, i've been feeling really stressed out and anxious about college in the fall. I know it's going to be nothing like high school, but i can't help but feel that my shyness will prevent me from making any friends at school, in addition to the fact that i might be too immersed in my studies to be able to venture out and meet people. Ofcourse i know that it will be everyones first time there too, but i also know that it takes me a long time to get close to people and become their friends. Like in April when i stayerd overnight at my school, all the other kids were so quick to become such good friends, while i'm all like "wow, i've only just met you! this is going too fast." I guess that turns people off because they may think that i am rejecting them. when all i'm really doing is trying to take things slow. I guess i have trust issues. i guess i am the type of person that does not have a lot of friends that i just hang out with, but those few friends that i would consider my best friends and that i know will be with me for life. I'm just really scared that i am going to spend the next four years of my life being sad, lonely, depressed, etc, and i know this is going to be bad for my performance in school. I wish soooo bad that i could just get over this shy thing and feeling akward around others just enough so that i can have some people to be with! It seems like a lot of you are already in college. what have you done to make friends there despite your shyness? Someone told me once that there first few weeks in college were the most lonely times in his life because of his feelings of insecurity and shyness. I don't want to turn out that way. I'm I doomed?! I can understand how it feels, since I been in that situation 1/5 year ago. I absolutely dreaded going to college, and althought I made a great deal of effort making friends, it stole so much energy from me. But I have to tell you, it's crucial that you spend a lot of time making friends at college rather than spending too much time studying, sooner or later you get unmotivated because of loneliness, nevertheless. You just got to find a balance. And did you know, the number one reason why people drop out of college is? It's because the feel depressed or socially unfit! Don't make the mistake I made! The second year, however was more successful. I joined a club, despite the fact that I didn't even like the activity there, I just went in order to meet more people, sometimes it's easier make friends outside the classroom! There always some parties going on campus so be sure to join them, the more you expose yourself the more likely you will get to know new people and faster!
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pix
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by pix on Aug 27, 2005 9:32:02 GMT -5
I too am starting uni soon and reading through this thread there is some good advice that i'm certainly going to try. I'm thinking of taking a confidence building course, has anyone had any expirence with these? or should i just concentrate on dealing with my shyness and making friends through joining clubs/volunteering at uni? phew my first post! Hello to you all!
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Post by old free guy on Sept 4, 2005 6:27:25 GMT -5
I hope most of you made some friends that you could talk, study and play together. My experience was that I didn't make friends. Because I guess I picked the wrong school. And most of the students are distant. It felt like I was going to a supermarket with lots of people and everyone is minding their own business.
Anyway... if you haven't made any friends, don't feel too bad. Find something that you enjoy doing and just make small talks about anything to anyone you see regularly.
Look for friends in other places. Use your time wisely.
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